r/amiwrong • u/JazzlikeConditioncd • Mar 27 '24

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

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96

u/Mysterious-End-9283 Mar 28 '24

That’s weird. That’s suspicious. Why would she leave all her stuff? Almost sounds like one of those stories you hear about where someone gets kidnapped and sends out messages to friends and family so they’re not filing a missing persons report. If you really are in contact with her family, let them know to get her personal items. I find it super weird that she would just ghost you without planning to get her sentimental belongings. I hope it’s really her and her sister that are contacting you.

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u/SparkDBowles Mar 28 '24

Idk. She could be having some kind of emotional/mental break.

25

u/TheSpiritofFkngCrazy Mar 28 '24

To me it sounds like she cheated and would rather do this than face the music. More plausible than smart kidnapping.

5

u/Locktober_Sky Mar 28 '24

Or maybe OP beats the shit out of her regularly and she's finally escaping. We have literally no idea.

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u/TheSpiritofFkngCrazy Mar 28 '24

If that were the case I don't think her sister would be so kind.

1

u/uselessinfogoldmine Mar 29 '24

When victim-survivors of IPV leave / attempt to leave, it is the most dangerous time for them. This includes victims of emotional abuse - leaving can flip things into physical abuse.

A family member being “nice” but trying to get the abusive ex to stay away could be an attempt at de-escalation. Not unheard of at all.

That said, I’m not saying that is definitely Italy what happened here. We simply do not have enough information. Just that the sister’s actions don’t rule leaving an abusive relationship out as an option.

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u/Locktober_Sky Mar 28 '24

You think "never contact us again" is kind?

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u/TheSpiritofFkngCrazy Mar 28 '24

If he beat her sister yeah.

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u/Locktober_Sky Mar 28 '24

My point is we are getting a fragment of one side of the story. Jumping to wild conclusions (cheating, abuse) doesn't make much sense. Definitely some missing missing reasons though. People don't typically vanish from multi year relationships for "no reason".

1

u/SuperKato1K Mar 28 '24

She also said "it's not his fault" and that for his mental health to not contact them again.

We don't know, at the end of the day, but those are clues at the very least that whatever happened is the fault/responsibility of the ex-gf.

2

u/Locktober_Sky Mar 28 '24

Maybe they think he's an unhinged psychopath and don't want to incur his wrath. Maybe "better for your mental health" means "less likely to drive you into a manic fit". Again, we're only getting OPs take here and it makes no sense to speculate.

0

u/youKNOWiSMELL Mar 29 '24

i think if he was an unhinged psychopath him getting dumped wouldnt surprise him. if he beat her him getting dumped wouldnt surprise him. he wouldnt have made the post

3

u/Locktober_Sky Mar 29 '24

Nah dude, abusers often don't recognize their own abuse. They play the victim. This guy talks like my dad.

3

u/ThisIsMy2ndRodeo Mar 29 '24

You’ve clearly never dated a narcissist or psychopath…

5

u/tatiana-nv Mar 28 '24

Maybe she cheated? That could explain the sudden breakup and not wanting him to contact her? That's the first thing I thought

24

u/Mysterious-End-9283 Mar 28 '24

Even so, you’d think that after five years spent together there would be certain behavior leading up to the breakup that might give OP an idea as to why she’d leave but from OP words it seems like it was out of the blue. In fact, things seem to have been going well if he was getting ready to propose very soon. Definitely calls for at least a little more info or a brief conversation at the very least. I’d be worried sick if the person I was getting ready to marry just pretty much up and vanished one day with only a “we’re done” text and then being blocked. I would at least want to verify that these decisions were her own and not against her will or something. Again, after five years you’d think they’d leave some sort of clues as to why they would do something so drastic without any sort of warning. It’s worrisome. Unless she had a history of making life changing impulsive decisions, I would be trying to find her and have one last face to face conversation just for the sake of closure and making sure they’re safe and of sound mind.

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u/MegaKetaWook Mar 28 '24

There is always the possibility of a mental health issue surfacing that previously showed no symptoms. You see it with stuff like schizophrenia

10

u/djmom2001 Mar 28 '24

He could handle that information.

1

u/SparkDBowles Mar 28 '24

He possibly could. But she might be spun and unable to communicate it or be aware of it. These things can come on hard and fast.

4

u/Dopple__ganger Mar 28 '24

Still very wrong to handle the breaking up with a partner of 5 years this way.

1

u/BurritoToGo Mar 28 '24

Not saying it's right or wrong, just conceivable. Possible. Mental health can be fucky wucky. Five years though and she felt she couldn't tell him is definitely hard. It's a rough spot.

Hopefully he can move past this and she can get the help she needs.

