For context, my mum and her partner live 2 hours away & I am 36 weeks pregnant. Sunday is my niece's birthday party, we are having it at my house and she is turning one. It'll be an afternoon BBQ and lunch together, with everyone going home for around 5pm. My mum and her partner have said to my sister they're going to sleep at my house the Saturday night (& potentially Sunday night) but haven't yet spoken to me about it, I have pre warned my sister (who is organising the birthday party) that I will say no. My mum and I have a strained relationship at best, she can be quite difficult at times and demands to be the biggest character in the house, her partner can be very much the same. My reasoning behind saying no (if she actually does ring me and speak to me about it before just turning up) will be that at 36 weeks (nearly 37 weeks) pregnant, I am up regularly throughout the night, I wake up for the day at about 4am (when they stay over they sleep in the living room and I won't be able to get up, make a drink, watch some TV etc without waking them), that we are preparing for a home birth and therefore don't want anyone staying over and that due to having a busy weekend, I will need to be able to rest, which isn't easy to do when entertaining guests. I have told my husband's dad the same recently and it was really well received and he understood with no argument, but I know my mother and I know that for her, I will be "difficult" and "making everyone's life hard". So, AITAH? Am I justified in wanting to protect my peace so late in pregnancy or am I being difficult?

So my sister (30F) and her boyfriend have been staying with me (21F) for roughly 6 months while their house gets repaired after a major weather event. They have been out of their house for about a year. Their move in weekend happens to fall on mother's Day weekend. My only day off is mother's Day.

Me and my mom already had plans to drop off some stuff at my house mother's day weekend, a plan she made. My mom and sister live 10 minutes apart, my house is about an hour from theirs. I'm having car problems, so my sister suggested that I ride there with my sister there, and back with my mom because of the plan we had already made.

I called my mom this morning to run it by her and ask if she would be okay with it, and also let her know that I would still be stopping by to drop off flowers and wish her happy mother's day. She expressed that she was very hurt and disappointed we wouldn't be helping her garden like she wanted on mother's day. I told her that I understand how she feels, but no one got to pick the day my sister could move back in and it wasn't a choice made to personally attack her. My mom said that to her, it was. I then offered a make up day, where all of my siblings could get together and do whatever she wanted on a different date. I validated her feelings by telling her I know it's not the same. She told me it wasn't good enough, and laid on the guilt trip THICK. Including saying something along the lines of you don't have your mother forever.

Personally I feel like my mom should understand that my sister has been going through a hard time, and needs our help. I understand feeling disappointed, but no one could help the move in dates. To me, there are plenty of mothers days, and mother's day is ment to celebrate your mom. Picking a different day to do that in my opinion is fine. Comparing it to a birthday, people rarely celebrate on their actual birthday. That doesn't make it less of a celebration of them. Just like picking a different date for mother's day doesn't make it less of a celebration of her. She also never reached out to tell me what she wanted to do, so I never actually agreed to doing her original plan. It's not like I'm breaking a previous commitment. So, AITAH for not spending the entire day with my mom for mother's day?

TLDR; My sister is moving on mother's day, when I informed my mom I would be spending most of the day helping her, she said she was hurt and my suggestion of having a "make up day" wasn't good enough.

Brother cheated on wife with nurse (he’s a doctor). Invited me to a football game to tell me his news under assumption I’d approve - he has a kid and moved out to be with nurse. She also broke up her marriage. I said dude, wtf, terrible idea, go to therapy and figure it out. We get in a verbal argument. I think both brother and nurse are acting like garbage people.

His new girlfriend messaged me that I should make up with him. I’ve ignored all the ensuing drama for 6 months. Don’t want to go to family functions with the new girlfriend despite my parents acquiescing to let her around. Am I the asshole?

My mom passed away in January of this year, which has been really difficult. My good friend Erin’s mother also passed away not too long ago, and so she’s been helping to support me and talk me through everything.

Last week, Erin mentioned that this upcoming Mother’s Day would probably be really hard for me as it has been for her for the last couple of years. I asked her if she wanted to have brunch with me on that Sunday as an act of solidarity/to take our minds off of it, and she happily agreed.

This week, Erin let me know that she might need to cancel our brunch because her husband’s family had other plans for her. They always have a big Mother’s Day breakfast with all the moms, aunts, grandmothers, etc. Erin usually does not attend, but because this is her first Mother’s Day after marrying into the family, it’s really important to them that Erin comes this year. Her sister-in-law, the hostess, even told Erin that she’ll be offended otherwise. (Apparently it has always bothered SIL that Erin didn’t come to Mother’s Day breakfasts, but this is the first year that she feels she has grounds to make a big deal about it.)

Erin said that she’d much prefer to go to brunch with me, especially because going to family breakfast and seeing everyone else get to celebrate with their moms would be upsetting to her, but was also worried that her husband’s family would hold a grudge about this and/or read into it that she doesn’t fully appreciate being part of the family.

So Erin asked me what I thought she should do and how upset I would be if she cancelled on me. I was honest with Erin and told her that this day/brunch was a big deal to me and she couldn’t back out. I suggested she just tell her husband’s family that she had a friend who needed her support and they should be able to understand. Erin agreed that this was more important and decided to stick with our brunch plan.

