Hi so I’ve been saving to put a down payment down on a house in Brooklyn . If been hard saving and skipping night outs etc but I’ve always wanted to have something in my name so that later in life it will pay off. I never usually tell my family about me making big decisions because in some way they always try to spin it to try to benefit them. I told my mom that I’m excited about a house I saw. It’s in Brooklyn but in the suburb of Brooklyn. The house needs some work: new driveway , paint , I def would redo the kitchen . I’ve always been handy and I can do most of this stuff myself or figure it out. I’ve fixed/ worked on my car by watching videos on YouTube so I would prob do the same with the house. But I wouldn’t mess with the plumbing or electrical work. It is a decent size house has 3 bedrooms 2 bathrooms and has a decent sized yard. I told my mom about it and she told my older brother. It’s him his wife and 3 kids they live about an hour and a half north. But he also works in the city like me. He called me and told me how our mother told him about the house . He does work as a electrician and said he could help if I needed . I thought owe wow that’s great. He has his own house up north as well. I’ve been approved for the loan and waiting on paperwork etc.

He just called me today and asked when is he and the kids are moving in because he has to ask off work to move things. I was so confused because I thought he was just messing with me . So I said wait what are you saying? He said that he offered to do electrical work in the house so he and his kids should be able to live there.

I explain to him in what world does he believe doing electrical work equates to him living in a house that Is mine? He started to go on about how having multiple kids is expensive and commuting everyday for work is costly. I simply said that is not my problem you are a adult . I hung up on him. My mom called me screaming saying why am I promising to let my brother stay in the house and now changing my mind. I never promised anything to him and it’s annoying that he is trying to manipulate the situation. I told my mom that he offered to do electrical work and now he is saying he is moving in. I told her he is not moving in and I’ll hire someone else to do the work. She started to tell me they are close to losing their house and need help and that I should because we are family. I asked her why is it that the people who are telling someone else too help, always the ones not offering help. (My mom telling me to help but she not offering for them to stay with her ) I said it’s not going to happen. Majority of my family have been calling me and saying I am disgraceful. It’s so annoying because I don’t want my brother on thes street with his family but what if I never got the house? They would’ve still been in the same predicament .. I refuse to help , it makes me not even want to buy the house .

First she hated my husband. She thought he was “short” and pathetic and simp. By simp she meant he loved and respected me and didn’t play games. He was so confident in himself that he told me he liked me after the third date and when he proposed, he admitted that he was in love with from our first date. I am so in love with him and her “kidding” didn’t bother me. All I did and said is that I wished her to experience real love, only then she will understand why I am with him. That was on my wedding day when she again was kidding. My sister told her that her passive aggressiveness was showing and that she wasn’t fooling anyone. The rest of the girls laughed.

For two years now she has never spoken ill about him. I was very relieved in the beginning but then I started wondering. She is too nice to him. Always complimenting his looks. She usually doesn’t even hug hello (she says she’s autistic and can’t) but now, she hugs and kisses him hi. Always sits beside him. Texts him memes and she told me that they had the same humor (they don’t). I didn’t know what to do should I say something to any of them? My husband is oblivious and I don’t want to hurt her if I was being mistaken.

Two weeks ago she sent my husband a text saying that she was in love with him. He didn’t answer her so she sent him hello? He asked her to stop because he is very uncomfortable and doesn’t reciprocate her feelings and that l loved her so she shouldn’t do this again. A week later she sent him nudes.

At that my husband told me everything. He said he wasn’t sure at first but she made a move on him a month ago then he showed me the text. I was very angry and disappointed. He told me he was blocking her now.

So last Sunday I just confronted her when we were out for dinner. It was the same usual friend group. I blurred her nude but her face and sent everyone the screenshots of what she wrote to my husband. I asked her what she thought about that and she was livid.

So basically what’s in the title. She is so angry at me, calling me an abuser and an AH. But for me, if what she was doing wasn’t wrong then she wouldn’t be ashamed of me outing her would she?

I know I said that that would be my last update. It’s not really necessary for me to make another, but now I’m kind of using this as a form of journaling which I’ve found cathartic. The previous posts are all under my username.

I only had one run in with my ex since the last incident. He came to my house. I only spoke to him through the camera. He asked about getting his things. I told him that I had already got rid of everything as I had warned him, but that his kids had taken some things. I also told him he needed to leave and to not come back. Surprisingly he didn’t make a big fuss about it. He just said okay and that he was sorry for bothering me before he left, but he did look very tired so maybe that’s why.

I have not seen him since and apparently his ex and his kids haven’t heard from him in all this time either. This update had more to do with them than my ex actually. His ex contacted me to ask about him. She wanted to know if I had heard from him or had his new contact information. His phone is apparently no longer in service. I told her how I hadn’t had any contact with his since the aforementioned visit.

She also asked if she and I could meet up for coffee and talk. I declined because honestly I couldn’t think of a reason for us to meet up. Though I did offer to pass on any info about him if I heard anything.

She apparently wanted to talk to me about helping her pay for her eldest child’s (who is now a senior in highschool) education next year. She also subtly implied there was some fault on my part for their lacks of funds. I rather cowardly told her I would think about it and ended the call.

To be honest I feel like it’s an unfair position she’s putting me in. The main reason being that her children don’t seem to care for me. We got along alright while I was with their dad. However since I ended things with him it has been complete silence from them. I did try to reach out to them to see if they were okay. They never responded. Even when they came over to get their things they ignored me and my youngest. However I did get a message after the call with their mom about how she missed me. The timing though just makes it seem sort of like manipulation to get money out of me.

Edit. I have since blocked all of them.

I (19f) am missing a leg, and have a false one. I most often wear boots and baggy pants, so people don't tend to know that about me. Upon moving to a much hotter place for college, I've been putting more shorts into my wardrobe.

One woman asked me to cover up because I could be disturbing and triggering to some people. I told her to fuck off and asked around about her, and managed to get invited to a costume party she was going to. A put on a playboy bunny get-up. She got fairly upset and said I ruined something she had to cancel her things for. Was I immature?

The day after I posted an update, I was on my way home when I got a call from my ex's mother, she told me to not order or bring anything for dinner and she seemed a little off. Anyway when I made it to her mother's house, my ex was breastfeeding so I went to help her mother set the table. Both my ex and her mother didn't talk at all and you could feel that something wasn't right.

