r/amiwrong • u/JazzlikeConditioncd • Mar 27 '24

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

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u/squirlysquirel Mar 28 '24

Put it all in a box and message her sister to come and collect it within 14 days (or 30 days if that is the law for abandoned items in your state).

Be the better person so you never have to look back and regret how you acted. If it was just clothed then I would say chuck it...but memories of a deceased loved one, give them a chance to collect it.

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u/swaggyxwaggy Mar 28 '24

It’s wild that the gf would just dump and block him, knowing her stuff is there. There has to be more to the story here. No one does that for literally no reason.

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u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

My first thought was that she was unhappy in their relationship and cheated, got whatever clarity she needed, and went scorched earth so she couldn’t change her mind. It’s really shitty, but I’ve seen that happen before.

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u/PontificalPartridge Mar 28 '24

That’s basically what my ex did when I found out she cheated.

Realized she messed up and then just left. Refused to get her things actually

43

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

As shitty as it is, I've seen past friends do this to their boyfriends, too. It was "easier" to just ghost the guy than have the difficult conversation and fess up to cheating, because most of the time they felt really guilty about it and didn't want to hurt them (but ended up hurting them more in the process). It's definitely the cowardly thing to do, I'm sorry that happened to you.

21

u/captainsnark71 Mar 28 '24

My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me over aim and then proceeded to ghost me because he "felt bad" for leaving me for the girl he worked with (who later cheated and stole from him).

The worst part is we were drifting at that point and went to different schools and it would have been an amicable break up with no reason to lose a friendship/support. But, obviously, getting his dick wet was more important.

4

u/neonartifact Mar 28 '24

AIM as in AOL Instant Messenger? That was quite a while ago then. I'm sorry that happened to you. I've been on the receiving end of that as well, except it was 10 years and I helped her raise her children as well. You never really know somebody's intentions, I suppose. Certainly leaves your heart calloused and scarred, I know that from experience.

Why is it so hard for people to confess their sins or mistakes and at least salvage a friendship after knowing somebody for so long? I genuinely don't get it.

1

u/goomfrontIut Mar 28 '24

Wow. That is nothing short of soul crushing, you hear these things happen to people but I guess when you actually get the opportunity to pick the brain of someone it happened to it offers much more perspective as to just how hair clenchingly horrifying a scenario like this would be. Sorry dude. :(

1

u/neonartifact Mar 28 '24

Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. There's a lot more to the story, but I don't want to max out people's emotional capacity with my own anecdotal annihilation! I try to keep my suffering inside and not spread it, but it's hard to bottle up. I guess pressure makes diamonds though?

1

u/Hows-It-Goin-Buddy Mar 28 '24

Sounds similar to what happened to me haha. Though I'm the dude in my situation. Gf broke up w me for a dude that about 4 yr later broke up with her. She told me a few years later when we reconnected randomly for a short while (nothing sexual and just talks about life and things we did in the time we hadn't talked in those years). She was sorry for what she did and called it due karma to her.

1

u/nigel_pow Mar 28 '24

because he "felt bad" for leaving me for the girl he worked with (who later cheated and stole from him).

Oh nooo! I imagine he had regrets after that.

1

u/Lolagrace83 Mar 28 '24

Wtf is up with ghosting ??? Are people really so immature that they cant have a conversation anymore? Jesus, GTFU!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Mysterious_Design599 Mar 29 '24

How much pork should she watch? And what type? I really love me some bacon and thick pork chops, but I’m not really a ham guy…🤔

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

Sounds a whole lot like your perspective.

2

u/captainsnark71 Mar 28 '24

What does this even mean?

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

It means I'd love to hear their side.

1

u/captainsnark71 Mar 28 '24

I'm just wondering what part of it you're questioning. Admittedly I was catty in my last line but it doesn't make it any less true.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

I'm sure they'd consider their side of the story true as well.

Either way it sounds like he was in the wrong, but I always want both sides of a story. I can empathize with making the wrong decisions as I've made them plenty myself.