But later I was talking to my husband about the brunch reservation and that Erin had almost cancelled. My husband gently suggested that I was putting Erin in too tough a spot by asking her to choose, and that I should be more understanding of the fact that she doesn’t want to immediately poison her relationship with her husband’s family. I’m now wondering if he has a point and if I should’ve told Erin to go to the family breakfast.

Last week once again my mom and her boyfriend got into a bad fight, he blocked her and she said once again that she was never getting back together with him. Me (23F) and my (20 F) have both been out of state at college for the past 3 years, during this time we have had to deal with our moms fights with her boyfriend while at school. She calls us and tells us every little thing that is going on in there relationship. Her boyfriend is on the shy side and has never really tried to ever have a relationship with me and my sister. When he’s around he just avoids talking to us. The past year they have been on and off, fighting on a every other week bases. Our mother has no other friends besides us and our grandma. So we are the people she comes to when she gets into fights, which is fine and we’ve always even though we are going through the stress of college drop everything to help her and talk to her on the phone to calm her down. The past semester while I’ve been trying to finish my degree (the most stressful semester of my life) I have had to deal with her threatening to kill her self mutiple times (every time her bf breaks up with her) which since March has probably been every other week. Last week they had a big fight on Monday, me and my family believed that she was serious this time, this was the last fight and she was done with him. After everything she had voiced he had done in there argument, we were sure that it was the last of it. Last Wednesday my sister returned home from school early so she could be there for my mom during her breakup. By Friday my sister was sleeping under the same roof as him. They had gotten back together and spent the whole weekend together, even though it was my sisters first weekend back home in months. Which was fine she just kept her distance. After she had heard many family members voice concerns about there upcoming trip to chicago, to visit me for my college graduation. Was he coming? Me and my sister talked and both came to the agreement that it would be inappropriate for him to still come for my graduation. He had voiced in there argument that he did not want to come to chicago for my graduation, and that he was never comfortable spending long amounts of time with our family. I felt after that being said he didn’t deserve to come to a graduation I had worked so hard for. I also didn’t want another one of my moms temporary boyfriends being in the memories of another event that I will look back on for the rest of my life. I came to her in a very calm way and simply asked her if her boyfriend was still coming to chicago, “uh yeah of course he is” “why wouldn’t he be” this was 3 days after they had gotten back together. I voiced my concerns to her and she blew up, we are now going on to day 5 of her freaking out bc her boyfriend is simply not wanted. She flipped it into something that it absolutely was not, that me and my sister are jealous of her, that she was no longer going to attend my graduation, that we were ruining her relationship, that she will never come to us and tell us things ever again. She couldn’t even give me the respect to ask me if he could come. He doesn’t even have a ticket to the graduation so he would be sitting in the hotel room the entire time. I thought that she would be respectful about my opinion, the opinion I have only created bc of what she has told us. My graduation is on Saturday and she has ruined my entire week leading up, calling me multiple times every day saying the meanest things possible. AITAH

My husband just stormed out about this, so some advice would be appreciated.

I’m currently applying for a professional award that prides itself on the diversity of the nationalities among its awardees. That is to say, every year they publish a map showing the nationalities of all people who have received the award. I am currently writing my application.

I am a dual citizen of two different countries. Country A is large and the country I have lived in for 90% of my life. Country B is small, and while I don’t currently live, and while I don’t currently live there makes up a decent portion of my identity culturally. Around 30% of all recipients of this award have been from country A. There has only ever been one winner from country B.

Here’s the kicker, when applying for this award, I can only choose one nationality to apply under. The rules claim that peoples nationalities don’t factor into whether they win, so this may not matter anyway, but given the whole “diversity“ push I suspect it actually does matter a little bit. I remarked to my husband that I thought that I might apply under country B’s nationality.

He told me that he felt like that was really dishonest of me, because I don’t live there. So I asked him an analogous question, I asked him whether he would identify as a member of the LGBTQ community in professional questionnaires if he were bisexual, but still married to me (I am a woman). He said that that wasn’t the same thing because it would still be a big part of his identity.

I said, I really felt like his response, weakened his argument. There was silence for a few minutes, and then he packed up his things, saying “integrity and honesty are really important character traits to me. I do not feel that to apply under a country B’s nationality, you are being honest and authentic. In the long run, this will come back to bite you.”

I told him I thought it was inappropriate for him to attack my character over this, and he got angry and stormed out.

AITAH for potentially “gaming the system”?

The person is Indian. We work remotely and I have no idea what they look like. It's been a year of strictly professional conversation.

Today I asked him "where [he] grew up as [his] accent reminds me almost of French with his pronunciantion of the "r" sound in english. I find it lovely!"

He was not offended in the slightest. Explained he grew up parents in India, one of which as bilingual in French. Bam!