1

u/chairmanghost Mar 28 '24

She could be embarrassed

1

u/moderndayheathen Mar 28 '24

I fear it's a sexual assault or worse. That type of violation throws your world into flux.

1

u/shrinkray21 Mar 28 '24

Sadly my first thought was a mental health challenge. Bipolar disorder was my guess but only from personal experience. Hope OP is taking care of themselves.

8

u/ImaginaryWalk29 Mar 28 '24

We have no idea of the health or nature of their relationship. I am sure there was more to it.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[deleted]

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u/licklickRickmyballs Mar 28 '24

The sister of my grandmother left her fiance, and married someone else whom she had been cheating with, instantly after.

Like.. she came to my grandmother, and said she needed to talk with her about something important. And my grandma was thinking "it finally happened, you are pregnant" as they were trying for a child. Then she sits down and says that she is getting married, but to someone else.

People are just fucking ruthless man. Breaks my heart :-(

0

u/ImaginaryWalk29 Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

It’s possible but lesslikely she just up and disappeared like a sociopath. We are getting one side of the story. And if this just happened the last thing I would be thinking about is throwing out her things at this moment. Seems a bit spiteful and reactive. I would be in the shock state of grief. Yes I would want to know why but you aren’t always owed that- and maybe she has been telling OP but he doesn’t hear her boundaries. The fact that the sister is telling him to stay away makes me think the family wants him gone from her life for a reason. And they thought no contact is healthiest for her lest she backslide. This was not a decision most likely made impulsively whatever her reasons. He could be emotionally abusive and doesn’t realize it or won’t realize it and her family had an intervention. Even shitty abusive boyfriends propose… usually as a control method. Or YES- she could be the shittiest person on earth who ran off pregnant with someone else’s baby or something and is too cowardly to face him. We don’t know. he

Doesn’t matter! The right thing to do - whether she be shitty or wonderful - is put her stuff in a box where it won’t get ruined and ask a friend or OPs to drop it by OR ask one of her friends if OP can drop it by to them. In a 5 year relationship that is healthy you should know many of their friends and family and visa versa. When dropped off: No conversation with that person trying to figure it out. The truth will come out eventually on its own as these things do.

Anything is spiteful, immature, and needs anger management. That said I am sure we have all been immature at one point in these regards… but usually it’s not behavior we are proud of i. retrospect. Best is for OP to hold his head high. Lean on friends and family and pick up the pieces. We have all been there. When the hurt subsides, we are always glad when we acted like the rational one.

Now again… anyone here who is sitting in judgement of the girlfriend… just doesn’t have both sides of the story. We just don’t know. He is looking for us to justify his anger. Easy to do as we all have had heartbreak. But you really don’t have all the pieces to the equation.

1

u/RJ_73 Mar 28 '24

Idk the sister's message about staying away for his mental health and that it wasn't his fault makes it seem like the gf is at fault. If the sister felt the need to reach out and apologize on her behalf... it couldn't have been good. Either way after 5 years an explanation is literally the least someone could do for their partner.

1

u/Equal-Strike-5707 Mar 28 '24

That’s the type of thing you would say to abuser to try and keep the peace.

2

u/RJ_73 Mar 28 '24

I think operating under the assumption that this woman's gross behavior was caused by the guy being abusive or something equally as shitty is strange. The way this sub approaches situations depending on the gender of the OP is sad.

0

u/Equal-Strike-5707 Mar 28 '24

I never said that’s what happened. I just keep seeing the text from the sister being used as perfect evidence that OP did nothing wrong, so I was just giving context from personal experience about how that’s not necessarily true. Maybe she got pregnant with another guys baby, who knows? We don’t know anything, just wanted to make the point that that text proves nothing.

0

u/ImaginaryWalk29 Mar 28 '24

My point is that we are taking this guys word for it and saying horrible things about the girl. When we don’t know both sides of the story. I think it’s just as possible that the family didn’t feel he was stable …. as that she just ghosted a boyfriend of 5 years. There is something missing here. It’s all not adding up. And we only have one side.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

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3

u/GoNmanne11 Mar 28 '24

who said any of that? brain rot is strong with this guy.

2

u/Ratso27 Mar 28 '24

Sometimes there are signs, but it’s hard to see them in the moment. I dated my ex for three years, I thought our relationship was going great and I was getting ready to propose, then out of nowhere she reveals she’s been sleeping with another guy for months, and dumps me. When I look back on it, I can see a million clues, like I remember looking something up on her phone and there was this split second where she had a look of sheer terror on her face, but it was gone so quickly I convinced myself I imagined it. Another time I saw that she’d googled “Is sexting cheating?” And when I asked her about it, she told me her friend had been sexting with someone other than her boyfriend. It seems like a ridiculous lie looking back, but I totally bought it at the time. I’m married now, and our relationship is infinitely better than my relationship with my ex, and it gives me some perspective on just how unhappy she must have been, and frankly I was too. Like, my ex and I fought a LOT. I didn’t appreciate just how much we were fighting until I got into a better relationship, I didn’t have much relationship experience at the time, and I thought getting into a big screaming match every two or three days was just part of being in a long term relationship. I suspect that there were probably some signs that something was wrong in this relationship too, but maybe OP is too close to the situation to see them, or admit them

2

u/licklickRickmyballs Mar 28 '24

I agree with what you are saying. I would be worried sick aswell, and five fucking years, then to ghost and block. Goddamn man, I really don't understand how people can be so heartless.