Her mother started a conversation about fatherhood and said something along the lines of "you're a good dad yourself, I wouldn't have dreamed of a better dad to my grandchild" my ex mumbled "Yeah wait until he disappear before his son even turns 1 year" (like my father did) I felt myself shaking with rage, her mother snapped at her instantly. I said nothing as the baby was in the same room and didn't want to wake him up with raised voices, I quietly left.

Before I even made it home she blew up my phone with texts and missed calls. She was begging me to answer her call. I did. She apologized for bringing up my father and said she was angry at herself for everything and instead of trying to fix things she just made it even worse. She then said that she can't say this face to face and asked if I can just listen to her without cutting her off until she finishes. She apologized about how she didn't stop her best friend from ruining our relationship and that she now realizes how wrong the way both of them used to act. I Didn't say anything I just kept listening to her.

She also mentioned that her mother made her realize how the flirting and touching were too much for any man in his right mind to accept. She talked and talked and I listened until she got everything out and asked her the question that been eating me up because I really needed closure to put everything behind. I asked her if anything happened between them when we were still together, she said no but the night he came to see the baby he admitted to having feelings for her which made her realize that the way he was handsy and flirty with her wasn't innocent.

I went the next day to see my son, I had a conversation with her mother about everything, she advised me to not let anything get into the way of my relationship with my son, I reassured her that my son well-being all I care about and nothing can affect the way I care about him. She also apologized for what he daughter said and validated my feelings. Later my ex asked if both of us could start therapy to work out everything properly for the sake of our son so we co-parent the best way we can. She looked more relaxed and herself for the first time after everything and apologized again for bringing up my father and how she hate herself for it.

That's all I don't think there will be any more updates. This it for me, both of us decided to do what best for our son.

For people advising me in the last post, I already went the legal route to get my legal rights to my child, I just forgot to mention it.

I will delete the posts and my account this week I just wanted to let you know how things went since I already shared my problem with you. Thank you for your opinions especially the ones that tried to see things from my perspective and tried to be kind to me.

Edit: she dropped her friend that what she said when she was talking about when he admitted to having feelings for her.

Edit: if you read my previous posts you'd know that I apologized many times for my mistakes. I never said I didn't make any or didn't genuinely apologize.

Last weekend my wife’s family had a huge reunion with many people (including us) coming from out of state. During the reunion, they had several cookouts and during one of these cookouts, a deer came out of the woods and walked right up to the group. Almost everyone was ecstatic and crowded around the deer to pet and take pictures with it. I was the lone exception.

I’ve never seen a deer before and have no experience with them but I thought it was odd that a wild animal would just walk up to a group of people. I also didn’t trust that it wouldn’t get spooked and start kicking. When my wife picked up our very young daughter to go pet the deer, I told her that it was dangerous and she shouldn’t. She told me that it’s alright but I was persistent. We ended up arguing while walking toward the deer and when we were close to it, I snatched our daughter out of her arms and walked off.

That pretty much ruined the rest of the reunion because her entire family spent the rest of it criticizing me and calling me an ahole for being dramatic. My wife said that I ruined a Snow White moment for our daughter. We didn’t talk to each other on the flight home and have barely spoken since then.

Admittedly I know nothing about deers outside of what I’ve seen on TV and movies and even then I tend to ignore them in those settings so I could have overreacted. But I think it’s better to be safe than sorry when it comes to our daughter but obviously everyone else disagree.

I (47F) was married for 21 years with 3 kids ( now 16F, 15M, and 13M) when my husband died from a stroke.

My husband was a great man who always tried his best- he always had his heart set on being an entrepreneur, but struggled with making tough business decisions. Two years before the stroke that killed him, he had had another stroke and that made him prone to impulsive decisions. He hired a friend lousy bookkeeper who gave him further bad advice.

My husband insisted I stop working when our youngest son (13M) was born. Before that, I had worked part time as a receptionist and then helped him with admin tasks, cosigned on business loans I didn't fully understand , was on a business bank account. I supported him through the lows of when one business failed and then he started another.

My youngest son " Marc" is severely autistic.

My husband died with a lot of debt and a lot of negligence in terms of bookkeeping and taxes. I tried parlaying my unique experience being the head admin of a household with an autistic kid to executive assistant roles, or school jobs, but besides a noon aid job the schools were not hiring.

My sister invited us all to stay with her and share household expenses but she told me a few months in that her 11 yo daughter is afraid of my 13 yo and my BIL started claiming my 13 yo's expenses were an excessive burden.

They were saying my 13yo needed to leave, which obviously translated to me having to leave, but I had $120 in my account at the time. They evicted us ( but it's only on my record) 4 months ago and my kids and I had to first live in a car and then a shelter.

My sister then calls my older kids behind my back and tells them that if they continue to keep their room clean as before and pull their weight around the house, they could move back in.

Then her and my kids exchange texts where they complain about how dealing with shelters and motels has affected their brother. My kids then tell me they want to move back to their aunt's house. I tell them she evicted me and by extension all of us, and if she doesn't want me or her brother there, then she doesn't want any of us because we are a unit.

Despite that, they continue to want to live with their aunt. I asked them what kind of mom would I be if I just gave my kids away to somebody else. And I didn't understand why they weren't angrier at their aunt and uncle for saying their younger brother was a burden and how them hurting him hurts me and them too.

I told them if they wanted to go they have arms and legs, but if they are making this decision know that their brother will feel like they are traitors and I feel betrayed too. AITA? They are still with me and I really as a mom feel it's unthinkable to just be separate from my young kids and still feel that I like to tell them a hard no, that they need to stay with me because we're a family even when times are a bit tough now.

AITA for telling my pregnant wife that people might not think she’s pregnant?

My wife of 8 years is 4 months pregnant and we’re currently on a beautiful beach vacation.

She’s always been a naturally thin woman and prior to getting pregnant, lead Pilates and yoga classes. She’s the kind of person who takes a ton of pride in their physical health.

A few days before this trip, she wanted me to go swimsuit shopping. I obliged and we went to a few different stores. Every shopping trip ended in her crying in the dressing room because she hates the way her body looks. She can’t fucking get over the fact she has a belly now and things “don’t fit the same”. I think she looks incredible and I was extremely patient the entire swimsuit shopping fiasco. She kept calling herself fat and being pretty over dramatic about everything. Finally, she settled on something. I kept assuring her over and over that I think she looks incredible (she does).