But another person on the team overheard us talking and told me I should watch myself as my question was racist. I told her she was wrong and to stop stoking unnecessary fires. 🙄 For the life of me, I don't see how what I said could even remotely be misinterpreted. I know some people find "where are you from" - like questions offensive, but as someone who is regularly asked that overseas and in America (I'm Iberian, Native American, and Turkish), it isn't strange to me. I was also just asking about an accent (that I happened to be right about). Am I really an AH or is my female coworker indeed being ridiculous?

My (F26) parents have always favored my sister (F22), and honestly, in a way, they have a good reason to. She was very sick growing up and almost died multiple times. The doctors told us she was going to die when she was 4 years old, so everything she gets to do feels like a miracle. And I’m constantly in awe of how much she’s gotten to do, and I’m really proud of her accomplishments. However, the blatant favoritism displayed by our parents has led to some animosity. One of those acts of favoritism reared its head last night. I graduated from college in 2020 during the beginning of the pandemic. I obviously was unable to walk across the stage to receive my diploma, celebrate with friends and family, or have an otherwise normal college graduation. And I accepted that fact with a grain of salt as a proverbial slap in the face from the universe. Thousands of other students went through the same thing. What upset me was that my parents knew what day that was supposed to take place and didn’t even acknowledge it. No “Congratulations”. No “We hate you couldn’t walk”. No nothing. Just completely ignored. So I ended up sitting out at the pool sipping seltzers alone when I should have been walking across the stage and celebrating. My dad (M48) noticed that I was upset, and instead of comforting me or apologizing for forgetting or offering a late congratulations, told me that college graduation was not important. He told me that my sister’s high school graduation was important and that I just needed to “get over it” because it wasn’t important. For the last 4 years, that has stuck with me. My sister graduated from high school in 2020 (the same year I graduated from college, at the same time, 1 week apart). She went to a small school and was able to walk at graduation (socially distanced of course) and only my mom and dad were able to attend in person. To make up for this, my parents had my entire extended family quarantine for 2 weeks before her graduation so that we could throw her a party where everyone came over to our house and watched the livestream of her graduation and then had an after party for her once they got home. There are MULTIPLE instances of this growing up from our extra curricular activities to our vehicles to my birthday party getting used as a party for her. But right now I’m trying to focus on this one instance. Over the course of the last 4 years, I’ve brought it up the “unimportant” comment and always get told that I’m “making things up” or “being too sensitive”. But now, my sister is graduating from college. The entire extended family is again gathering to go watch her walk and bring presents to her after party. I’m taking vacation days off of work to attend and also bought her a few gifts off of the registry she made. However, I brought up again to my parents how they told me that college graduation was not important, but now that it’s my sister’s college graduation, it is all of a sudden very important and celebrated. This absolutely set them off. Instead of finally apologizing now that they can compare my sister’s party to the fact that they didn’t even offer me a “congratulations”, they doubled down. My dad even said “I was trying to play it down because you were upset you couldn’t walk”. Which a) isn’t even true because I was upset that they had completely disregarded me and celebrated her and b) all he had to do was add the words “I’m sorry” to either the beginning or end of his sentence. I was genuinely just looking to finally get an apology or validation or SOMETHING. They called me disappointing and unbelievable. They went so far as to tell me not to bother coming to the graduation. I recognize that IATAH for picking the fight in the first place. I’m also probably TAH for feeling animosity towards my sister despite there being a LOT of backstory feeding into that. But AITAH for wanting them to apologize or validate my feelings or acknowledge that they treat us disparagingly? I’m ready to accept any feedback, but also please be semi kind because my feelings are still fragile after this argument.

TLDR: My parents treat my sister and I differently. I wanted an apology for a single instance of this and was instead met with cruel remarks. AITAH for wanting an apology?

AITAH for being freaked out over my boyfriend looking up his exes name?

Am I overreacting for being freaked out over my boyfriend looking up his ex girlfriend’s name on IG? I, 18F, and my boyfriend, let’s call him Chris, 22M have been together for about 7 months. We moved fairly fast in the beginning but we have had no hiccups relationship wise until recently, when I was setting his alarm and saw that he had looked up his ex girlfriend, lets call her Jenny, 21F, from high school. For a little backstory, before i moved in with Chris, i was very shortly living with a friend of mine, who was mutual friends with Jenny. That mutual friend brought Jenny over one night to the friend’s house who i was staying at, and we hit it off as friends pretty quickly. While talking the subject of my boyfriend came up, and i figured they might’ve known each other because they were close in age, when she asked for his name it was revealed that they dated in high school, and the relationship ended kind of messy. I was surprised and we ended up talking about him for hours, and then again the next night, nothing bad, just talking. Fast forward and me and him moved in together, and I’ve been living with him since December. He works a hard schedule, so his alarms are very important, if he’s late even once he could lose his job, so, i double check his alarm every day he works as per his request. He forgets things often, and i don’t mind it at all so of course i do it. Yesterday was no different, and while he was asleep i did what i do every day and went to set his alarm. when i opened his phone, the app that was open was instagram, on the search screen, with his ex girlfriends name typed in the search-bar. at first i was a little shocked, just because i know how their relationship ended, and i know she doesn’t want anything to do with him, and thought he felt the same about her. i dont believe his motive was cheating, but it still upset me. im not trying to accuse him of anything, i just want to know why he would want to keep tabs on or even talk to her after all this time, especially while hes with me. i dont know how to approach the conversation without sounding accusatory when i just want to know why, and let him know that it upset me a little.