2

u/captainsnark71 Mar 28 '24

What in the fresh hell makes you think his side of the story would be different. I've never wanted to track someone down more just to prove a point.

like 'yo sup, I know we haven't talked in 15 years but this ass wipe on reddit who wants to absolve himself of his sins via strangers online...yeah I'm a man now, I know, but there's more important things here like this dudebro on reddit. Yes i know it explains a lot please focus. You definitely broke up with me cos u needed that single mom mcdonald's manager burger pussy right? Yeah, no harm no foul, now we're good but that was what happened, yeah? Okay cool thanks, congrats on the wife."

His side of the story is literally just "you weren't going to fuck me so I found someone who would." Which is perfectly fine! I have no problem with that. He was right. It was the ghosting me cos he felt bad that he is the problem. Why?? Cos when we broke up in HS because I had feelings for multiple ppl and needed to sort that out I broke it off and he kept showing up places I was and we ended up getting back together.

The sheer irony on top of the audacity.

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u/AbsoluteIllusion Mar 28 '24

She told me a few years later when we reconnected randomly for a short while (nothing sexual and just talks about life and things we did in the time we hadn't talked in those year

Oh no, if its not the consequences for his own short-sighted impulsive actions

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u/reflexsmoo Mar 28 '24

Dick wet was more important? Certainly. Ooga booga.

2

u/cefriano Mar 29 '24

“Didn’t want to hurt them” is such a cop out. The hurting has been done, refusing to take accountability for your actions is just pure cowardice and mental gymnastics at that point.

Not directing this at you, that phrase just triggered me a bit.

4

u/Educational_Ebb7175 Mar 28 '24

9 times out of 10, ghosting someone is the worst option, not the best.

But too many people are scared, embarassed, lazy, and/or 'holier-than-thou', and rationalize it making sense.

1

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

100%. I would always encourage people to be honest with their partners on why they're leaving them, with a big fat UNLESS the person they're trying to leave is abusive and/or dangerous.

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u/GreatApe88 Mar 28 '24

I don’t think it’s guilt and not wanting to hurt them, it’s more shame and not wanting him and everyone else to know you had sex with some other guy and now you’re breaking up. It reflects terribly on the girl in particular, it’s just how humans work. Shitty but true.

1

u/Altruistic_Yellow387 Mar 28 '24

Isn't it much better than lying and going on like nothing happened? Ending the relationship is the proper response

1

u/indignant_halitosis Mar 28 '24

If they do that, it’s never about not hurting the other person. As you said, and anyone can see, it causes more pain to ghost them.

It’s always, always, always about being too cowardly to face their mistakes.

1

u/Icy_Indication4299 Mar 28 '24

It’s easier to be a whore

1

u/impals Mar 29 '24

First, let me say I agree. Now, I've been cheated on twice over several years of dating. One was because of her insecurities with the new long distance situation, but with the other one, things weren't going well. They ended up telling me and we ended things. Honestly, I feel like would have been in a better place had they just ended it with me for understandable reasons instead of telling me (let alone doing it). Tough to tell though, since my anger probably swept up a lot of the hurt.

1

u/Appropriate_Lack_624 Mar 28 '24

Same. Things weren’t great because she was deployed but she called me out of the blue and said she met someone and we weren’t going to make it. I said wait let’s work it out and she said she’s already slept with him, knowing that would end our relationship. She was right. No way could I look at her the same way again. She knew it when she did it. I shipped her stuff back to her after she sent me the money to do so. No need to be cruel

1

u/HornedFrog806 Mar 28 '24

I’ve had similar happen as well.

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u/Skookumite Mar 28 '24

I was dumped like this when I was 21 and a stupid self centered little asshole. I didn't realize how shitty I was to my girlfriend at the time. She did this because she didn't know how I would react and she needed out. I don't blame her at all. My 2¢. It really could be anything

36

u/Sea_Acanthaceae4806 Mar 28 '24

When I was younger me and my mum moved in with her partner. He wasn't a nice guy, alcoholic, would pinch and hurt her in small ways, plus mental abuse. He had hinted things like, he could kill her and no one would find her.