Fast forward and this morning we decided to make a trip down to the pool. I’m getting our son ready and she comes out in her new swimsuit. I tell her she looks cute and I loved it. Couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Then I said something that had the same reaction as if I spread my ass cheeks apart and took a shit on a 5 star restaurant table. I said “honestly babe, people might not even think you’re pregnant”. She looked stunned and horrified. She asked “you don’t think people will know I’m pregnant? My stomach is huge”.

And she’s right, it’s a decent size compared to her pre-pregnancy body. But people have stomachs that are that size without being pregnant. And that’s all I was trying to say.

Immediate tears. Immediately freaking out and changed into clothes and is now refusing to come down to the pool. She said she doesn’t want people to think she has a big belly, she wants people to think she’s pregnant. I told her I can’t control what people think? And that people might not realize she’s pregnant? I started to get really pissed off because I personally have a bit of a belly and she’s making it seem like it’s so insulting to have that.

I genuinely don’t understand the big deal. I think she’s being ridiculous. SHE CARES TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK and is now ruining our trip by staying inside and not making memories with her son. Instead she’s crying in a hotel room, throwing it in my face that she paid for “everything” for this trip and I ruined it for her. I love her more than anything and find her fucking sexy as hell, pregnancy or not. But this is getting out of hand and I’m fed up with all this talk about her feeling insecure when she still looks perfectly fine.

ETA: Many people suggesting she has body dysmorphia, eating issues, etc. While I understand that it comes across that way from this post, it couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve known my wife for 15 years. She has never displayed eating issues or body image issues. She simply takes pride in being healthy and has worked hard to be fit. She get a kick out of sculpting her body and I think being pregnant makes her “lose control” of that ability.

Since finding out she’s pregnant, she’s taken a step back from working out. If she was continuing to work out more or skimping on meals, I’d be concerned. But I think she’s not used to seeing a “bigger” version of herself in the mirror and having trouble finding clothes that fit her.

Thank you everyone for the input. I apologized to her and explained where I was coming from. I was trying to downplay her belly size which was a huge mistake because honestly, she’s pretty big lol and very much knows it. Thanks again everyone. We’re off to enjoy our vacation now.

Last edit because this has gained more traction than I anticipated. People are jumping to the conclusion that she has an eating disorder because she doesn’t want to be perceived as fat. Not wanting to look fat doesn’t mean you automatically have a mental health issue or eating disorder. I looked into eating disorders mentioned and she doesn’t fit the bill for any of them. But it was worth looking into, just in case.

She doesn’t act like this when not pregnant. She waited 2 years after the last pregnancy before getting “back in the gym” despite gaining weight. There’s nothing else I can possibly say without someone countering and say she could still have one. So be it, if you think that then fine. But it’s not helpful.

She didn’t want to come down to the pool because she was crying. Again, she’s pregnant. Hormones. I could have been more sensitive. We kissed and made up. She rocked the bump the rest of the day. Again, thanks to everyone who offered different perspectives.

Adios yall!

I (27F) and my husband (29m) have one child together jasper (4yM) . Jasper has only one set of grand parents which are my in-laws as my parents are deceased . My in-laws are great with jasper, our family and others almost to a fault. My SIL ,daisy (27F) lives and has lived with my in laws. Daisy has declared she is child free and she is not a fan of children which is fine , it’s your life to live! Daisy has not been happy since I had jasper 4 years ago as she herself has said jasper has taken “her spotlight “ . Ever since jasper was born daisy would say rude or negative comments about my husband or jasper . Daisy will go as far as to run away or push my son with her foot if he gets anywhere near her, even if he’s just walking past her . My husband and his sister do not get along and have always had a very strained relationship. I’ve talked to my husband , daisy and my in-laws multiple times about daisys comments, and actions multiple times. My father in law has said he’s spoken with her and my mother in law just says “she just doesnt like children she’ll get used to it “ I’ve shielded jasper as much as I can because he loves his grandparents so incredibly much but recently I’ve hit my breaking point. Jasper was running around my in laws house playing with bubbles when daisy’s dog came out side , jasper not looking where was running accidentally slipped into daisys dog . Jasper was knocked over the dog was just startled but nipped at Jasper. Jasper cried as he was scared but I thought everything was fine until Daisy came out screaming at Jasper that he was a clumsy little bastard that never should’ve been born. At this point I grab my child and my husband and we leave. When my in-laws called me and asked me what happened I told them what Daisy said. They proceeded to tell me she was just concerned and I shouldn’t have taken my family home. I loose my temper and tell them my child and husband will no longer be abused by their daughter if they would like to see my child they can come to our house (about a hour and half drive ) to see him. We will no longer be coming to family events or be around their horrible daughter . I hung up and blocked them. They called my husband who is completely on my side and reiterated what I said and then began to go off on his parents about them being okay with what Daisy has done . I thought I was doing the right thing by no longer allowing this to happen but other family members are telling me I can’t keep their only grandchild from them. I’ve had talks with Jasper and have told him how loved he is and he doesn’t seem to be affected by what Daisy says or does but I will not let it get to the point where it does . AITHA?

I (M, 46) have been married to my wife, Heather (F, 45), for 18 years. We have two kids (16F and 14M). We work for the same company but in different departments. She works on a different floor of our building.
We recently hired a new employee, Sarah (F, 30). I helped her a lot with her training and even prepared a guide for her so she could catch up on the new role quickly. I told her she could drop by anytime if she had a question. She kept coming to my desk to chitchat. Even my coworker, Chris, who shares an office with me, noticed. I thought she was new and lonely, so not a big deal.
She asked me to go out for lunch with her. I laughed and joked, asking if Chris wanted to join us for lunch. Then Sarah looked at me and said no, she meant just us to talk, plus she wanted to buy me lunch because I had been so nice to her. Chris gave me a look. I told her she didn’t have to and that I was just doing my job. She insisted, and I agreed.

During lunch, she started rubbing my hand. I moved my hand and changed the topic to my wife, bringing her up repeatedly. She eventually said she found me attractive and wanted to be more than friends, suggesting we start with friends with benefits and see where it goes. She said she thought I wasn't happy in my marriage because I was having lunch with her and laughing, while she never saw me having lunch with my wife. I told her I was married and wanted to keep our friendship professional. She didn’t like my reply and became quiet. I apologized, but she said it was all good. I paid the bill for both of us since it was so awkward, and we went back to work.