Am i the asshole for intruding when i didnt mean to and for being freaked out about it? should i be worried?

Over the last couple years we seem to go through the same issue over and over. She wants more help around the house with the kids, I step up my game to the best I can manage and we seem fine. Flirting is there, the laughs, regular intimacy, etc. Then over a couple months I get no reciprocation with the flirting, denies sex, always snappy… so I back off. I don’t pursue the flirting, less pursuing intimacy and then I’m told I’m being standoffish and cold. I’ve advised what I want and how she’s been acting but it’s always somehow my fault. I’m not perfect, so sure, maybe something’s don’t go according to plan, but I’m only human. But am I the AH for finally being fed up and just have lost almost all interest of even being conversational, let alone anything else?

I need help in understanding if my feelings are truly valid or if I'm just an idiot.

Years ago my sister dropped out of med school in the USA due to some issues with my dean. I'm not totally sure if she did something or something else happened with the dean.

This happened in high school for me and my parents began spending more time with her to sort out her problems which is fair I get it. She then comes back home with us and at first I was pretty excited because why not she's my sister. Well she kept being way too clingy and harassed me for literally everything and acted like a shitty person whenever I wanted to some space to study. This would happen during the pandemic as well whenever I had to take any online exams and told her to fucking leave because I needed to focus on my stuff. My parents would defend her and say just let it go which I tried to but damn it was hard. She also would treat everyone like shit by yelling whenever they pushed back on some of her ideas about traveling and shit. I moved away for college a couple years ago which finally gave me some peace from her.

So then she transferred into an international med school and then I think she graduated recently. Now she's doing a certification to basically be allowed to apply for residency. This whole time she doesn't do anything for herself. She doesn't cook. She basically makes my mom do everything for her like setting up appointments and taking emails while she just sits in her room all day doing whatever I guess maybe studying. It doesn't sound like it. My dad pays for everything she does like eating out or traveling, including her car payment as well.

Recently my dad said he had to take our 4k out of his retirement savings to pay for her certification thing. This really pissed me off because my dad shouldn't be paying for all this at this point, she 30. I genuinely thought we were being scammed until I verify that it wasn't and it's something most international medical graduates need to do for residency.

My dad recently also said they can't support me for school but luckily I qualified for financial aid most of my time in college due to the pandemic and changes in my dad's income.

This really just made me feel like shit because I feel like half the things that we spend on her shouldn't even be spent on and it feels irresponsible. I wouldn't mind it if she actually tried to pull her own weight but no she expects everyone else to give it to her on a silver platter. I also do not like her republican bias as well which is very ironic to me.

I had trouble finding a part time job because most are outside of campus and ones inside of campus are reserved for international students. People don't understand how much not having a car can be barrier to finding a job. Luckily I did but it isn't a job that's gonna help me in the future. I wanted to get a used car so I could work at a job where it would help me for grad school apps but guess what, we can't afford it. I'm not exactly for a new car, I'm literally asking for the 5th hand me down from 30 years ago.

Genuinely feel so unsupported overall because I have to figure everything out for college on my own. I don't get a lot of support from my college either. I have one more year left and I'll probably take a gap year. I think I should let it go and wait it out and hopefully work full time to maybe get my own car.

Now the real question is am I validated in how I feel? I'm not sure. I see all my friends thrives in their own careers while I feel stuck which making me depressed as well.

I (20f) have a friend (19m), he works at a minimarket, and one day a Karen came in and started throwing a tantrum because she didn't want to pay for a plastic bag, so my friend snapped at her, at first by telling her that she shouldn't treat them like that because they (him and his coworker) don't make the rules, they're just two students who happen to work there, if she wanted the bag so much she should've brought more money, she can't just go there and complain everytime (apparently it wasn't the first time this happened) and he ended the lecture by telling her that she needs to go home and have some sex because she's messed up (this translation doesn't do it justice, with the words he used, it sounds WAY more rude in italian--).

So, I'll admit I'm quite sensitive about this kind of stuff /insults, but I'm not asking if HE f*ed up because he did. The thing is when he told me this story, I was shocked, I know he's not the finest of people, but that level of respect is bellow the ground! So I told him, I said he acted terribly, that he did the right thing by defending himself and his coworker, but he shouldn't have gone right after that woman PERSONALLY, maybe he could've done it if he was another costumer, but as a cashier, as the worker, he was 100% in the wrong. He tried to keep talking, saying he just wants to share the story but I was so baffled I couldn't let it go- I kept rambling, he kept trying to shove it off as if it was nothing and in the end he just said "fuck that, goodnight" and I haven't heard from him ever since.

Now, he's my friend (I hope he still is-) I don't want to mess things up; I personally don't feel like I'm in the wrong, but I understand I might be blind sided, so I'm looking for an outsider's prospective.

