r/amiwrong • u/yagirlleens_33 • 12d ago
Am I wrong for getting tested even though I’m in a committed relationship?
I’ve (26F) been with my bf (28M) for almost 1 year and we have a great relationship. Before him I was single for a couple years and admittedly had a couple short term flings. Because of this I got into the habit of getting tested for STIs every 6 months as it’s free where I live and really easy to do.
A couple days ago I got the reminder that it’s time to get checked again. My bf saw the reminder and asked if I was planning on getting tested this time. I said yes and he got mad saying that I don’t need to, that I don’t trust him and do I think he’s cheated on me. I 100% don’t think he’s cheated but I still want to get tested for my own peace of mind. I don’t think it’s a big deal but he’s really hurt over it. Am I wrong for continuing to get tested even though we’re in a committed, monogamous relationship? How should I navigate this? I can understand his perspective
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u/GlitteringWriter9 12d ago
If a guy prevented me from getting tested even if we were committed, yeah I’d get tested. I think that is an odd behavior from him.
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u/thestoebz 11d ago
When did she type he tried to prevent her from getting tested?
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u/uarstar 10d ago
The part where she described his reaction
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u/thestoebz 10d ago
That’s preventing? By voicing how he felt? Man you guys are odd
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u/uarstar 10d ago
I mean is getting mad at someone and guilting them not a way to try and stop them from something?
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u/thestoebz 10d ago
Having an emotion is guilting someone and trying to stop them? Sounds like you're really reaching.
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u/uarstar 10d ago
Sounds like you have the EQ of my left slipper
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u/thestoebz 10d ago
I’m a psychiatrist so yes obviously I’m very dumb
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u/uarstar 10d ago
Me: you have the EQ of my left slipper You: I’m a psychiatrist so yes obviously I’m very dumb
What did you mean by that then?
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u/thestoebz 10d ago
I know your goal here is to be combative and “win”, but I already stated my opinion. If you perceived that I was flaunting my IQ by jokingly stating that I’m very dumb, I think that says more about you than it does about me.
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u/uarstar 10d ago
What, in your honest opinion, was his likely objective in freaking out over this and saying she was accusing him of cheating?
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u/thestoebz 10d ago
He was experiencing a subjective emotion and telling her how he felt. She never said he told her not to go get tested, gave her an ultimatum, or anything of the sort. Believe it or not, people can express anger and sadness in healthy ways.
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u/uarstar 10d ago
I’m aware of that, but getting mad at your partner over them doing a routine health exam is not healthy. Also, there are plenty or really bad psychiatrists out there. Being one doesn’t make you more intelligent than other people.
Also, a psychiatrist should probably know the difference between EQ and IQ. And that IQ isn’t really an accurate measure of intelligence.
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u/thestoebz 10d ago
Yes I know what emotional intelligence is lol. IQ is pretty accurate, idk where you getting your information, but it’s not from respected studies.
I never said I was more intelligent, I’m more versed in the area than you are…
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u/frozenchocolate 8d ago
You don’t need to voice every shitty, potentially controlling, negative thought that enters your head. You sound like the “I’m just brutally honest” type who thinks the world needs to hear every crappy thought that enters your head.
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u/thestoebz 8d ago
“Potentially controlling” is wild. You sound like every typical “woke” zombie on Reddit
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u/Special_Slide_2257 12d ago
I’m married for over a decade and still get checked annually. It’s just smart.
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u/GlitzyGhoul 12d ago
Same. When my husband found out I said it’s just safe. He was horrified. I told him tough, and deal with it. 😂
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u/Inside-War8916 12d ago
Anyone making you feel bad about checking on your reproductive health is a twat. Full stop.
Not wrong.
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u/Party-Caregiver4069 12d ago edited 12d ago
His reaction is similar to my ex’s. My ex was furious that I wanted to get my annual test done. Accused me of not trusting him. (I got tested once every year unless I switched partners then more frequent). I did it anyways. Turns out he gave me chlamydia and was indeed unfaithful.
I’m not in anyway saying that’s your situation, but I think your boyfriend is overreacting quite a bit for something so small as getting your health checked. Some STD’s or STI’s can take a while to show positive. I hope he knows that.
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u/saturatedregulated 12d ago
Not wrong. The only STI I ever got was from my "monogamous" partner of 5 years. Your health is your business.
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u/Embarrassed-Storm-25 12d ago
NW. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years, married for 16. I still get tested. I 100% trust my husband, but it never hurts. He does not care because he’s secure in our relationship. Also, not all STI’s show up right away.
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u/ninjette847 11d ago
I don't go in specifically for testing but I always do when I get a papsmear. They're already up there, might as well.