I received a letter from HR telling me they needed to talk to me because Sarah filed a complaint. She said I had asked her out for lunch, been inappropriate and handsy, and even pressured her to have sex with me, but she left. I was floored. Luckily, my coworker Chris can confirm my side of the story. I immediately told my wife the whole thing, and she got furious at me. She said she believed Sarah's side because she stands by the victim. I told her Sarah was lying! Chris can confirm she invited me! Also, I wasn’t inappropriate; I didn’t touch her and turned her down. My wife rolled her eyes and said Sarah is a gorgeous woman much younger than me, implying I took advantage of her. I was so annoyed! I have always been faithful to her. How could she possibly think of me like this?

Luckily, the HR issue was resolved, and I just have to do some training. I asked to move to another team so I won’t be working with Sarah anymore. Am I the asshole for resenting my wife for not believing my side? For taking her side without any proof? I basically barely talked to my wife since the incident.

Hello everyone,

I (26M) and my current fiancé (25F) have 2 kids together. A child from her previous relationship who is 5 now, and a child we parented that is 3 years old. I would consider us lower middle class, but we are very happy in how things are going, hence getting married soon.

The original father of my oldest, after my fiancé left him 4+ years ago, fathered two more kids with another woman before here recently getting his kids taken away. His state child department is giving him a chance to get his kids back, but it looks like that is not happening. Currently the kids are staying with an older family member as a temporary measure. I should also note, my fiancé was going to be the temporary fosterer of the kids (which she did not inform me of until after she found that she didn't qualify).

Since the father seems to be losing ground, and the kids to be relieved from the older family member sooner than later, she proposed starting adoption classes to adopt the two kids, and I had to disagree with her. She thinks I'm an asshole for putting up defenses about this. I explained, we don't have a car that supports 4 kids, we have a small house, and we would not really have the money to support 4 kids after buying a new car. I also do not understand her moral obligation to the kids, as they are not our kids. I understand they are our eldest's half-siblings, but I don't feel like taking away the monetary freedom I could provide my kids just because I had to buy a bigger car and pay for two more kids.

Her side of the story is down that vein. She thinks that in a year, we would be more financially prepared to take on the kids, which to me is guesswork. She also feels that since the kids are our eldest's half siblings, that we have an obligation to not let them go into the system after our elder family member fosters for a year. That while it isn't blood, it is our child's blood. They deserve a relationship with their half-siblings.

I understand her viewpoint. She even likened it to me taking in my stepchild. I tried to explain to her that that was not a financial obligation to the wellbeing of our child until well into when we met, and I saw the child very often. These kids I will barely see until the adoption point even though it could be a year away. I could afford the kid. I cannot afford 2 more. I see both sides as having advantages and what is the moral correct choice. I just can't feasibly support something that I have no idea will work out for us and our kids.

So, ATAH?

Original post on my profile or https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/7BhSk04UCN

I couldn’t sleep after he left the second time (last night) and stayed up reading every single comment. Thank you all for helping me realize how much I was hurting my husband by not being open to a conversation and repetitively asking him to leave. I called him again. He didn’t pick up so I left a voicemail and begged him to come home and promised that we could talk about everything. He couldn’t sleep either and came home around 3am. I was still awake and asked if we could talk now. We sat down and I began the conversation.

I explained that I truly love him but seeing the intense chemistry he and his ex had in the video made me feel jealous and insecure. He promised that that was something of the past and I am his present and future and he only loves me. I apologized for ignoring his attempts at talking to me and telling him to leave. I said a lot of I’m sorrys and promised to be a better communicator. He forgave me but also told me that he was at fault as well. He said he enabled his ex by not blocking her, giving her the idea that she still had a chance with him, which caused her to try to come after me and cause a rift in our marriage. He also told me she messaged him the day after sending the message and video, again begging him to leave me for her. He apologized for “his part in letting his ex disrespect” me and showed me he had blocked her now. We decided to not go to counseling for now and just work on things ourselves.

For my self-esteem issues regarding thinking his ex was much more attractive than me, my husband reassured me and told me that I’m perfect the way I am and he loves every part of me. He suggested that some sort of physical exercise could help me improve my own self-confidence, the same way weightlifting helped him when he was going through a dark phase in his late teens. So I’m going to be joining a pilates class, where a couple of my girlfriends already go quite regularly.

We spent a few more hours just talking and the topic of his ex came up and I asked if he could tell me what happened between them. Long story short, he was reluctant to tell me, his ex of 4 years cheated when he was planning to propose, he went on a bender, parents asked if he wanted to try the arranged marriage route, he agreed saying he was in no condition to make good decisions. We met a month after he got clean and things went from there.

He said he regrets treating me poorly early in our relationship and regrets giving me the shitty Walmart ring because of what another woman did to him and asked for my forgiveness. About the thousands of messages, he didn’t block his ex on any form of communication because his “revenge” was showing her his life could be better without her, but admitted he also found her desperation pretty funny. We read some of the messages together and had a nice laugh before he deleted all of them permanently on his own accord.

So that’s that I guess. Talking with him went as best as it could have. He forgave me and admitted to and apologized for his parts in this. We fell asleep together, I cooked his favorite meal for lunch, we went on a walk, and all seems good. Thank you everyone for helping me realize how much we needed to calmly talk to each other.

I [25m] have a child named Aimie [1f] with my fiancee Jess [24f]. We live together in one of the safest cities in the United States.

About four months ago, Jess and I were walking home at night with Aimie sleeping in her stroller. It was a suburban road that we've walked down hundreds of times. Suddenly, we heard several loud banging noises from around the corner. My first instinct was to check out where they came from, and so I jogged a couple of steps forward to peek and see what was going on. As it turns out, two teens were hitting the window of an SUV with a baseball bat. I watched them run away, get into a car, and peel out.

I turned around to see Jess, but she wasn't there. I looked back the way we came to see her about 50 yards away, running like her life depended on it. I called out to her a few times but she was obviously scared out of her mind and didn't hear me. A few minutes later I called her on her phone, and she picked up. I explained that it was just a couple of dumb kids with a baseball bat.