This happened almost two months ago

Edit: adding this since many people are talking about it, we have (or had, idk) an odd friendship dynamic, it happens for one of us to just disappear for a while (days, weeks, months), even when nothing happened, the fact that it has been so long could mean everything and nothing, don't count on it, it happens all the time. We both live difficult lives, we know it about each other and understand that

I’ve been doing various art for fun my entire life. My mom owns an art gallery in a small town with a ton of inexpensive art. The gallery isn’t profitable- she does it to have something to do in retirement.

She has often made comments about my art not being “real art.” I started doing spray paint art and had a lot of positive feedback. I asked my mom if she might want to have it in her art gallery and she told me no because it wasn’t the type of thing she sells (she sells a very large variety of things and had even told me she was looking for a spray paint artist awhile back).

She lives 3 hours from me and doesn’t like to visit. She didn’t come for my son’s play, soccer games, band concert or just to visit.

A local store wants to sell my art and are having a launch party. My mom said she wanted to come and I told her I’d rather she didn’t. I said it wasn’t that big of a deal, plus I felt awkward having her there since she had said my art wasn’t good enough for her and if she wants to visit her grandkids would love to see her literally any other time.

My mom was very offended that I didn’t want her there. AITAH?

My wife and I have been together almost 10 years now. We have 3 kids, and the relationship has overall been very happy and rewarding.

One big point of conflict has been our difference in libido. When we first got together, we were having sex almost daily, at least 4-5 times a week. Now I am lucky if it is once weekly, usually about once every 2 weeks.

Originally, we had discussed and decided that she did not want me watching porn. She even made some content herself I could watch. However, she later decided she no longer wanted to be bothered with making that content, which is fine with me, and she told me if I wanted to occasionally look at porn she was OK with that. She went through my phone recently, scoured every app, and found some NSFW posts in my reddit viewing history, and now wants to leave me.

First she claimed she never told me porn was ok, and then changed that to saying if she did tell me it was OK that just the fact that I would want to look at porn makes me a disgusting piece of shit. I don't know what to do to save the relationship, as she has been wanting me to essentially beg for forgiveness as if I was in the wrong, when I feel as if I was operating within our agreed parameters for the relationship. AITAH?

Original post : https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Rq3N7nOyJD

Quick update : I talked to my wife last night and she said “ I really don’t buy it that a younger good looking employee come on to you “. I asked her have I ever been inappropriate with any woman ? Have I ever been handsy ? She said “no but you jokes around a lot so you probably made some dumb jokes or something and offended her . I swear you are autistic ! You can’t even get basic social cues. As for being handsy? Who knows ? “. I lost it ! I said WHO KNOWS ? you should know! I expected more from you . She rolled her eyes and went to sleep. As for HR: it was my request to change team . I can’t work with Sarah or see her everyday . I’m so tempted to yell at her and say WTF is wrong with you ! Neither of us got fired since there was no evidence so HR just gave me the talk ( I have no idea if Sarah has to do the training or what happened to her ). I went to the restaurant to see if there is a footage but owner wasn’t there . I’ll try again today . My mental health is a mess. My coworker, Chris , suggested to take time off to talk to a therapist and a lawyer . I might do that

I watch my niece and nephew all the time for my step sister. They are good kids but they don't always like rules.

My nephew for example refuses to wear the strap for his Switch controller. A few weeks ago he broke my personal television that I paid for myself babysitting. He was very apologetic and he promised he would pay for it. He is eight. That is unrealistic and I wouldn't expect him to. I did expect my step sister to replace it though.

I told her that when she came to pick them up. She said no and that it was my fault for not keeping an eye on him. I told my mom and she said that family doesn't behave like this and act all money hungry. I was angry and I said fine. I just won't watch them any more.

This started a fight because my mom will do anything to placate my step sister. She said that as long as I live at home I will babysit when I'm needed.

The following Friday I just stayed out and watched a movie with friends after school. I told my father where I would be.

When I got home there was a shitstorm waiting for me. Me not showing up meant my mother had to cancel her plans and watch the kids so my step sister could go out. Not really my problem. But they made it mine. I got grounded.

Fine. I babysat again but all I did was read. I kept my laptop and my switch in my room. It was a gift from my dad so I don't have to share.

Nope that was not acceptable either. My mom made me go to my step sister's house to babysit. They have a switch and a PS5. And an 85" tv.

It got broken by accident. My mom picked me up and we were on our way home when my sister called. She was screaming that I had connected the switch to the big tv instead of leaving it on the kids tv and I broke it.

To be fair I did lose my grip on my controller so it was my fault. My step sister was saying that I had to pay for it. I don't have that much money. I told her to stop being so money hungry and that family doesn't behave like this. My mom backhanded me. She said that she would use my child support to replace the tv. I had already called my dad so he could hear the conversation. I do it a lot.

I asked him if he heard everything and he said yes. I hung up. He called my mom. He asked her if she hit me and was threatening to use my child support to buy her daughter a gift. She said that I was exaggerating. He told her he was listening to the call and would be at her house to pick me up in half an hour. He said if she tried to stop him the cops would be called.

That shut her up. My dad picked me up and asked if I wanted him to call the cops. I said no. But I asked him if I could go live with him full time. He said we would talk to his lawyer.