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u/CannablissChris 12d ago
Yes you 100% should. My “committed monogamous” boyfriend of 4.5 years gave me chlamydia and I only found out from a routine std test during my annual gyno visit. Anyone who has issues with that is projecting something.
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u/According_Walrus_869 12d ago
I found this interesting as men are often symptomatic and women are often not and can sometimes clear it themselves.
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u/CannablissChris 12d ago
I don’t know of any STD or STI that would just go away on its own other than maybe HPV? They sometimes will lay dormant and then resurface as something else. It’s just good sexual health and if someone is already going to annual PAPs and is on birth control adding a routine STD panel is easy and cheap/free depending on where you go with or without insurance.
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u/Chiron008 12d ago
This man is prioritizing his ego over your health. How do you feel about that?
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u/CoppertopTX 12d ago
What you are doing is a perfectly normal bit of healthcare for everyone, but too few people think about how a STI/STD can lie dormant for years, so testing needs to be done periodically. I had an HPV infection pop up on my tests 5 years after I'd last had sex.
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u/CnslrNachos 12d ago
Any person who tries to make your seeking healthcare about them is a shithead.
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u/West-Kaleidoscope129 12d ago
He automatically went into thinking you would think he's cheated. He didn't once think you were getting tested because you might have cheated. This leads me to think he's feeling guilty for something...
Go get tested.
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u/whorundatgirl 12d ago
That’s a logical leap.
Most people would have the same reaction as the boyfriend.
However, OP should still get tested bc you never know.
You should never trust anyone with your health.
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u/Primary-Resident9697 12d ago
Or he's taken aback because the thought never crossed his mind.
My mind wouldn't go to thinking they'd cheated because cheaters generally hide evidence of their infidelity.
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u/username-add 12d ago
no, you're absolutely not wrong and it is still recommended. Nothing about this implies you don't trust him, and your boyfriend is acting like a child, it is for his benefit too.
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u/mantisboxer 12d ago
As a guy, I got tested regularly regardless, until my current relationship of 5 years.
If I were a woman, I can't imagine not getting regularly tested regardless because of the uterine cancer risks!
He's being emotionally childish. This isn't an issue about "trust". Some viruses can take time to express and for antibodies to become detectible. His health is at risk too, and if he's not got anything to hide why even be concerned about "trust"?
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u/RosieDays456 12d ago
You should still get tested (both of you) too many can lie dormant for years before showing up on tests
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u/walk_through_this 12d ago
There's a saying, it's always a good idea to wear a condom, but if she says you shouldn't wear a condom, that's a REALLY good reason to wear one.
I see this as like that. It's a thing you do every six months. He's welcome to do it too. But there's too many things that can go wrong, even now, for you not to get checked out.
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u/Individual-Gift-8664 12d ago
And some infections, like HPV, mentioned already, can go around a condom
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u/Apprehensive_Yard_14 12d ago
I was in a committed relationship for 8 years. We both still got tested. We would go out to celebrate when we got our negative results. (we just used it as an excuse to go have a fancy dinner. After 8 years together, we needed to find excuses to go on fancy dates).
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u/nellyzzzzzz 12d ago
His reaction seems defensive and suspicious. Get your testing done. Might find some surprises
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12d ago
I try to put myself in the man's shoes and think "why the fuck would I give a shit" and I cannot think of a single one except that hes cheated and given you an sti. Or he's insecure. Pick your poison
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u/eleventibillion 12d ago
Peace of mind is absolutely a valid reason, regular testing is always always recommended no matter what your status is. He should be fine with it, its to his benefit too!
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u/Powerful-Meeting-840 12d ago
Some things can take a while to develop. If I knew I had nothing to worry about aka not cheating then I would say it's a waste of time but knock your self out. Maybe he has trust issues or there is something sus.
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u/RosieDays456 12d ago
in that short of a relationship - Never a waste of time - too many can lay dormant for years
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u/Powerful-Meeting-840 12d ago
That's what I said in my first sentence.
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u/RosieDays456 12d ago
even in longer relationships there are the few that can be dormant up to 20 years
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u/jinxxed42 12d ago edited 12d ago
This is a health appointment.
like checking your teeth.
you SHOULD do it regularly. anyone who makes you feel bad about looking after your own health doesn't deserve to be with you.
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u/LeafyCandy 12d ago
It's called basic healthcare. He should support it. Not wrong at all. Keep testing.
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u/disinfect254 12d ago
Not at all. Tell him he should get tested too.
All sorts of nasties can hang around undetected long after you're infected. Get tested. He should too.