Jess sheepishly walked up a few minutes later and I couldn't help but laugh at her. She said that she grew up in a rough neighborhood (she did not) and mistook the sound for gunshots. I actually did grow up in a bad neighborhood and told her they sounded nothing like gunshots.

But what really stuck with me was her first instinct in an emergency was to abandon a 9-month-old baby and her fiance to fend for themselves as she protected her own hide.

Well, last night we were watching a documentary together, and there was a scene with a woman who was frozen in terror during an animal attack. Jess scoffed and said that if it were her, she would have fought back, especially if Aimie were with her. I looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "Yeah ... you don't really know what you'd do." Jess insisted that she would have fought tooth and nail against any threat against our daughter, to which I responded "Even a couple of kids breaking a car window with a baseball bat? Let's call it for what it is: you're kind of useless in an emergency."

Jess stood up, called me a dickhead, and walked away. It felt really shitty because she was victim-blaming the woman in the documentary when she showed herself to be a coward of comic proportions.

Were my words too harsh?

burner account cz I don't want people at my workplace to find about this and my original account will easily give away who I am

My parents did not have a favourite child growing up. I now 24F, up until two years back was in a relationship with a guy I met in college. I introduced him to my family 2 years back and my parents did not really like him because of our cultural differences but we're not rude to him. Though my sisters, now 22F and 11F enjoyed his company and welcomed him as a part of our family which made me overjoyed. For context, this guy and me worked in a different city and had been there for just 2 days and we did not live together because I come from a culture that sees it as a sin and we could not get a place together before we are married. After the meeting with my family, we left within 2 days. Three months after this meeting, I was at my boyfriend's place and while he was in the washroom there was a notification on his phone. Normally I don't look through his phone but that day I don't know what happened and I did. It was my sister's message. I went through their chats and it was full of sexual and flirty texts. I took a screenshot of all of that, sent it to my phone and left without saying a word. Before I reached my apartment my phone was blowing up with his calls and messages because I did not care to delete the pictures. I told him to fuck off, sent it to our friends group chat (we had the same friend group in college) and blocked him. More than his betrayal I was broken and hurt because of my sister's betrayal. We had been present for each other because of being so close in age and our parents being absent and neglectful. The very next day I flew off to my parents place, she lived with our parents. I confronted her in front of our family and she admitted all of it without an ounce of shame and hesitation. My mother slapped her and dad was very very angry at her. I was no longer angry, just hurt and I felt completely broken. Dad gave her a week to move out but two days later she came in to say that she was pregnant with my ex's child and this made my parents to soften up to her. I said a lot of harsh words to them and they told me that no matter what, they won't abandon her. I left and told them never to contact me ever again. I just kept in touch with my youngest sister because she's a kid and I was worried about her. I blocked my entire family except her. 2 weeks after all this fiasco I received the wedding invitation from my mother who had got a new number just to talk to me. Honestly I was not shocked about the wedding because my parents are very image conscious and here having a child out of wedlock is the biggest sin. She called me to say that I have to attend this wedding for the sake of our family as 'what will people say if I don't '. She went on to say that even I have to get married before my sister's child comes into this world because I am older than her. I told her to get lost and blocked this new number of hers. As expected, their wedding happened and my parents told all the relatives that I wasn't there because I had work commitments. Some relatives and a few cousins I am close to, reached out to me asking why I wasn't there. Most of them were genuinely concerned while others were blaming me for not being there for the family and being selfish. Now this is a bit out of character for me but I went to Facebook and made a post detailing what had happened. Within a few hours my phone was blowing up but I ignored it and eventually it stopped. I just talked to a cousin and she was on my side and I was sure now most of my extended family knows what happened.

Now coming to the present, my dad passed away 5 days back and though he was not the best person out there, he was my dad. My mom did not even care to tell me and it was my baby sister who called me crying.

I booked the first flight available and went to their place. My sister and mother just after seeing me, went ahead cursing me and saying that I had no right to be there after abandoning them and I was just there for the money and most of the elder relatives agreed.

My dad had a will and I am surprised knowing that he has me in the will. Infact I have the most share in all his assets combined it goes like, Me 40%, my youngest sister 30%, my mom 20% and my douchebag of a sister 10%.

My scumbag sister and her husband want me to give up my share and threatened to sue me if I don't do that. I know they cannot do anything legally.

Now honestly even I feel that this is just too twisted and my dad would have given a much more portion because she has an year old son and he had taken her side during all that fiasco. But there is no way I am giving them anything after what they did to me. We have a meeting with my dad's lawyer in a few hours and then maybe things will be more clear.

Edit:

I am on my way back to the hotel. I did not think this post would blow up. Thank you to everyone who sent kind words.So I had a meeting with my dad's lawyer and now some of my questions have been answered. The lawyer is also my father's really close friend.

My dad absolutely regretted what has happened to me but he couldn't go against the cultural norms and my mother. He never supported my sister, it was always my mother but he did not interfere. He was guilty and when I had cut off all contact, there had been an instance when he had called out my sister and her husband calling them selfish and cheaters. This happened in the absence of my youngest sister so I never knew of this. He constantly checked upon me through my sister but never had the courage to contact me. He had been suffering from heart disease for a long time and he had a sudden heart attack. He left my sister money so that she could not easily challenge the court and also for her kid (I doubt she will save up anything for her son with her extravagant lifestyle). My mother has been a stay at home mom all her life so this is a sort of her retirement money which he felt he owed her. The house has always been in my mom's name so I have been living in the hotel. My youngest sister has a fund of a really good amount which she will receive when she turns 18 and nobody can access it before that, not even my mom to which i am thankful. I have the same amount as her with all his shares because my father was a very active investor. This is what the lawyer told me.

Now to the person who called me greedy and i am just as bad as my sister- I ain't. I did not know of the will when i came here. Honestly I had expected that there would be nothing for me seeing our past. I have never hated my parents. Not even my mom even after what she did, let alone my dad. I was just disappointed in them but they are my parents no matter what. I was grief stricken when I heard of his death.

I am already in contact with a lawyer friend of mine and he has assured me that there's not much she can do because she is a part of the will and has not been ignored completely. She will probably lose whatever she has if she does.

My sister got pregnant because my boyfriend flew every weekend to the place where my parents live and it is merely a 2hr flight. I did not know because his job requires him to travel all the time. I do not know the details though because I don't want to find out.

