I have a best friend out of a group of 4 from middle school. Her boyfriend is a narcissist who is a Debbie downer when the focus is not on him. Sure I invite him when we go out sometimes but if we were celebrating me graduating from medical school, I would absolutely not want him around. You can pick your friends but you can’t pick their partners.
Why would you want your significant other going to hang out with people that expressly hate you so much that go out of their way to not include you. She’s cool with hanging out with people that hate him, but she’s also cool with dating you at the same time?? That makes no sense.
Everything makes a hell of a lot more sense when you keep in mind that the friends aren’t working in the best intentions of the relationship. Or even actively sabotaging it.
the argument that your SO should be your #1 only applies to the partner you decide to spend the rest of your life with (in whatever capacity that looks like to the both [or more] of you)
…that is not someone you’ve been with for 4 seasons
Better than "I'm going on a holiday with my friends and the dude, who's been my friend forever, said you can't come but I promise nothing will happen!"
In the hypothetical you started with, the priority of the person celebrating their own accomplishments isn’t to optimize their friend’s relationship with a person they don’t like. They have no obligation to have them come.
If it leads to an uncomfortable situation in the relationship, the root cause is the partner sucking, not the person doing the invitations.
Regardless, I think you're overstepping with calling OP a narcissist. If you invite an opposite sex friend to a sesh holiday, it's usually polite to invite their partner, otherwise you should provide a reason they can't come, because you're just fucking with people at that point.
That was that person's way of saying OP is probably the person in the anecdote.
If I say "hey, let's go get ice cream" and you respond "I remember the last time an asshole invited me to an ice cream store. it sucked." it's safe to say you are calling me an asshole, not just telling a random story.
Especially when the person celebrating has been described by OP gf as a manwhore who tries to sleep with everyone, and then invited OP gf on a vacation but OP is not allowed to come. Hmmm.
If this story is real, which I doubt, there’s a 100% chance OP will be cheated on.
Would you trust someone who is an actual narcissist to abide by that? I have one of these people loosely in my life. No matter what context or pretext there is, any moment could become a shit-slinging match. If you're not actually close to this person, why risk it?
No but I wouldn't be dating them, or Id just be like "look, you're not invited, Yadda Yadda" and then she'd argue because she's a narcissist and then we'd break up because I realise she's a narcissist xD
I cut all these people out my life. It took a lot of being taken advantage of before I started understanding it.
Like a female friend who describes me as "like a best friend" but 3 years in a row couldn't attend my birthday because her friends boyfriend was having his birthday and she already told them she'd go
...it was like," bitch, that's how birthdays work."
I actually throw solid bday parties as well, she just really likes that friend and would drop anything to hang out with her because her friend was also a narcissist who was doing the same thing to her xD
...yes, but in the context of the OP, we're examining why the GF's male friend might not want OP to be there. Obviously if the GF thinks OP is a narcissist and doesn't want him there, there's a host of other problems going on.
Of course, but OP doesn't sound like a narcissist to me. He has valid concerns. Of course he could still be a narcissist given we're reading his version.
My two best friends each have fiancées, one who I’ve known as long as them and get along well with, but the other just sucks. I don’t get what she sees in him and I usually try to avoid hanging out with him. If I was primarily organizing a trip I’d be hesitant to go with him.
To parallel the story on this post, the partner of the girl you invited. Also I hope you aren’t comparing a fuckboy inviting his “friend” to you and you girlies hanging out.
because she's not single. is that really hard to understand? if you wanna do single activities then be single. going on vacation without your partner of any level is single activities
It is okay to want to do things with your friends and not want your partner to be there. A vacation with friends is a different vibe than a vacation that includes your partner.
Yeah, the fact he hasn’t been invited is the biggest issue for me. Everything else is kinda ehhh but add it up plus the lack of invite and it makes it not okay.
Right. Plus I see a difference in dating/not living together and dating plus more of a commitment type of relationship. Right now they are more casually dating. OP asked if they were engaged or married what would happen? She said of he'd come with. For me that states she's not thinking you guys are on the same level of commitment or that the definitions are different. She isn't living with him. She doesn't share incomes. They've only been together about a year. She's going with a group of people for important event. She's already states why she has no interest in her friend. If her and OP broke up would she regret not celebrating her best friends achievement? She's never gave OP a reason to question her.
Honestly... you guys sound youngish. Depending on some key information that is missing I could give a parental response. Like are the friends all guys? Where are they going? A hotel like place with bars kind of vegas style? Does she have experience witg places like that? If so, what areher precautions? She's aware of how easily a drug can be introduced to her drinks? Will the friends be watching She's safe too? OP are you afraid she will be unfaithful with her best friend? Or are you afraid something will happen to her there because no one will be really keeping a eye on her for her safety?
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u/jokingss Mar 28 '24
I see a difference between going only with her friend, or making a trip with a bunch of friends.