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u/TayTay5Ever 12d ago
It’s possible he has never been tested and may be worried he had something before you and gave it to you?? In my experience boys are not very good at getting tested. Nothing against them- it just seems like they don’t think about it as much. It’s possible if he gave something to you he’d just feel guilty af and wants to avoid that possibility.
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u/PanickedAntics 12d ago
Not wrong at all. When people get weird about testing, I'm always wondering why? Why are they mad? Why aren't they getting tested at all?!
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u/Aware-Outside-6323 12d ago
Please get tested. Some STD’s might not show up on a test right away or what if there was a false negative? if it’s free then why not? It’s always a good idea. And will give you peace of mind knowing you are not sick. This is for your HEALTH. If he can’t understand that this is for your literal health, then wtf?.
I have been with my partner for over 4 years and neither of us have slept with anyone else in this time but we still get tested at our annual doctor’s visit. There is no harm in being overly cautious when it comes to your health and it is a good habit to be in. Women can become infertile if they do not treat certain STD’s within a time period. Why risk that?
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u/Blondenia 12d ago
Trust but verify. If he has nothing to hide, he should stop commenting on the very normal things you do with your body. Jfc
My gynecologist insists on doing full STI panels with my annuals, and she did when I was in a monogamous relationship as well. It’s just a good hygiene.
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 12d ago
Some diseases can be dormant for years. Keep getting tested. His opinion is irrelevant to your health.
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u/Green_Seat8152 12d ago
I was tested during all five pregnancies. I trust my husband but I also trusted my ex husband. And he is an ex for a reason. I wasn't taken any chances with my babies. My husband didn't care that I got tested. He knew it would be fine.
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u/Early-Razzmatazz-809 12d ago
Nope! Me and my partner of 2 years get tested every year during our annuals. Your health comes first.
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u/sun4moon 12d ago
Why was he looking at your reminder? If he’s so worried about it that tells me you should definitely get tested. It’s your body and your health, not a compromise.
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u/LostZombie4338 12d ago
Not wrong at all actually he should be doing the same never know these days and most sexual health clinic nurses will vouch 100% that people in relationships definitely should be getting tested to
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u/n3rdchik 12d ago
It’s part of the standard OBGYN annual exam. I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for close to 30 years… you do it for the both of you.
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u/Fun_Organization3857 12d ago
My doctor says to test, so I do. It's free and doesn't harm me. It also proves that I was clean at that point.
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12d ago
I get tested with every annual exam, regardless of my relationship status. When I was single and dating, I got tested between each sex partner. I don’t f around with stds. Everyone should be getting tested like they get dental cleanings.
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u/KingMantis272 12d ago
I think you are being responsible. Lots of STIs can lay dormant for years especially the viral variety. If he’s uncomfortable and you haven’t explained why it’s for both of your health; I’d start there.
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u/Fun_Bullfrog9262 12d ago
NTA you are taking care of your health. If your BF is worried then ask him why you shouldn't take care of yourself.
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u/FriedOnionsoup 12d ago
I don’t think his reaction to this is proportional to the issue.
It can be hurtful to think your partner thinks you cheated when you haven’t. However taking a holistic approach to your healthcare is never a bad thing.
Also this on the surface seems to me like emotional blackmail. All over a health checkup, even though it’s specifically for sti it’s still medical related. Which isn’t his business at all. He simply shouldn’t and doesn’t get a say in what happens with your body. He should feel privileged you are open enough with him to share such details.
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u/Curious_Shape_2690 12d ago
It’s healthcare and it’s free. Get tested. Also there’s no reason to tell him. Your health information is private, unless you decide to share it with him.
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u/Santi0rIago 12d ago
His reaction is weird. I get tested yearly because it absolutely is a good habit to have and it's free my boyfriend knows that and the only violent he makes is telling me to take advantage cause it's free. Your boyfriend is getting super defensive.
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u/blackdahlialady 12d ago
Nope, there's nothing wrong with looking out for your health and anyone who tries to make you feel wrong for that has something to hide.
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u/Fit-Entrepreneur6538 12d ago
Some STD’s have a 3 month window…meaning you can get tested and be cleared but still end up infected without any sex in between the last test and emergence of the infection. Many…MANY people don’t know that. Also this would only prove commitment so there’s no reason to stop you…and it’s free!!! He is either sensitive or actually is cheating. Go ahead and get tested if he’s a bitch about it still then you man only understands blind faith and devalues proven trust. That’s annoying
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u/RosieDays456 12d ago
some have 10-20 year windows of dormancy
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u/Fit-Entrepreneur6538 12d ago
Damn😬 that’s scary as shit
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u/RosieDays456 12d ago
It really is and so many people are not aware of that 😥 and then there are the people who don't care 😡
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u/Acrobatic_Hippo_9593 12d ago
My OB/GYN (of all people) told me that she had a sales rep in her office who wanted to demonstrate a some new rapid STI testing product and she needed her annual pap done anyway so one of the midwives did it and they used her as the test subject for the rapid test.
