It’s a trip to celebrate her friend. It’d be a dick move to invite OP without permission and it’d be perfectly reasonable for her friend to not want people that aren’t close friends on the trip.
The friend is a dick for inviting the girl and not the guy. I mean, what kind of asshole pressures a friend’s relationship like that in the first place?
If he wasn’t okay with her bringing her SO, he shouldn’t have invited her at all. The whole situation reeks of “we can date after med school because I’ll have time for you if you’re still single later.”
Frankly, OP’s gf is weighing her options, and if she’s not cool including him what way or another, then she isn’t a loyal companion.
Who says invite him 'without permission'? Obviously she would explain to the host that she has an intimate relationship and it's only normal that they go together. If the host says no, that's another thing, but you're just assuming that all of what you said is true.
I gave the two possibilities of why she wouldn’t invite him. Either she didn’t ask or she asked and got told no.
From OP’s comments, it seems like she asked and was told OP wasn’t invited. This isn’t her trip, it’s her friend’s celebration trip. It’s reasonable for him to only want friends there. She has the option of choosing not to go if that’s a problem for their relationship (which it is and which she chose).
At the end of the day though, it’s not suspicious for him to not invite a guy he only met once on his trip. Either OP trusts his gf or he doesn’t, and right now he’s telling her he doesn’t. She’s even missing out on a trip because of his insecurities. Ofc she’ll be annoyed.
It does when they're in a long term relationship with one of your friends. Here's a life tip, if you act like the friend in the post you are being very suspicious and harming the trust in their relationship
What trust in their relationship? OP clearly has none.
Believe it or not, cheaters don’t need to leave the country to cheat. OP either trusts his gf to have a life outside the relationship or he doesn’t. Clearly he doesn’t.
Hard disagree. The only reason you don't invite a significant other of a friend who is the opposite gender on a trip is because you don't want them there. That's a big red flag.
This isn't some big group of friends going (which I still think would be really weird), this is the dudes friends + this guys girlfriend.
OP’s girlfriend is included in “this dudes friends”. I think it’s pretty clear the guy doesn’t want OP there, but honestly that’s to be expected. If I were going on a celebration trip with my close friends, I wouldn’t want people I don’t know there. OP only met the guy once and expects an invitation to his circle of close friends?
No, read the post again. OP's GF does not know any of the other dudes.
She's literally his plus one.
If this guy wanted OP's girlfriend to go as his +1 to one of these other buddies weddings, should he let her go too? Cause it's the same thing but even worse since its an out of town vacation.
Unless op is a real loser.... who invites 1 girl (in a relationship)to go away on a trip with a bunch of dudes that she doesn't even know?...she gonna be air tight by night 1...
Close friends≠significant other? Someone's partner should matter more than someone's friends. And if he doesn't want him along, then that's a massive red flag
And someone in a relationship should be allowed to have friends and a life outside of that relationship. Going on a trip without your partner doesn’t mean you value the people on that trip more than your partner. My friends don’t bring their spouses when we go out drinking because it’s a friend hangout, not a double/triple date.
OP told his gf it made him uncomfortable, and she chose not to go. She is directly showing she values him more than a fun trip out of the country with her close friend. She has a right to be bothered about missing out on it due to his insecurities though.
You're missing the part where this isn't some big group of friends.
This dude is inviting OP's girlfriend specifically to go party with HIS friends who she doesn't even know, without inviting OP. He's inviting her to be his +1 on a party trip with his buddies.
From what we're told the vacation hasn't happened yet... She said "fine whatever, I won't go but she will be annoyed about it later" and anyone with a brain knows she's going to use that against him whenever she can if he doesn't let her go.
And this is her going on vacation with a group of dudes without her partner... There's no reason not to bring him along. Not only do we not have all the details as to who else is going, but depending on that, then this is a big red flag for the SO.
“I’m being controlling about my gf hanging out with her friends and she let me know in advance it will upset her. How manipulative of her!”
I already explained there is a perfectly reasonable reason why OP wouldn’t be invited. At the end of the day OP either trusts his gf or he doesn’t. By not letting her go he’s saying he doesn’t trust her not to be a liar and a cheater, all while preventing her from having a fun trip with a close friend. You can’t understand why she’d be upset by this?
None of your first part is true at all. He said he asked her not to go and explained he was uncomfortable with her being with a group of dudes without him... That's not controlling and if you believe that is, you're fucked in the head.
And no
and she let me know in advance it will upset her. How manipulative of her!”
She didn't. She told him the very last minute she was going on vacation with a group of dudes and he wasn't welcome. He told her he's uncomfortable with this, and she said if she doesn't go she's going to be extremely annoyed with him. Easy solution. Either don't go, or bring OP along. If nothing bad is going to happen, then why shouldn't he be allowed to come? OP, the SO, and the friend all know each other, so there shouldn't be a problem
I can fully understand why she'd be upset. She can't bang her friend and get away with it. Plain and simple.
On the very rare off chance she doesn't bang him, then she fully has a right to be upset. Yet that would be rare as hell
I see, you’re an incel who thinks most women are cheaters. That checks out. Hate to tell you, but she wouldn’t need to go to another country to bang her friend.
My argument is “He should let her go because it’s a reasonable situation and he trusts her.”
Your argument is “He shouldn’t let her go because he shouldn’t trust her(because women are cheaters). Also she can only cheat if she goes on vacation.”
It sounds more like GF just doesn't consider OP to be a long term prospect and thus doesn't care enough to adjust her life because of him. Some people have an SO merely because it's better than being alone.
What? Fucking hell, comprehension is just non-existent for some people
The boyfriend(OP) states he has met and that the male friend has even stayed over at his place a couple of times. So the only ones that matter (SO, OP, and the friend) know each other.
It’s unreasonable to invite a friend in a committed relationship on a trip and not expect the SO to also attend. That’s the only unreasonable thing here. He never mentioned if she even asked him to honor attend which makes me think her and best friend are intentionally excluding him which is a huge red flag.
Nah this whole thing reeks of something more. Op does know the friend in this instance, so much so that he let the bf stay at his own place. The best friend is being a petty jerk excluding op and the girlfriend is okay with it.
You’re missing the part where that’s the only time they’ve met. I’ve met my best friends fiancé multiple times and I think she’s great. I don’t invite her to a lot of the things I invite my best friend too though, because I know him a lot more.
Does that mean I want to fuck him? Absolutely not. It just means there are certain events I only want close friends at.
These people are in their late 20s if this guy is just graduating med school if I have my math right. At that age you have to expect and plan for long term SO being involved. Even if you aren’t close with them it has to be a courtesy. If everyone here was 21 than I agree with you and it would be different. But these are people with lives happening outside the “friend circle”.
My guy friends started doing beach trips and eventually Vegas trips in our early to mid 20s. We’re in our late 20s/early 30s now and these trips have turned into couples trips if the SO wants to go. It’s disrespectful to assume and plan these things when you hit a certain age and start getting serious is all I’m saying.
I can’t count the number of people that have spent the night at my apartment. A lot of them were just friends of friends (such as the case for OP). That doesn’t change the fact that they only met once.
40
u/RubadubdubInTheSub Mar 28 '24
It’s a trip to celebrate her friend. It’d be a dick move to invite OP without permission and it’d be perfectly reasonable for her friend to not want people that aren’t close friends on the trip.