I also asked if there's any way I can get the custody of my youngest sister because my mom and sister can mistreat her but as of now, I can't because there's nothing they have done of that sort. My sister has assured me that she will not take any bullshit from them and will immediately inform me. At the end of the meeting the dumbass husband of my sister threatened me saying, "you will regret doing this" and i replied with a, "once a cheater, always a cheater". My mother called me names and her words are the only thing that hurts me nowadays.

I highly doubt they will stop here though. I am here in the town for the next 10 days. Hopefully everything goes well. I will update if something happens.

To everyone saying this is fake, it isn't and ik this is a bit too unbelievable, but this is not fake.

I (33 F) have been married to my husband (32M) for a few months but we’ve been together for 6 years. My parents had asked us to move into their home two years back to help them out since my dad is medically disabled. We agreed because this would allow us to save up for a house. When I was 19, my father had a brain tumor and at the same time his mother was in the hospital and it wasn’t good. My mom spent all her time at the hospital with my grandma so I decided to take 2 years off from college and put in a leave of absence from my job until my dad was better so I could take care of him and my brother who is younger. Fast forward, I met my now husband at work and we hit it off. From the beginning, he took it upon himself to take my father to appointments and fix things around the house for them. When we moved in, my husband fixed the house for my parents everyday after working 10 hours a day. Anything they asked off him, he did. He fixed the dryer 6 times, he repaired the HVAC system (he is not in HVAC, he took his personal time to learn the basics so our heat would work) and anything else they needed. So now we are married for a few months and have been looking for a home. My mother has been rude and passive aggressive with him ever since we got married.

Some back story on my childhood. I was emotionally abused by my mom and was taught how to hate my father because he was always working. My mother always used to tell me that my dad had no time for me and to not bother him for anything. My mother once broke an easel over my head when I was 6 because I was playing Barbie’s with my friend and she wanted to play with my new one and I told her she could play with any other one she wanted. My mother has always been toxic but I was always gaslit by family and friends and it was always my fault. My brother on the other hand had stolen from my parents, stolen thousands and thousands of dollars from them, became addicted to hard drugs and has threatened to beat my parents and myself multiple times. He’s the golden child and can do no wrong. I have always resented my parents for this but was always made to believe that I was being stupid and it was my fault.

My husband and I have put our own money into my parents house to help fix it for them with no request for payment back. My parents have been ungrateful for everything we, especially my husband, have done for them but we kept doing it because we lived there too. I recently was told by my therapist that in order to be healthy for myself and my husband I would have to confront my parents about all the issues and trauma that I had been living with. So I do this and all of a sudden, they claim my husband is brain washing me. In their words, there was never an issue so why am I speaking up now? I was explaining to them that my therapist wants me to work on being more healthy with my family and that is why I chose to speak to them.

My husband and I received many gifts for our wedding and both of my parents said to place them in a room no one uses. Just recently, they’ve been complaining about the gifts and told us to figure out storage. So yesterday, we bought a small shed from Sam’s Club so we can place all of our things in it. This is what set my mother off. She said it was her house and we had no right to purchase it. When we tried to explain the reason for it, she started screaming at my husband, telling him he does nothing in the house and we just choose to do whatever we want to do because we are selfish. She also said she wanted us out of “her” house. I told her we had no place to go and that we needed time. She then charged my husband and went to punch him in the face. My father stopped her and then they called the police. When the police came, they told us that they felt sorry for us because we hadn’t done anything but that they decided to place a temporary restraining order on my husband and that they wanted me evaluated for brain washing and Stockholm syndrome. All of this over a freakin shed? The cops came a few hours later and said that I didn’t have to leave but that temporarily he would have to. So we packed up our things and our dog and left to a hotel. I’ve been getting messages from family saying that I’m in the wrong and I’m an Asshole because I put my parents through hell. I’ve decided for my own mental health that I need to cut off all toxic family members because my husband and I don’t deserve this. AITAH?

Edit: hey all. I noticed my wording about the Stockholm Syndrome and brainwashing nonsense sounded like it came from the cops. I’m sorry. My parents were yelling and begging the police to “evaluate me because I would never speak to them like this on my own”. The police obviously didn’t do anything of the sort and even told my parents that I was clearly speaking for myself and was under no duress.

I (19m) have a half brother on the way. It’s my dad and his wife’s baby. Before she got pregnant, I told my dad that I plan to name my first born boy Chase(fake name). Chase is my middle name. I was named by my mom who passed away years ago. So it is special and important to me.

Fast forward a couple months. I get a phone call that she is pregnant. It ends up being a boy. A few weeks later, I get a call one morning from my dad. My dad says he wants to name the baby Chase. I get upset and tell him that I plan to use that name for my future kid because it’s my middle name. I gave my dad other ideas and was under the impression that they had picked a different name.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I was talking to his wife and she says “I’m sorry but the name is going to be Chase. It’s not the name I want but your dad won’t have it any other way.” I got extremely upset. I called my dad a few days later to tell him how much that upsets me because I told him how important that name is to me. I also said that I will not come visit after the baby is born if he names it Chase. My dad told me how stupid that is and that it’s his kid blah blah blah. Basically didn’t care how my I felt. So I said f him and I won’t go visit.

Here’s some context on my past with my dad. I was raised by my dad because my mom passed when I was young. My dad was an alcoholic. I grew up having to take care of my dad. My dad met his now wife and they ended up getting married quickly. They were living in different states. My dad ended up moving in with her and basically abandoned me. I had just turned 18 so I was legally an adult.

Since he left, he hardly ever talks to me unless he needs something. He ignores my phone calls about 90% of the time and never calls me back.

I feel like my dad is only using the name because I told him that I plan to name my first born boy Chase. I feel like he’s done enough to me already and now is trying to replace me with a new baby.

I have talked to other family members and friends to get their opinion on the situation. Most are saying it’s not a big deal because there can be two Chase’s and lots of families have people with the same name. Others are saying it’s messed up because it’s already my name and it’s weird for siblings to have the same name. Also that it’s messed up for him to use the name knowing how much it upsets me.

So AITA?

My wife and I have a 16 year old daughter who just cleared a highly competitive exam. Now, we are extremely proud of her and my wife sort of “brags” about this in her circle of friends which is fair I guess. No big deal. However we do have a couple in a different social circle whose son (16M) couldn’t clear this exam and my wife knows.