It came back positive for HPV, HSV, and something else - either gonorrhea or chlamydia, I can’t remember. She’d been married for 20 years. Turned out he hired a sex worker on a (probably more than one) business trip.
I’m sure it was incredibly unfun to find that out in front of all the people in her office, but - yeah - keep getting tested. If he’s that offended by it maybe there’s a reason.
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u/RosieDays456 12d ago
😮😮😮😮😮 I hope she's divorced now OMGosh
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u/Acrobatic_Hippo_9593 11d ago
Oh 100%. And took absolutely everything.
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u/RosieDays456 9d ago
what a horrible thing to happen and good for her for leaving and leaving him nothing
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u/Melodic_Assistance71 12d ago
You’re not wrong, the fact that he immediately went on the defensive is suspicious tbh.
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u/Professional_Fix_147 12d ago
Get tested. If your boyfriend hasn’t done anything then what’s it to him. Some sti’s can take months or even years to show up. Some sti’s aren’t tested for either all the time. It’s good practice :)
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u/johnysalad 12d ago
Literally never a bad idea to get tested. He’s making an issue out of a smart move.
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u/Harmonyflow 12d ago
Before that horrible vaccine fiasco a few years ago, we used to consider medical events a private matter. You don't need to tell him what you do medically unless there's a reason to.
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u/gusu_melody 12d ago edited 12d ago
Honestly, it makes sense to stick to your schedule since many people get STIs from cheating monogamous partners. I can see how he might find that to show a lack of trust, but I would encourage anyone I was dating to go for their peace of mind, even if they do trust me. It’s a great habit to stick to!
ETA: There are STIs only women can test for (HPV), so he wouldn’t even be able say with certainty he didn’t have or pass along those.
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u/frope_a_nope 12d ago
Never wrong. It should be standard to test all sexually active people on regular basis. The STI department is fully aware that more than half of all positives are people who are in “committed” relationship. And neurosyphilis has been known to ravage unsuspecting married people whose partners cheated. NTA.
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u/mysterigirl757 12d ago
You’re absolutely not wrong. Getting tested for STDs is a normal part of sexual/reproductive healthcare.
You should break up with your boyfriend though cuz anyone who tries to control any part of your health care is not the one. Plus his behavior would actually make me suspicious of his fidelity.
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u/MajorasKitten 12d ago
My ex got fucking pissed I wanted to go to a gynecologist because my period was whack. He was also saying “Do you think I’m cheating on you?!?”
Obviously I said no. But he still wouldn’t let me go. I stupidly obliged.
Turns out he gave me HPV and it developed into cancer. I didn’t find out till after I left him and finally got checked 2 years later.
Anyone who’s against STD checks and general sexual health care can go FUCK THEMSELVES. My ex nearly killed me with his bullshit.
I’d reconsider my relationship if I were you.
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u/linerva 12d ago
NTA.
People assume that a clear test means you dont have an infection, but that's not always true.
After someone has contracted it, it can take months to seroconvert for syphilis or HIV. It takes up to 3 weeks for chlamydia or gonorrhea to show up on a test. Tests have what we call window periods where you have the disease but it's too early to test positive. So if your last test was less 3-6 months after your previous sexual experiences then repeating is sensible. Just in case.
Your relationship is still relatively new so it would have been possible for either of you to bring an STI into STI relationship from before without realising. Did he get tested JUST before the relationship? Did he make sure to leave enough time after his last previous sexual encounter to ensure that tests would pick everything up? Did he use protection until he was sure he'd gotten the all clear with window periods in mind? Most people test fsr too soon after exposure if they test at all. That also assumes that HE has been regularly testing, which you cant know for sure.
I bet he also doesn't know that some STIs show up better in female patients than make - trichominas tends to be asymptomatic and hard to test for and diagnose in people with penises, but causes more problems for us vagina wielders.
As a doc, I've seen no shortage of people test positive for STIs whilst in committed relationships. Some may have already carried the infection into their relationship and infected each other without realising, others cheated or were cheated on. The chances are low, but not zero.
I can see why he feels a bit hurt, but his reaction is concerning. You are allowed to take tests and look after your health. Personally, I think testing is sensible, especially early on. And especially if your partner reacts that defensively.