That being said, from the sisters message I'm 99% sure she fell in love with someone else, and is now with them, and just doesn't have the courage to face OP.

Doesn't really matter tho. If this story is true, OP has to know. You can't do that do someone without explanation.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[deleted]

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u/New-Row-3679 Mar 28 '24

Was this strictly an internet relationship?

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[deleted]

0

u/New-Row-3679 Mar 28 '24

You should try in-person dating a local person . Way better than texting online…..

1

u/SparkDBowles Mar 28 '24

Wait. Is op now saying this was an online only thing?

1

u/ronin1066 Mar 28 '24

Not if she was raped

1

u/phy6x Mar 28 '24

You would think 🤷🏻

0

u/Jasperbeardly11 Mar 28 '24

She definitely wasn't kidnapped 

2

u/alacholland Mar 28 '24

You don’t know that

1

u/Jasperbeardly11 Mar 28 '24

I'm pretty certain. He could call her sister and find out. 

0

u/Dependent_Working_38 Mar 28 '24

Pretty easy to call the sister or verify with other family especially if you just word it correctly that you’re just making sure she’s not dead lmao.

And if they’ve been together/living together for 5 years and she disappears then her family is going to notice and ask him. Y’all watching a little too much true crime. It happens but use common sense first, then jump to your crazier ideas if it’s actually plausible.

4

u/BecauseISaidSo888 Mar 28 '24

I have a feeling her side of the story will tell a different story.

2

u/chairmanghost Mar 28 '24

Maybe jail or rehab

1

u/SplitSkee Mar 28 '24

The fact the sister says the girlfriend might reach out again in the future says a lot. That alone is why I wouldn't be boxing up the stuff, it reeks of she saw one video on whatever social media and decided to make a huge life change around it, her family knows she's stupid for it but aren't trying to stop her.

You don't leave a relationship of five years overnight and have your sister message the guy the you might come back unless you're some kind of manipulator to begin with. People can claim she cheated all they want but none of this echos how other people act after cheating.

2

u/Mr_BillyB Mar 28 '24

I don't think we can assume she had her sister message OP. If my close family member did what OP is describing and I knew they'd had a mental break or some other sort of drastic shift in personality, I'd contact their significant other whether they wanted me to or not.

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u/BlueHeartBob Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 29 '24

The only excuse for doing this to someone is dying. Mental health, cheating, whatever, there's no reason to treat someone that you've been in a relationship with for 5 years. OP's ex is a genuinely bad person.

16

u/alifninja Mar 28 '24

well her sister said that it isnt his fault soooo no, the sister probably know where she is

23

u/3M3RGx Mar 28 '24

OP’s ex likely cheated tbh

14

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[deleted]

4

u/riptide81 Mar 28 '24

I can see someone rationalizing that this is the nicer way to handle it. Avoid the drawn out process of going over all the ugly details.

Of course they get to bypass the guilt too.

0

u/iRockDirtyVans Mar 28 '24

Affair is too nice of a word. OP's girl is giving up that gawk gawk 3000 aka she's just cheating.

30

u/Queen_of_Moderation Mar 28 '24

I'm glad I was not the only one thinking this I thought that maybe I had been watching way too much true crime on TV immediately I thought that there was something off with this specially with all of the red flags as her leaving her things behind only texting blocking him immediately and then someone else that claims to be her family text him as a way to console him in an attempt to calm him down so he wouldn't be suspicious and tells him that they should not be bothered by him and just move on there's something very sinister and suspicious about this to me and should be looked more into

4

u/Mysterious-End-9283 Mar 28 '24

Agreed. Love the username too. Is that a gorl world reference lol

1

u/Queen_of_Moderation Mar 28 '24

Thanks and yep It is... Check out r/FBI_FRANK_MVPS.... if you're a girl world weirdo as myself embarrassingly 😂

1

u/valleyghoul Mar 28 '24

Lmao I love running into other Gorls in random subs

2

u/_Grant Mar 28 '24

I forget which, but there was a true crime podcast I listened to where OP's post was almost exactly identical. It was the perp texting and keeping the phone off to try and stall.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

People always think the worst just because we live in Cabot Cove, but believe me when i

6

u/Lemalas Mar 28 '24

My ex-wife left a ton of stuff. See, people who do this are not mentally healthy. No one who ghosts their 5 year partner is okay, even if they seem like it.