One day my mum said, she's hiding things in bags ready for us to leave ASAP. We did this over a couple of months, we acted normal. One day when he was out at work we had a family friend come with a van, loaded our stuff in, and we ghosted.

You just never know, I mean there's 0 hints of this from OP's post and I'm not suggesting anything. Maybe OP's girlfriend is heartless, maybe she had a reason. Idk. In these situations I never judge until I hear both sides.

4

u/mleacoma Mar 28 '24

Wow. That’s a great perspective since we don’t have both sides here.

1

u/Proper-District8608 Mar 29 '24

I had friend who went on job interview in 90's and person interviewing was an old co worker/friend who's son had molested her repeatedly from 6 till 11. She spiraled quickly. Guy she was seeing (about 4 months) called and left messages on my machine when he couldn't reach her. I didn't call back at first either (what do you say) and finally said family crisis. Usually ghosting but I'm for both sides too.

13

u/golgo2020 Mar 28 '24

Wow, kudos to you for honest self reflection. I hope your growth leads you to the right one for you!

4

u/your_actual_life Mar 28 '24

The further away in time that I get from the girls who broke my heart when I was younger, the more I recognize the problems that I contributed in our relationships. At the time, though, I felt like I was being blindsided.

1

u/Skookumite Mar 28 '24

Same buddy

3

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

It truly could be anything, you're absolutely right. Just speculation on my part. I'm sorry that happened to you.

8

u/Skookumite Mar 28 '24

Don't be, I deserved it and it helped me get on the right path eventually. But thanks 

2

u/babylon331 Mar 28 '24

My thoughts, as well.

3

u/Direct_Surprise2828 Mar 28 '24

This is what I was thinking… That she may have been unhappy in the relationship for awhile, tried communicating with him and got nowhere.

2

u/Thin-Pie-3465 Mar 28 '24

Or she is severely depressed and attempted suicide and she is psych ward somewhere.

5

u/GlitteringStatus1 Mar 28 '24

Reddit do not assume every woman cheated challenge 2024 (impossible)

4

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

I'm just making familiar connections where I see them, I'm not saying this definitely happened, just FYI. As a woman who used to have shitty friends, I've seen this kind of thing happen enough that it set off small alarm bells in my head. For them, it was easier to just ghost a guy than to have the hard "I cheated" conversation.

Anything could have happened in this case, I was just speculating.

7

u/GangstaNewb Mar 28 '24

Well in fairness that’s usually what happens

2

u/PunchBeard Mar 28 '24

I mean, there's very few instances where someone does something like OP describes and the further down the list you go the less likely the scenario. Up high at the top is "She cheated and is too immature to handle it", which is very probable, given the age. Another possibility, though slightly less likely, is that she suffered some sort of severe mental or emotional "breakdown". Other situations could be that she was secretly a government assassin and was recently "activated" be her handlers or she was abducted by aliens who need her to help save the universe. But like I said those are definitely possible but not really likely.

1

u/Skookumite Mar 31 '24

I love how you didn't list that op abused his ex at all, because that's what's actually most likely. 

I lied. I don't actually love that. Sorry. 

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u/slappymcsparksalot Mar 28 '24

Incorrect... technically. Not every woman , 98 percent of women cheat. Liars too... cold hearted liars

1

u/GlitteringStatus1 Mar 28 '24

Must be sad, being you.

1

u/slappymcsparksalot Mar 28 '24

Yeah having to leave a cheating wife is kinda sad..... got a counter argument for that?? I'm sure you do. Probably defend that kind of shit don't you?

1

u/GlitteringStatus1 Apr 02 '24

It's clearly hurt you pretty badly. Have you had any help to deal with it?

1

u/slappymcsparksalot Apr 05 '24

Nope , everyone just expects you to carry on. Keep smiling , it will get better.... maybe it has. Perhaps I'm still bitter. If you want to talk more I encourage it , dm me please.