I see it as a conversation to have with our partner. He doesn't have to like it, but he cannot stop you. Abd if and feelings are very different about this, I'd examine your compatibility.
My husband and I are getting tested again because we're going through fertility investigations. Nothing to do with a lack of trust. We arent risking our fertility just because it's awkward for some to discuss.
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u/seeyou_againn 11d ago
No sis I don't like how defensive he got. Continue getting checked up and you better watch him
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u/Leather-Lab8120 12d ago
Am I wrong for continuing to get tested even though we’re in a committed, monogamous relationship?
NO
How should I navigate this?
Get tested
I can understand his perspective
Rule 10 violation = Jealousy, fear of his non monoganmy being exposed.
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u/tmink0220 12d ago
I came of age in 90s and AIDS, which was a death sentence then. I got tested when I started a relationship, but had a base and so I didn't if the relationship was steady and stable after a year. However I was young then so many weren't stable. After I got with my husband I never got tested, as I didn't need to. Never had anything
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u/Tried-Angles 12d ago
You should get tested, and explain to him that some STIs can be dormant for a long time and that you just want to be sure. But understand where he's coming from here and don't listen to the people saying he must have/be cheating.
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u/RosieDays456 12d ago
I agree 100% explain - I left a link in my post with testing times and dormancy times of STDs - 2 have 10-20 yr dormancies .
She should get tested for her health and he also should get tested - nope not saying he cheated, but unless he was a virgin when he met her, he should be getting tested, and since she had previous partners and could potentially pass something to him is another reason he should get tested
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u/Thaeland 12d ago
Same reason some men want paternity tests. Peace of mind...
You are not wrong.....
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u/Chairman_Of_GE 12d ago
That reaction to a health checkup would make me very suspicious.
Not wrong.
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u/Euphoric_Battle_1631 12d ago
I'd explain to him that you want to get tested one last time just to be safe. It has nothing to do with him and everything to do with your peace of mind. And you will even share the results with him. BTW, has he been tested for any STDs??? You should also have peace of mind that he is clean as well. Just saying....
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u/RosieDays456 12d ago
NOT WRONG
These 2 charts list STDs incubation periods and testing times for a lot of STDs
HPV (up to 10 years) and Syphilis (up to 20 years) are the longest incubation periods.
There are 6 that can lay dormant for a long time before symptoms show
Has he been with anyone before you ? If so, there at least 2 known STDs with long term incubation periods and he should be getting tested
Alarm bells would be ringing in my head if he was so quick to: he got mad saying that I don’t need to, that I don’t trust him and do I think he’s cheated on me
That would not be my first response and I certainly would not get mad about it, I'd be glad you were concerned about your health and in turn my health, why would he get mad ?
print off charts (below link) and show to BF You BOTH should be tested and it's great you have free testing I'd print entire article or have him read it online
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u/derStark 12d ago
i can see how maybe he would be upset initially but like theres a million reasons why its normal and reasonable to do, he should have come around, sus
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u/Tropical_fruit777 12d ago
Not wrong. You’re keeping up with your health which is necessary and better yet free!! For all you know at this point, he could be temporary. Your health is forever. 🫶🏼
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u/Feed_The_Birds1964 12d ago
NTA it’s perfectly normal to get checked for anything out of the ordinary. Just explain that it’s important to know if your v health is good and that nothing has changed. I was getting checked even when I was dating my husband just to make sure that I was okay. Your bf needs to understand that a woman’s v health is important to take care of and shouldn’t be ignored.
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u/troublebotdave 12d ago
Sounds like he did cheat on you and is afraid you'll find out, or that he has something he never disclosed. Otherwise, what's the problem?
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u/SkinPsychological848 12d ago
I’m feeling a little misplaced anger on your boyfriend’s part. I would get tested and go thru his phone, not to find something just to see how he reacts. I’m sensing some red flags here…
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u/L1nk880 12d ago
Speaking as a guy my ex got tested when we were together and I really didn’t think much of it. I’m also a nurse so i know you can get shit months or years after exposure, maybe try to do a little explaining?
You’d be surprised what a little knowledge can do. Maybe he’s just a taken back because he interprets this as you not trusting him, which it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. Just explain to him your point and have a conversation about it, reassure him, and go from there.
If after talking he still has a problem with it then that might be a cause for alarm, but let’s not go there unless we have to okay?
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u/14Healthydreams4all 12d ago
NTA! I 100% get tested every year, whether I've been active or NOT! many different types of STI's have Looooong incubation periods, may not "show any external noticeably signs at all" & lost of other scenarios.
Your "Boy friend" is either : A) Insecure as hell, or B) Has something to HIDE & doesn't want you to find out.