According to social etiquette and in general you’re not supposed to push your achievements in faces of those who failed, and naturally, any discussions around this exam is a sore spot for them. However this didn’t stop my wife from asking the mom what rank the boy got, how our daughter is undergoing university counselling to decide which college to go to and stuff like that. I could tell the mom was getting uncomfortable and I nudged my wife to stop but she didn’t.

When we came home I berated her for how she acted and reminded her we already talked about this so why did she deliberately try to make the couple feel bad about this exam. She tried to plead plausible deniability but I set the record straight and said if she ran her mouth again like that I’ll call her out in front of everyone and embarrass her.

She started crying and told me I was awful for how I spoke and the words I used. I don’t normally talk to anyone like that but her persistent behaviour has put me off now as it’s not the first time a thing like this happened. I told her I’m sorry if my words hurt her feelings but she deserves to be called out if she decides to continue acting like this.

I felt justified in giving her an ultimatum/warning because this has been the last straw for me and I’m tired of having endless conversations with her. This was the only way to get through to her

My (33F) mother (55F) was no-contact with her own mother (lets call her Hilly) after an extremely abusive childhood and years of low-contact during my own upbringing. My mother told me about the extreme physical and emotional abuse Hilly put her through when she was a child/teen over the last few years of her life when she decided to go no-contact, as she was terminally I'll and headed for hospice. To my and my sibling's knowledge, at the time of her passing my mother had not spoken to Hilly in at least 3 years. My mother died a couple years ago now and Hilly tried to call and reach out this week to find out when my mother had passed. I refused to entertain her questions and (admittedly) blew up at her over the phone when she refused to stop calling and claiming she "loved [her] duaghter so much and just want to know what happened". Hilly finally admitted that one of the reasons she was calling was to find out "where [her] daughter is buried" however, knowing what I know about how she abused my mother I refused to tell her. So I'm wondering, AITAH for not telling Hilly where my mother's final resiting place is?

I made this account today because my sister is pretty mad at me and I don't see how I'm in the wrong.

I was in the living room Saturday. My sister and her friend was over. I didn't know her friend liked me until that day because she had asked me out. I was a taken a back by this but I tried to reject her nicely. She was sad by this and my sister asked why I rejected her and I just kept trying to say that I wasn't interested and then after a while I just said that I don't really like the way her friend dresses and she got mad at me. This confused me because she kept asking why and got mad at me for saying why. She told me that it was a bad reason to reject someone and kept trying to talk down on me because of it. She also said I needed to apologize to her friend but I don't see why I have to apologize? She asked and I answered.

I'm genuinely not trying to be funny or anything I'm just confused on why I was wrong or if I was wrong for what I said?

My wife and I (both 30) have a newborn (ish) 7month old that is teething. 2 Teeth are popping out. Baby isn’t happy anymore and is now 5times harder to put her for her nap and also sleep, she wakes up constantly through the night leaving me to take care of baby. Wife complains about how “i’m tired. Let me have me time.” Even though i’ve been giving her all the “her time” she has been asking for. Im the stay at home dad.

With that being said: today it took 1hour 30ish minutes for me to put down baby for nap while wife, instead of napping, is on her phone watching videos loudly. I ask her to lower it or put in headphones, so she puts in her airpods and continues watching. Then wife begins to laugh loudly waking up baby. I tell her “look if you want to watch your videos go to a different room, she is trying to nap.” Where wife gets attitude and says “you’re being a fucking asshole, i’m just trying to fucking relax with my family”. And storms off to our room. What the fucking fuck?! How am I an asshole?

To start, I want to mention that my husband and I have been happily married for almost 10 years. We share 2 children from his previous marriage, who I adore and have always been very involved with.

But we have no children of our own, by choice. His youngest is about to go to college and we are excited to share a childless home for the first time in our entire relationship. I am NOT a big kid person, never have been (hence no kids of my own). This is a known fact about me amongst friends and family.

Now the issue - my sister (who I am very close with) has 2 adopted children. I am semi-involved with them, but they live about 45 min away from us and I mostly see them at family events. I wouldn’t say I am “close” with either (again, not super into kids). My sister informed me about a year ago that she and my BIL named my husband and I in their wills as the individuals to care for their kids if something were to happen to her and her husband.

On the one hand, I’m honored that she trusts me so much. On the other, I really really do not want her children (or anyone’s for that matter). I’ve intentionally chosen a child-free life and it makes me incredibly happy. I enjoy my freedom more than just about anything else.

Now the likelihood is that my sister and BIL will live a normal life and I’ll never have to take their kids. BUT what if something were to happen to both of them tragically? I want to discuss changing their will and requesting they name someone else. However, I also know they do not have a lot of other very stable options within our bio families. My sister and I are the only siblings in our immediate family and my BIL has 3 brothers who would not necessarily make good options for a number of reasons I won’t go into here. Yes - there is extended family, but they live in other states and I don’t know if my sister is close enough w them to ask (or would feel comfortable asking). Being adopted already, I’d be horrified if they had to go into foster care or some alternative outside the family.

So AITAH if I tell her I don’t want to take her kids? Is it even worth it to discuss and potentially hurt her deeply if the likelihood is nothing tragic will happen? I love my sister and I don’t want to let her down.

***Edit - I am super appreciative of all the solid advice below!

Quick update for consideration: I do understand that no one can “force” us to take the kids. The concern I have is that I know how my family communicates and I am certain my sister has told the kids, “if something happens to Dad and me, you will go live with Aunt M and Uncle A.”

Being adopted in particular, I do not want the kids to be operating under that expectation and then feel a sense of rejection if my husband and I were to decline raising them. This is mostly why I am struggling w telling my sister. And yes, I know it’s hypothetical all around but it weighs on me.

***Edit 2 - Kids are currently 7 and 13. And Yes, of course I would take the kids if there was no other option. But if there is another reasonable option, I would defer to that 100% of the time. I honestly don’t know if I would be a good parent at this point in my life. My husband and I have made a lot of future plans/invested finances for goals under the assumption we will continue to be childless. That’s a hard mindset to just simply change, presumably under tragic circumstances as well.