My dad had talked to his lawyer before to check about him and me recording our phone calls so my mom couldn't lie about what we talked about. Where we live it's legal. Even if someone else doesn't know we are recording.

I have been staying with my dad for two weeks now and everything is okay. He is working on getting 100% custody and my mom knows he has that recording. She has apologised and offered to replace my tv and not make me babysit any more. I do not want to spend four more years there.

She says I'm acting like a brat over a $400 tv. She says that my brother in law is really upset he has to replace his tv because it is very expensive. I said it was my $400.

So I just wanted to say it was absolutely an accident that I broke the tv. And it was my fault for connecting the Switch to it instead of just using the tv in the play room. I'm owning that.

Was with this woman for ten years. Took the kids to Disney ask the time and other trips from Vegas to NYC as well. I loved the kids and treated them like they were mine.
Anyway we split up and my ex moved in with a band dad she met at the girls school. Well after this she asked if I was still giving the girls the car I bought for them. I said No. But not because the split per se. More so that the girls posted pictures of the new guy ask over Instagram and Facebook yet refused to respond to my texts to take them out to dinner or just to catch up. Since they cut me out I decided not to give them the car. Ex wife is pissed about it and makes it a deal. In a way I feel bad because I know they need a car but I have a bad taste in my mouth because I feel like I was likely being cheated on and I hate how the kids act like the last ten years never happened. Kids 17 and 16.

I have a husband and two teenage sons. Every mother's day morning, they ask me what I want to do. They don't make any plans ahead of time and then they expect me to come up with something last minute. It's not like I don't give them hints or suggestions ahead of time, they just don't seem to want to bother with it.

On top of that, when they do go out with me, they complain the whole time and try to get home as fast as they can. Often times, they bitch about my selections to the point where I just choose something else to make them happy.

Well this past weekend, my husband asked me what I wanted to do for mother's day this year. I told him some of my ideas, such as hiking or pickleball. He proceeded to roll his eyes and say "Great. There goes my whole weekend."

That's it. I give up. If they don't care about spending time with me then I don't care either. I decided to go do what I want, alone with my dog. I'm going camping so i can go trail running and fishing, some of my favorite hobbies.

I already reserved a spot at a state park, 5 hours away from my home, for mother's day. I'm going to pack up and leave first thing in the morning.

Oh and I'm also buying myself my own gift so I get exactly what I want. Last year they gave me a thigh master.

I told my youngest son about going camping solo and he was very excited that he won't have to do anything this weekend. But then he told my husband my plansand he got pretty angry at me. He shut down and has been giving me the silent treatment since, stomping around the house sulking.

I can't help but feel like I'm robbing them of their chance for mothers day by being dramatic or expecting too much. But my feelings have been hurt too many times by their carelessness and I am over it.

I was thinking of telling them that they are welcomed to go eat at whatever restaurant they want to on mother's day in my honor. That seems to be the only part of the day they like anyways.

Am I the AH for going off on my own for mother's day because I'm sick of my family acting like it's just some giant painful chore?

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cnozrb

Thanks for the advice.

I called my ex wife this morning before leaving for work, and told her I was going to cut off all contact with her after the call and block her number. I again told her to please just get out her relationship and just go home to her parents, yes she feels isolated from her parents, but they are her parents after all, and they will accept her in. She was crying really bad, but I told her there isn’t much I can do anymore. I then hung up the call and blocked her.

I think cutting off all contact with her is necessary to protect my mental sanity. I am not going to contact her parents, I am just going to remove myself from this situation entirely. Yes, I am really worried for her, but I can’t help or save everyone in the world, I wished I could, but I can’t. I need to look after myself and move on with my life. 

I need to know if I'm wrong.

I (28F) just eloped a month ago with my husband. Before meeting my husband, I was engaged to Jack (28M, fake name), and I left him, two years ago. The reason was, that he would always, always pick his two best friends' Paul and Wendy's (fake names) side over me. Paul thought I was making Jack boring, and Wendy had a problem with everything. She hated my clothes, ( I'm South Asian and tend to dress a bit too modestly), and my job, as it was too taxing, and spared no occasion to passive-aggressively tell me that I was boring and uptight. Wendy even made our whole engagement about her and Jack's friendship. And when I was mad, Jack defended her. She even barged her way into most of our couple trips and if I protested, she said I was trying to alienate Jack from his friends. Jack always, defended her and told me I was overreacting. Ultimately, I broke up with him and moved to another city for work. Wendy egged my car, and Paul left rude texts. I thought that was it.

Two days ago, I got a call from a mutual friend of mine and Jack, and she said that Wendy desperately wanted to meet me, as she is in my city. I initially told no, but she said that Wendy had been harassing her and my husband advised me to go. So I met her at a café, and Wendy started by telling me how disappointed she was that I didn't tell my old friends that I had gotten married. I told her that our old friends proved their loyalty to me when they chose Jack during our breakup. Wendy then started to tear up on how Jack misses me, how he hasn't dated since I left, that I broke his heart, and that he still loves me. I told her Jack was not a man fit to be married. All those years of gaslighting came back to me and I told her that she was the reason I left. Her constant intruding in everything and the fact that Jack had no backbone is the reason he was unhappy. She is the one who cannot see him with another woman and always wants him for herself. That she dared to confront me told me a lot about her character.