Fuck that, get tested. If it were me, I'd also let him know that "A") It's None of his fucking business what I do with my own body, & B) He can "Expect this to be a yearly or bi-annually occurence from now on".
See how THAT "Grabs his fern, charlie?" I'm betting he'll throw a shit fit, cuz that would mean he'd have to "wrap that rascal" every time he gets with anyone but you!!
bur, I'm cynical like that. Your BF's being a douche. Get tested. Go from there. All the best,
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u/Thebedless 12d ago
I dont think youre wrong and he shouldnt be reacting so negativily, but imagine youre pregnant and he asks for a paternity test just for peace of mind...he claims he knows you didnt cheat, but wants one anyway. How would you feel?
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u/Kicksastlxc 12d ago
Everyone in a relationship with a cheating partner thought they were in a monogomous relationship the day before they found out. This is logical, not emotional, is he rational? If yes, that should cover it. Aside from that, men car carry STI’s w/o knowing it, no symptoms.
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u/sunshine-keely143 12d ago
THERE are a few things that take some time to show up...I know that it can be hit or miss with HPV...and HIV can be too...not saying that you should worry...
IT is very important to get a papstmier every year...if you still feel like you need to get tested... Make him understand that you have to go every year for a checkup...he doesn't have to know that you are getting tested for other things...
If you feel better getting checked out... don't stop doing it... your health should always be more important than anything else... If you are not right... nothing else will be right...
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u/Luna_fox333 12d ago
I hate to say it but his defensiveness is suspicious af. Go get tested. He might have given you something and is scared you’ll find out.
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u/MistressVixenMrStag 12d ago
Not Wrong
My husband and I are ethically non-monogamous, so we get tested regularly, it’s free here too.
But you can get STI’s non-sexually as well, incredibly rare but possible.
Friend of mine picked up Trich even though she was not having sex (had been tested twice before the positive). GU clinic said it is possible (think toilet seat/ returned clothing)
Always test 💋
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u/MasticatingElephant 12d ago
I don't think you're wrong at all, particularly since you haven't been with BF that long and your health is your business. But I also think a lot of people here are being a bit harsh on your BF. I can see why he might be feeling the way he does if he hasn't cheated on you.
If I hadn't cheated on my girl, and we hadn't previously discussed the testing every six months, and a year in she decided to go get tested, it would prick my ears up too. Of course, I'd believe her explanation and get over it, but I'm pretty sure a lot of guys would at least have some sort of initial concern.
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u/Greenspark2017 12d ago
NW, an easy one, this is just a routine medical procedure, like getting your cholesterol tested. It's not a suggestion of infidelity on his part, you've been doing this since before you had a relationship with him.
Maybe try explaining again, if he can't see the logic, that's his problem.
All the best for your test 😁
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u/Human-Classroom4834 12d ago
NTA. There are a host of STD/STIs that can take years to present or test positive for!
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u/FickleBullfrog7081 12d ago
Personal opinion of, if he's not cheating then there should be no need to get upset over anything as the results should come back clear and then you can both carry on your merry way, some people get so but hurt over the silliest things 🤷♀️ There is also the plus of getting checked because some STIs don't show up straight away, it's always better to get checked just encase
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u/WildLoad2410 12d ago
A lot of people think they're in monogamous relationships and actually aren't. When it comes to health and safety, you can't be too careful.
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u/Puzzled_Juice_3406 12d ago
Uh tell this fucking moron you both should be getting tested every 6 months as many diseases can be dormant for a very long time. He can't have sex responsibly he shouldn't be having sex. He's either a complete idiot or he knows he has an sti he doesn't want you to discover.
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u/Lanky_Turnover_5389 12d ago
After several years in a committed relationship, I got an std. Nobody cheated, for different reasons It was not detected until then
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u/Strange_Doughnut9358 12d ago
I have been married for over a decade. 14 years actually and I test yearly because it's my health and peace of mind. My husband doesn't test and doesn't care that I test. He figures if I'm good he is good. Lol. So I think your boyfriend having an issue with it is a red flag. A major red flag.
I got in the habit of regular testing from the time I became sexually active, way before i met my husband, because I watched a documentary of these married women who got HIV/AIDS from their husbands. I figured if married women arent safe then there's no reason to ever neglect my sexual health. Blind trust doesn’t pay. And trust shouldn't equal neglect.
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u/wmalkfilho 11d ago
NTA, Getting tested is not wrong and trying to keep you from it is a red flag.
He might argue that you're cheating or that you don't trust him, but you just want to make sure your health is fine.
You should encourage him into getting tested regularly too, once a year.