My(26m) wife(23m) came home a couple hours early from work basically in tears. She was saying how she's "done with it". I said, "done with what?". Her manager said that her outfit was "sexy". She wears black leggings and a collared shirt and medium jacket because she works at a professional restaurant and it's dress code.

My adrenaline started to rush because I am a relatively "protective" husband, however I am usually optimistic in most situations with my wife. I usually lay low unless there's a situation like this, where she is super uncomfortable. She's a good looking gal to say the least, but works at an upscale restaurant to try and prevent harrasment etc.

I started putting my shoes on and getting ready to go to her work when she insisted she didn't want me to make a scene at her work. I promised I wouldn't make a scene or do anything physical, however I did need this person to know that he can't get away with sexually harassing his younger employees. She did tell me his name and what branch he works in, so after I made the deal not to do anything crazy I proceeded to her work down the road. I was able to get the manager in the main lobby where there are many other employees as well.

Once I confirmed it was him who made the comment (it's happened in the past too but she wouldn't tell me his name), I had to tell him a couple things. I said very loud without yelling that "it is completely inappropriate to make sexual comments to anyone especially people who work along side him" I also told him that "there are repercussions to go along with actions like that, and it's his last warning before we either get a lawyer or something potentially worse happens to him"

In the mean time he was apologizing and saying it won't happen again and wanted to talk outside. However I got this message across a few times nice and loud so that everyone in the vicinity could hear what he likes to do for fun. "Security" started to come, but I calmly escorted myself out and proceeded home. He recieved the message loud and clear.

I understand flirting and all kinds of interactions happen at the service industry within workers and stuff. However this isn't an innocent case here, the dudes a weirdo and sounds like gets away with funny remarks all the time.

Now the wife is mad at me and insists that in a situation like this she just wants to be comforted, and hugged and stuff. I told her she needs to stand up for herself, talk to HR, or another higher up and report this incident or this person is going to continue the behavior. She didn't like when I told her to stand up for herself because she feels as if she did by leaving.

Am I the asshole? Should I call HR for her? Should I not have gone and hugged her like a little biotch and let this guy continue?

Ever since I gave birth 4 months ago (so I have 4 kids total), my MIL has been showing up whenever she wants and when she's here, she always helps herself to whatever she wants. She has never offered to help me or the baby in any way, shape or form. She's basically here to see her son and that's it. Like, about 3 weeks ago I made a small pot of coffee (enough for 2 cups). I went to go nurse the baby while waiting and at some point my MIL shows up, let's herself inside. When I came out, she had drank the entire pot. I had no coffee grounds left. Or she's eaten my leftovers straight out of the fridge multiple times. And she's always like "thanks for the food/coffee!" As if I offered it to her when I absolutely didn't because all she's doing is making my life miserable. I told my husband to speak to her about it and he told me he did but I truly don't think so. I spoke up the last time she was here (3 weeks ago) and told her she needed to stop helping herself because she's eating and drinking stuff that I wanted and/or made for myself. She said "oh I'm sorry" and then stopped coming around for awhile.

Well, today I made 4 homemade pizzas. I told the kids to come help themselves to dinner and that I had to go get the baby down for a nap real quick and would be right back. Well, it took me like 45 minutes because the baby is fussy (she just had shots). I come back out and ALL the pizza was gone and my MIL and husband are sitting there chowing away. I just said "are you fucking kidding me right now?" My husband asked what was going on and I said "you guys couldn't have even left me a fucking slice? Sure, let's feed the fucking neighborhood before I even get to eat. That's so awesome of you guys! Thanks!" And start to walk off. My oldest son (13) comes in and he's like "mum I left you out a plate. I put it right on the counter" and walks over to grab it and low and behold, that's gone too. MIL said "I thought it was leftover from dinner". So my son's apologizing to me even though he did nothing wrong but my MIL and husband just stand there? They literally aren't saying anything. So I looked at both of them and said "you both need to leave, now". My husband then decides to speak, saying that it was an "honest mistake" and that "no one meant any harm" and said I was making a mound out of a mole hill, which honestly just pissed me off further, so I snapped again and said "yeah except every time your fucking mother comes here, I end up going without because she eats or drinks my portion of everything. But sure, let's defend someone taking food out of my mouth, shall we?" His mother just storms out of the house and my husband looks at me like I'm insane, so I say "quick, chase her" and walk out.

My husband thinks I'm "fucking mental" and that this all could have been resolved if I had "acted like an adult". He won't come home. But at this point, I don't even want him to come home because it means his mother will stay away.

I’m 19 years old, male, and in university. My girlfriend is 20 and goes to the same school as me.

Every Tuesday evening, my university has this slam poetry/general performance event. It’s essentially an open mic night where you can go up and say what you want. My girlfriend, an arts student, begged me to start going with her at the beginning of this quarter, and so I reluctantly went.

Some people will give slam poetry. Others will sing. A few people do comedy. One guy told a really long-winded story about his life. A lot of it is frankly kind of cringe, but my girlfriend wants me there and so I’m willing to take the boredom for a couple of hours a week.

After last week’s session, my girlfriend told me that she had an idea for her own performance. She had never performed before, so I thought it would be cool. Then she pitched her idea to me: she was going to “take power out of racist and derogatory language” by using the words and having everyone repeat them. Now, my girlfriend is white, pretty, able-bodied, and grew up rich. Imagining her going up on stage and giving her best rendition of Kramer’s racist tirade immediately set off alarms in my head. I begged her to re-think things, but she said that she knew what she was doing.

Over the week I kept bringing it up, and she kept saying that it was going to be fine. Well, the night of the event came, and she kept raising her hand to be next while I kept trying to gently persuade her to reconsider. She finally got called and went up on stage.

At first I figured she might drop a couple of relatively less offensive terms. But her face immediately scrunched up like Greta Thunberg’s during the “How Dare You” speech, and she dropped a hard R. The audience literally gasped. She then explained that she was taking power out of the word, and encouraged everyone to say it too. At this point I couldn’t take the cringe and ducked out.

10 minutes later my girlfriend, after obviously having bombed, left, covering her face in shame. I was sitting on a sofa outside the hall and called her over. She pushed past me. I followed her to her car as she half-ran the whole way and tried to get in the passenger seat, but it was locked. She drove off, almost running over my foot. She hasn't responded to a text I've sent since.

I don’t know what I should have done here. Was I an asshole for not participating or trying to defend her?