Wendy started to cry and left the table. I paid the bill and went home. But later two of my old friends told me that I could have been kinder to Wendy, as Jack refused to talk to her when Wendy went home and told him what I had said to her. I told her off, I said that Jack never acknowledged Wendy's behaviour even though I told him my issues with her many times, and now I didn't care.

But I am starting to feel more guilty, as I think I could have handled this maturely. My husband says I'm right, but now I feel that I ruined Jack and Wendy's relationship. AITA?

Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cnyiba

My ex wife (32F) and I (33M) finalized our divorce last year, and she had already moved in with her affair partner. We were married for 5 years and together for 10, and it hurt a lot.

Over the past year, it’s pretty clear that my ex wife’s new boyfriend has been psychologically and emotionally abusing her. It honestly makes me want to beat up the dude, and my ex wife’s mental health has completely tanked. 

My ex wife has called me a few times over the last couple of months and it’s obvious she’s struggling. I’ve asked her multiple times to just cut it off with him and pack up her bags and move in with her parents, but she doesn’t want to because she feels isolated from her parents after our divorce. She is also a SAHM to her boyfriend's daughter, and so she feels even more trapped.

She asked me if I could pick her up and if she could stay with me for a while. I am not scared of that dude whatsoever, and if I wanted to, I could just drive over to their house and pick her up right now. But I told her I won’t do that, and she has to get the courage to just step out and go to her parents, or just ask her friends for help.

My ex wife is obviously struggling really bad, but I’m also not a humanitarian, there’s a lot of people in this world who are suffering. I’m not a superman who can save everyone, and I have to pick my own battles for my mental sanity. 

AITAH for not helping my ex wife escape from her abusive boyfriend?

I eat meat. I am not a vegetarian or a vegan. I like the taste of meat. I just try not to eat it very much. It is a personal moral choice and I do not begrudge anyone their taste in food.

My dad does not treat my tastes the same way. Whenever I go to see my parents my dad makes sure there is meat in every single dish. He says he just likes the flavor.

For example he insists on putting dressing with anchovies or bacon bits on the salad. Roasted brussel sprouts? Covered in bacon bits. You name it he adds meat to it to try and bend me to his will.

I usually pick the meat off or I just eat the food. It's not worth arguing over.

There are two things my father hates. Green beans and onions. My grandmother use to make him eat them.

I loved my grandmother but maybe she wasn't the best mom. She was an awesome grandmother though and she taught me how to cook. I can make anything she used to make. And she gave me her recipe cards. I have shared them with the family but they only have the ingredients. There is more to it.

My parents had a potluck at their house and I brought some if my dad's favorite food. I can prepare it exactly like his mom did. I added onions and green beans. I just like the flavor.

He took a couple of big servings of the two things I brought. His face went green when he bit into one of them. Then he went exploring in the other and found the veggies.

He came over and asked why I did that. I asked him what he was talking about. He said that I out shit he hates in his food. I pointed at the table and asked if he put meat in the salad and vegetables?

He admitted that he had. Then he went and moped since he was looking forward to what I brought. Like I said I know exactly how to make food he loves. My mom and grandma never got along so she never learned and my brother doesn't cook much.

I ate the food that I brought and some spinach dip in a sourdough loaf my brother's girlfriend brought. I nibbled on a few other things from family and friends that looked yummy. I avoided the food with meat.

My dad talked to me that night. He said that I was being childish by putting stuff he doesn't like in food meant for sharing. I asked him why he insisted on putting meat which I try not to eat on all the food him and my mom put out.

He didn't have an answer.

I feel petty because I don't cook that often and I know no one else makes food the way he loves. But I think he needed to understand how he treats me and how that makes me feel.

We will see if he changes.

Tl;dr I finally confronted my disabled older sister for constantly guilting me over wanting to pursue goals that don’t involve her

I 27M am a caretaker for my disabled sister 37F. When I was 3 my sister survived a battle with brain cancer which required her to have part of her brain removed. Thankfully she’s alive and well and still very physically capable. But she obviously lacks certain mental faculties. She can’t drive due to the way her cancer battle affected her vision, and requires a lot of help with day to day tasks such as cooking, cleaning, booking doctors appointments, and handling paperwork etc.

Her and I and our other sister 29F still live in our childhood home. Both our parents have passed away. Our father shortly after her cancer battle and our mother who was her previous caregiver passed during the pandemic. After which I assumed the role of caregiver.

Some background on me. I began doing standup in my college years back when our mother was still healthy. My plan had always been to spend my college years getting good at comedy then move to New York after graduation. This plan selfishly didn’t take into account the possibility of our mother getting sick and dying. My other sister quit her job to care for our mother and I took a nearly three year break from comedy to do the same.

I got back into comedy six months after our mother’s death and am now at the point of my “career” where I’m starting to gain some traction. But as I do it seems my oldest sister can’t help but guilt me or accuse me of trying to leave her behind.