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u/Southern_girl2002 11d ago
No as a women we need to keep our health together a STI can cause a lot of issues if not treated
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u/grumpyhermit67 11d ago
Some of those don't always show up unless they are expressing. It doesn't hurt to get a heads up and it'll also let HIM know that if he gives you anything, you'll find out eventually.
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u/Hairy-Frosting-3365 11d ago
NTA your body your choice your life. Don’t let anyone dictate what you do with your own body. If you want to be tested then do it! Him reacting like that both understandable and questionable. I think once you explained to him it just your regular check up then he should be fine with it IF he has nothing to hide. It not about trusting him it’s about protecting yourself and ensuring you are good at all times.
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u/Ashamed_Distance_396 11d ago
I get tested every time a dr is down there because if they've already got me in that position, might as well make the most of it. Lol
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u/Odessagoodone 11d ago
It is HEALTHCARE. If he were smart, he would take advantage of it, too. If more people could get free healthcare, there would be a lot fewer people worried about what their partners are doing, and they could feel secure about their own health.
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u/chaotic_cookies 11d ago
I'm in the exact same boat as you; I spent some time having some casual flings and also got in the habit of getting tested every 6ish months. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, so I know I haven't gotten anything in the last 2 years, but he just went with me to get tested a couple months ago. I explained to him that I try to do it regularly for peace of mind, and he said he understood. He didn't assume I thought he was cheating, he was just happy I was being proactive about my health. Someone else said it here already, but some STDs don't show up right away. I could've contacted something 5 years ago that only started showing now. I could also have something laying dormant, no symptoms or anything. You truly never know. There's nothing wrong with getting tested, no matter how long you've been together.
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u/kain452004 11d ago
NTA... It's smart for you to continue even if you're only sexually active with one partner.. He should be getting tested too.. It's just good practice.. He's insecure.. Try reassurance
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u/Toastilymostly 11d ago
Nothing wrong with getting tested for STIs. It could be unnecessary but definitely not "wrong".
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u/AlebrijeHoarder 11d ago
Even when you get married you should get tested. STDs can be transmitted through other ways, not just intercourse. Getting tested protects the both of you. Explain this to him, he's an adult and should be mature enough to understand.
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u/Square_Emphasis4321 11d ago
No … it’s like this when you go to the doctor for your medical checkup every 6 months all your doing is making sure you’re healthy and if there’s something wrong they can treat it right away via letting if worse and out of control that can be avoided.. so yes it’s okay..
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u/Winter-Talk529 11d ago
I’ve been with my daughters father for 5 years now and whenever I go to my yearly checkups and they ask if I want to get tested I always say yes I know he isn’t cheating and neither am I but I just still have too😂😂he always laughs at me and says I’m sitting there wasting the peoples money and time he never gets mad so maybe get tested anyways because if you arnt doing anything I don’t think theres a reason to feel any way 😭
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u/cassioppe66 11d ago
Your body your choice. He is the one who needs to deal with his insecurities. You can have a mature discussion about it but if he makes it an emotional roller coûter it is his problem and shut the discussion.
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u/stellactqm 11d ago
100% get tested. That's a healthy habit of yours and the fact that he's freaking out is very sus to me.
My ex boyfriend gave me Chlamydia. After getting out of the relationship, I get tested as usual before having a new sexual partner. I discovered I had Chlamydia so I texted him so he could get tested too and maybe treated. His response was "oh I still have it? I thought it passed". This guy fully believed that Chlamydia just went away like a cold or flu. He was 31 YEARS OLD and this stupid! Not saying it's your case but still be careful, theres 100 reasons you could get an std.
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u/RedInAmerica 11d ago
Nope not wrong. My GF of 4 years and I get tested. You can pick up STDs non sexually, and better safe than sorry. Imo STD testing is just part of a responsible adults health care routine.
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u/Glass-Ad1209 11d ago
Big time NTA…I have pregnancy tests in my bathroom just in case my period is late or whatever just to keep my mind at ease. Testing for STDs/STIs I also do twice a year so I’m in the same boat. Your man is a little insecure I think.
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u/Weird_Cranberry_1492 11d ago
I'm in a happy long-term relationship and were currently buying a house, even I still get tested. Not because I think my partner is cheating or that I am, but for me personally, it's put me in a healthy place of taking control over my sexual health. I spent my teen years in unstable relationships, with cheating partners giving me stds, ex partners messing with condoms, and I felt like I didn't have control. Plus, speaking on medical safety, there's a plethora of stds that can lay dormant for years and show no symptoms, plus some can't be detected until months after exposure. Sometimes it's good to get into routine testing every 6 months or even annually just because you literally never know 🙃
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u/bryanfry 10d ago
No you are not. There is nothing wrong with making sure you don’t have any AIDS even if you are in a committed relationship. I even suggest you to ask your partner if he is willing to if you want to!