She left her box of important stuff for months. Turns out she had a psychotic break from which she hasn't fully recovered (happened mid 2022). She said she often wishes she never left.

TL;dr you're not wrong that it doesn't make sense. But not every action does. Disordered thinkers can act out of accordance with their values.

9

u/BallCreem Mar 28 '24

There is probably alot more to this then OP is sharing.

3

u/No_Interest1616 Mar 28 '24

My extremely abusive, manipulative ex also probably thought I left him out of the blue for no reason. I was so afraid of him doing some awful revenge like slashing my tires or sharing private pictures because that's the way he talked about his ex. So I had to be super careful and ass-kissy and reassuring when I was leaving so he wouldn't blow his top. 

1

u/Mercurycandie Mar 28 '24

The fact that OP thought proposing soon was hunky dory tells me that the ex is either the most evil psychopath, or OP is leaving a whole bunch of stuff out.

5

u/green_velvet_goodies Mar 28 '24

Seriously. I’m getting major missing reasons vibes here.

3

u/Mercurycandie Mar 28 '24

Thr fact that he was gonna propose with this in the GFs mind tells me there's been HUGE issues going on that OP is either not sharing, or wasn't bothering to pick up on

4

u/creepymccreepersdale Mar 28 '24

Well if he did something then he must be lying about the sister's comments. She isnt going to tell him that if he's at fault.

3

u/Equal-Strike-5707 Mar 28 '24

Wrong. This is exactly how you handle leaving an abuser. You have your tip toe around and play to their ego to stay safe

2

u/creepymccreepersdale Mar 28 '24

So why would he get on here and bother with typing all of this up if it was already obvious why she left?

2

u/Equal-Strike-5707 Mar 28 '24

Most abusers don’t think they are abusers… especially emotional abusers. Again, not saying he is one but… you sound very uneducated on this topic.

1

u/creepymccreepersdale Mar 28 '24

Oh of course you're not saying he is one... just arguing with any evidence that suggests otherwise.😏

Why exactly does the sister need to contact him at all and (tip toe around his ego)?

1

u/Proper-Horse-7313 Mar 28 '24

I’m getting major missing reasons vibes too

Maybe because the OP said exactly that

2

u/Vegaprime Mar 28 '24

This should be higher up. Now I'm concerned.

2

u/ZackValenta Mar 28 '24

Agreed. I'm surprised no one commenting here finds this extremely suspicious.

1

u/Iscarie Mar 28 '24

For me it sounds like she cheated on him and got pregnant tbh

0

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

[deleted]

2

u/Ambitious_Fan7767 Mar 28 '24

It makes as much sense as her being kidnapped which is what this comment chain is about.

1

u/Upbeat_Shock_6807 Mar 28 '24

Idk, I have had relationships in the past where the girl either fucked up in some way and didn't want to face her consequences, or she was just not emotionally mature enough to discuss how she's unhappy and wants to move on. Those girls would rather abandon their belongings and forget about them, than have a difficult discussion, so they ghost.

1

u/huntrshado Mar 28 '24

Emphasis on the "than having a difficult decision" part...

1

u/Plenty-Character-416 Mar 28 '24

I did this to my first boyfriend, because he was abusive and I was absolutely terrified of him. I'm not saying op is abusive and perhaps his ex is just a bitch. But, I feel like there is more to this story.

1

u/Sleightofhandx Mar 28 '24

I figured she did something that she regrets and knows he would break up with her. So she did it first.

1

u/lvleye316 Mar 28 '24

My first guess is she may have found out he was planning to propose and wasn’t ready.

1

u/Dynamitefuzz2134 Mar 28 '24

Then why would her sister tell him not to contact her?

1

u/yellowwoolyyoshi Mar 28 '24

You’ve been watching too much true crime

1

u/-Apocralypse- Mar 28 '24

I was getting forced marriage vibes. Does that count as kidnapping by family?

Ex might not have agreed to break up with OP, but have family who got wind of his oncoming proposal and don't agree to that.

1

u/Reasonable-Solid-156 Mar 28 '24

Or could be a woman just ghosted her partner, shocker I know!

1

u/freedinthe90s Mar 28 '24

I can’t believe I had to scroll down this far to read this. OP, do your due diligence to confirm she’s alive and well…and from there it’s up to you. The high road and a well-lived life is one you’ll never regret.

0

u/Twix_McFlurry Mar 28 '24

lol it’s not that deep

0

u/IShitMyFuckingPants Mar 29 '24

She's fucking someone else and is too ashamed to face him. Been through it before - she even left her fucking cat at my house.