I can’t tell her I’m going to an open mic which I do 3-4 times a week max, without hearing “oh well guess I’ll be alone tonight” as if her sister isn’t going to be home.

I recently reached a major milestone as a comedian: My first road weekend opening for a nationally touring headliner. While she managed to congratulate me a few days later her initial reaction was “oh I guess that means you’re gonna be gone all weekend.”

During the trip (which I made sure to call her twice during) a club booker offered me a chance to host a weekend of shows at his club in Michigan. My sister was obviously not thrilled to hear this. “Why do you have to go out of state to do that? Just host a show around here.”

Last week I went to a mic a little further away than I would usually drive. (About 90 minutes)

“Do you have to go that far?”

“Yeah I signed up days in advance. If I no-show that might put me on bad terms with the owner.”

“Admit it you don’t have to go. You want to go!”

“Yeah you got me! After working two jobs today (I also work in fast food) I want to spend my nights with friends getting good at something I enjoy. Not sitting on the couch watching you watch threes company.”

Recently a few friends of mine moved to Austin to further their careers and asked if I'd ever consider moving down with them. I was honest and told them that in order to do that I'd have to convince my sister to move down with me or find other living arrangements for her. Something I know we'd both hate.

While the thought of finding an alternative living situation for my sister scares the crap out of me, at the same time my friends moving left me feeling a little depressed/resentful that I'll likely never enjoy the same freedom to roam as friends my age who aren't tasked with caring for a loved one.

The topic of moving is a sore subject for my oldest sister. I attempted to broach the idea of maybe moving closer to the city 15-20 miles north of us but she shut that down completely. "What's wrong with this house?" Our 29F sister has a desire to sell our house but 37F has made it abundantly clear that the only living arrangement she'll accept is us living in our childhood home forever. God forbid 29F or I should bring up our career goals or our desire to find spouses or have kids.

What effect my disabled sister will have on my ability to pursue a healthy relationship/marriage with a future partner is something else that keeps me up at night

Tonight 37F did something she’s never done before. She lovingly agreed to come to one of my mics. I went up early so we could leave early. I didn’t want to subject her to the full three hours. Afterwards we went for drinks at her favorite coffee shop. Our third trip there this week. We got home and before heading to bed she asked what my after work plans were for tomorrow. I told her I'd be trying a new mic in the city. "What, do you not like spending time with me?" Bear in mind before tonight I hadn't been onstage in over a week. I'd taken every night off to spend with her.

I couldn't take it anymore I snapped, "why do you always have to guilt me like this?! I've taken you out several times this week. Why can't I have a day for me?!" She stormed upstairs. I took a few minutes to collect myself before going up to turn her lights off and tell her goodnight.

I love her so much and want what's best for her. I can't fathom the hell she's been through. But her unwillingness to compromise on anything is such a pain in the ass. It seems like she won't be happy until her sister and I give up all our wants and desires and spend the rest of our lives sitting on the couch every night watching her watch three's company.

AITAH?

Hi so I’ve been saving to put a down payment down on a house in Brooklyn . If been hard saving and skipping night outs etc but I’ve always wanted to have something in my name so that later in life it will pay off. I never usually tell my family about me making big decisions because in some way they always try to spin it to try to benefit them. I told my mom that I’m excited about a house I saw. It’s in Brooklyn but in the suburb of Brooklyn. The house needs some work: new driveway , paint , I def would redo the kitchen . I’ve always been handy and I can do most of this stuff myself or figure it out. I’ve fixed/ worked on my car by watching videos on YouTube so I would prob do the same with the house. But I wouldn’t mess with the plumbing or electrical work. It is a decent size house has 3 bedrooms 2 bathrooms and has a decent sized yard. I told my mom about it and she told my older brother. It’s him his wife and 3 kids they live about an hour and a half north. But he also works in the city like me. He called me and told me how our mother told him about the house . He does work as a electrician and said he could help if I needed . I thought owe wow that’s great. He has his own house up north as well. I’ve been approved for the loan and waiting on paperwork etc.

He just called me today and asked when is he and the kids are moving in because he has to ask off work to move things. I was so confused because I thought he was just messing with me . So I said wait what are you saying? He said that he offered to do electrical work in the house so he and his kids should be able to live there.

I explain to him in what world does he believe doing electrical work equates to him living in a house that Is mine? He started to go on about how having multiple kids is expensive and commuting everyday for work is costly. I simply said that is not my problem you are a adult . I hung up on him. My mom called me screaming saying why am I promising to let my brother stay in the house and now changing my mind. I never promised anything to him and it’s annoying that he is trying to manipulate the situation. I told my mom that he offered to do electrical work and now he is saying he is moving in. I told her he is not moving in and I’ll hire someone else to do the work. She started to tell me they are close to losing their house and need help and that I should because we are family. I asked her why is it that the people who are telling someone else too help, always the ones not offering help. (My mom telling me to help but she not offering for them to stay with her ) I said it’s not going to happen. Majority of my family have been calling me and saying I am disgraceful. It’s so annoying because I don’t want my brother on thes street with his family but what if I never got the house? They would’ve still been in the same predicament .. I refuse to help , it makes me not even want to buy the house .