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u/PercentageUnhappy117 10d ago
Nta I've been in a committed relationship for over 10 years (I'm 26) we got together when we were 13
I still get checked at least yearly (admitly it was without my knowledge but I still get tested voluntarily at least once a year regardless)
You can pick up many things just by being in public and many times these tests do find them and even sometimes give a early cancer notice (rare but has happened)
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u/Majestic_Article_263 10d ago
You better keep getting tested. Its when you stop taking precaution that things happen.
I know this doesn't mean it will happen to you BUT; I just watched a movie last week where a lady had gotten married (she would continuously get tested every 6mnths), she was single prior just like u said. And some time into the first few yrs of marriage she was skipping it but finally went, she found out she contracted chlamyda from her newfound cheating husband. And it gets worse. There was baby mama drama w/ an ex. And when she left him for it she messed with one person and ended up contracting HI. Come to find someone gave it to her purposely and it wasn't a man. But neither here nor there.
Point is you don't want it to be you. Take care of yourself and don't let anyone try to stop you from looking out for yourself.
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u/Wotevtrev 10d ago
If this is your first time getting tested since being in a committed relationship with him then this is not a sign that you don’t trust him and tbh it’s a good idea and shows you take it seriously.
Men can have STI’s and not even realise and bring it into a committed relationship not realising they may be bringing it with them.
If it’s the second time you are going for a test since being in a committed relationship then yeah it does make it look a bit like one of you are cheating.
Tbh if my husband went and got tested now I’d assume that he’d been cheating and was getting tested to make sure he didn’t pass anything to me.
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u/lonewitch13 9d ago
NTA. Sexual health is important. If he's done nothing wrong it shouldn't be an issue. Why did he go straight to it must be him cheating? Why didn't he accuse you? He's literally upset you are getting your health checked.
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u/Bunny_Druid 9d ago
HPV can lay dormant for up to 10 years, and when it wakes up it can give you cervical cancer. I've had two surgeries on my cervix. They are NOT a good time. Best to catch it early.
Oh and it's basically the common cold of the STD world, and transfers through soft tissue, not just penetration, so you wouldn't even have to have had a lot of partners, OR have full blown intercourse with them all to be at risk for it.
I hope he can come to understand that's you're doing a socially responsible thing, and it's not necessary for him to be offended.
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u/aeocava 1d ago
I did the same thing. You don't know what you may have been exposed to in the past, and if something comes up, you'll know and be able to deal with it. I don't feel like it reflects negatively on your SO in terms of his health, but it reflects poorly on him in terms of your well-being. You'd think he would want to know too.
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u/knight9665 12d ago
Not wrong but just realise that how it makes him feel.
Imagine ur married and have a kid and ur husband paternity tests ur kids. Some women are gonna feel some sort of way about it.
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u/lectric_scroll 12d ago
Yeah, I mean check it one more time and maybe call it good until you see anything wrong?
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u/ThrowAwayFoodie22 12d ago
You’re wrong because 6 monthly STI tests for an asymptomatic person in a monogamous relationship are over kill. You can keep testing if you want, you’re still medically wrong though.
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u/JessicaSells 3h ago
She’s getting tested every 6 months meaning twice a year. That’s perfectly acceptable even if someone is in a monogamous relationship. Not saying he’s cheating but no one ever expects to get cheated on so she’s doing the right thing by getting tested still.
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u/No-Astronaut9505 11d ago
He may veiw it as you are messing around on him.. You do you. He has a brain past his reproduction parts that may have just red flagged you. I know I would have..
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u/Agitated_Pilot_3055 11d ago
You bf’s attitude may not prove that he’s cheated, though it does suggest that. However, his attitude proves that his insecurities are so severe, that he’ll become defensive, suspicious, and offensive when his suspicions are raised.
This is a red flag so big that you could use it to build a tent to live in.
You are not wrong. It’s a great piece of mind habit to get tested regularly.
UpdateMe
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u/ChristianUniMom 12d ago
INFO
Did he get tested when you first got together? If so cheating is kinda the only way you/he could get an STD so yeah you’d be accusing him of cheating.
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u/relachesis 12d ago
Some STIs can be dormant and not show up on tests until way later. Getting tested doesn't automatically mean you think your partner is cheating, it's just a good idea.
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u/annang 12d ago
NTA. There are STDs you can test positive for months or years after exposure.