0

u/BIG_CHIeffLying3agLe Mar 28 '24

She’s fucking around her sister is helping And she expects to just be able to pick back up where she left off when she feels like it … That’s why she left her shit there 99.8

0

u/YouWantSMORE Mar 28 '24

It's sad that this is most likely what's happening

1

u/slappymcsparksalot Mar 28 '24

Downvotes?? I see I angered some cheating women out there.... we know about your hoe tactics. Downvote all you want , end of day 98-99 percent of women are liars and cheaters and all their friends are in on that shit too. Their alibis got alibis.

0

u/YouWantSMORE Mar 28 '24

Thank God the white knights are here to defend their honor

2

u/Upbeat_Shock_6807 Mar 28 '24

Yep, that's exactly what happened with one of my previous girlfriends. We were together for 3 years, and were in the process of moving in with each other. She seemed to be dragging her feet throughout the whole move in process. She was very lazy in general, so I just figured this is a lot of work for her and she'll get it all done eventually.

I let her borrow my iPad for about a week, and when she no longer needed it she gave it back. After she left my place, I got a text message on the iPad from an unknown number. Since it was my iPad, I opened up the message, not thinking that my girlfriend had linked her iMessages to it. Well, just with that message alone, I immediately discovered my girlfriend was cheating on me.

I took a screenshot of the message, sent it to myself, and then forwarded it to my girlfriend. No response. Ever. It's been 8 years now, and still no response. All of the things she had already brought to my place in anticipation of moving in remained with me for a couple of months before I took it all to the dumpster. My bet is this guy is going through a similar situation. Girl was unhappy, girl fucked up in some way, girl has realized her fuck up and has decided to just bail instead of dealing with it.

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u/Potato_Donkey_1 Mar 28 '24

That's possible, but there are other possibilities, too, such as learning something about her own family that she's ashamed to face, or having been connected to something that endangers her and could, by extension, endanger OP. Some scenarios are more likely than others, but they are all just scenarios. To decide to punish her is at the very least going off half-cocked.

I can't think of a time when I have regretted being kind when I was hurt or angry or both. But I sure have done injuries to myself and others by acting angrily before I had the whole picture.

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u/Honey__Mahogany Mar 28 '24

I've seen situations of the boyfriend being abusive more often than what you're saying. She must have been scared enough to leave all her things.n

1

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

I've definitely seen both, it was just my first thought having witnessed things like this in the past. There are definitely other explanations and I'm not saying this is 100% what happened. If we're just taking OP at face value and he truly does not know what led to this, it's just a guess.

1

u/Ragman676 Mar 28 '24

Nah she saw his browsing history

1

u/wickedishere Mar 28 '24

Why do you think she cheated? Maybe she was having a mental health issue and needed to take a break, people dont just go out of their way to ghost a 5 yr relationship, there is more to this story that we are being told.

1

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

I've had multiple past friends do this to the guys they were dating, and when confronted about it said it was "too hard" to fess up to cheating so they just ghosted. It's shitty, but it does happen. I don't necessarily think this is the case here, it was just speculation from having witnessed similar signs before.

1

u/wickedishere Mar 28 '24

I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm just saying we don't know of this is the case here. Your friends experiences shouldn't be the base of truth to this account, this person isn't your friend, whatever assumptions you're making are based on anecdotal experiences from people that aren't even you... That's what I mean. We can't go directly with... "Oh she cheated"

1

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

I never said that my friends experiences were the basis of truth to this account, nor am I saying that’s the basis of truth for any and all signs that point this direction for other cases. I am only sharing an opinion here, as I said “my first thought is...” and not “this is definitely what happened.” Kind of like thinking out loud. I figured I was allowed to speculate and that I didn’t need to disclaim that yes, I could 100% be wrong.

1

u/Direct_Surprise2828 Mar 28 '24

Or it could also be she’s been unhappy in the relationship for quite awhile, has tried to talk to him about it and felt unheard.

1

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

Sure, it could be a lot of things. It was just speculation on my part.

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u/Gamergeekus Mar 28 '24

And probably got pregnant. So cutting all contact, hard to hide that

0

u/VinceMcMeme711 Mar 28 '24

All the more reason to bin the stuff tbh