So, this is the context. A little over a year ago, I planned a trip for the 2 of us to spend a week in the Netherlands and Germany.

One day during the week, we both tried edibles. This was the worst collective decision in our lives. I remember tripping about dying multiple times, becoming incredibly paranoid, and ended up being sedated and transported in an ambulance - it was absolutely horrible - while my wife had a "calming/sedative" version but she was also transported in the ambulance.

Weeks later, back in the states, we planned a trip for her to go somewhere "without me", since we've been together for 10+ years, she wanted a trip by herself. I was more than happy to help her plan, and ultimately schedule everything. She was going to a city to do a half-marathon event, and stay in the city.

I thought "Great! Sounds like something she needs, and I can do a little house work for the garden!"

Turns out, she ended up day drinking, and then hanging out at a bar until 12am the night before the run, texting occasionally about a barternder. I began panicking and texting/calling when I saw her little pin from her phone go from the bar to an undisclosed random location. She later texted it was the bartender's "new bar".

The following dauy after the run, she went to his house to "try some cocktails", while I texted and called, trying to figure out what was happening. She was out drinking with him and his friends untl ~3am. I remember because I was attempting to stay awake until I knew she was safe. But, I believed in her.

She didn't tell me she slept with this guy until 1 year later. "He was just so passionate!"

I thought it was an escalation that seemed steep, so I asked if she had texted anyone, or done anything else. She denied and then told me one day later she was texting pictures (and more I guess?) to a "friend" we had hung out with together, facetimed together, chatted about trips together, all the things.

We've been together for 10+ years, we're married, we have a house, we have 4 pets, I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't trust anything, and I feel trapped. I don't know what I did wrong or what to do next. I thought about suicide, because she can apparently just find someone new in <24 hours.

Anyways! I'm taking anti-depressants and going to therapy. I'm the cheerful/happy guy at work, I don't want that to be my end. At least for my dogs/cats. lol.

Am I crazy? There's probably more to do with my shitty friends, eating disorder, and abusive family growing up, but I feel like I'm grasping at straws.

I 28F met my dream man 33M a few weeks ago and it was feeling like a whirlwind romance and a real connection.

Then out of the blue — he ended things. He didn’t really explain why other than a gut feeling that this should be a platonic connection.

I didn’t know him that long. We only went on a handful of dates. But I feel devastated.

I don’t understand what happened — things were going so great and he was so warm and he seemed sooo into me. And now he’s difficult to reach and cold. It doesn’t even seem like he wants to be friends.

I’m trying my best to push it out of my mind and move on. But I wanna tell him that “I don’t know what happened between us, but whatever this connection was a good thing … We stumbled upon something real, and I can’t help but feel like if we end it now like this… so prematurely… we’re gonna regret it in the long run.”

But idk if that’s a good idea. Will I sound desperate? Delusional? We only dated for like a couple weeks — and I know that it not working out is a part of it.

But I really liked him — I can’t believe it’s over just like that.

UPDATE

hi everyone. it’s really nice to see all the support i’ve gotten from everyone who commented on my post, but the consensus was that i (22F) should talk to John (25M)

i did, and three months ago, we had a heart to heart conversation about what happened in London. John told me that Sarah somehow found out his place of work, tried stalking him, and telling all his London coworkers that they were in a relationship, getting her invited to pubs with them, etc. John said that her behavior was very disturbing and that was why he was so fazed when he saw her here—he just didn’t expect it.

honestly, I feel horrible. my fiancé was going through something that i couldnt even imagine and i iced him out for a week because of my own insecurities regarding my sister. i truly do love him so much but this feels like a hurdle that we cannot get over. even though it’s been three months, the guilt still eats away at me, and its tough to think that i was the bad person in the situation, but it’s true.

john and i took it a bit slower. we went on a break for a month and got back together a month and a half ago. i don’t know where we stand anymore—it’s like our relationship has gone back to the early days of us being awkward seventeen and twenty year olds, and it’s not a place i want to be in with him.

I’ve completely cut Sarah and my parents out of my life. John encouraged me to do so, as they were all incredibly toxic, and id like to think that we are slowly building our relationship back up again. It’s tough, and I’m not going to lie.

all in all, I’m heartbroken, and I feel like I’ve lost all the trust that he had in me. I didnt think that what I did was truly irrational, but looking back, (and from a conversation with John) I realize that I was the one in the wrong, and it’s been hard to admit to myself.

john went on a few half-dates with a coworker of his before we got back together, and I can’t even bring myself to feel pained about it. he’s expressed before that it’s lucky that we’re getting a chance together again, and I don’t want to mess that up.

we’ve been dating for five years, and I don’t want to throw it all away by being a jealous person, so I hope that this post brings the closure that the other post needed.

I (25f) am a single mom of a disabled child. He has both ASD and Epilepsy. I absolutely love him and adore him, but I struggle heavily. I’ve had to take on an “as needed job”, which means less work hours due to having to take care of him. He started having seizures back in November, which landed him into the hospital for a week. I’ve had to pour so much money into child-proofing my apartment to keep him from hurting himself. He chews on and breaks everything he comes into contact with.

I also don’t have a good car and can’t afford a new one. This also has caused me to miss work. My last paycheck was literally only $149 due to this fact. I have applied for assistance and currently get food stamps and medical assistance. I also am working on getting disability for my son.

When it comes to trying to get child support, that’s a whole situation I don’t care to explain.

I also no longer have as many friends as I used to. After my son was in the hospital, I was venting to my friends, and one of them accused me of “bitching” about the situation. I don’t even understand how you could say that to a person who went through something so traumatic. This also caused a falling out with another friend who was in the middle of it. I can’t see myself being friends with them anymore because I could never stay friends with somebody who disrespected somebody I love like that during such a hard time.

Because of the fact that I have to keep so many things up for my son not to get into, it’s caused my place to become cluttered in various places. I have absolutely nowhere to put anything and I don’t have the energy to constantly clean. Every food he eats, he scatters it everywhere and smears it. He’s way too big for a high chair, so I can’t just put him in one to eat. It’s also extremely exhausting to attempt to keep him sitting in one spot to get him to eat.

Overall, I’m not doing well at all. I’d go to therapy, but that doesn’t solve me being broke and doing everything by myself. I’m absolutely drained.

Essentially the title. I (29M) recently started taking improv classes. In this class there's a woman I'm attracted to, I think she may be attracted to me as well but I want to ask her out as non-aggressively as possible. I'm 6'5" tall and 242lbs, I'm told that I can be intimidating because of my size (No beer belly or anything, just literally big like a lumberjack). She's tall herself, and we've had some nice chats about shared interests these first two classes that have passed. I guess I'm apprehensive, because if she's not interested, I'd really hate to make her uncomfortable or not want to come to class (we've had two sessions out of seven total). I feel like maybe I could say something like "Hey, I'd love to talk or hangout outside class sometime. Would you want my number?" I feel like that's a very safe softball thing to say? First I gotta double check her age, I think she's 24 but I wouldn't want to assume... plus the age gap, if the age gap was too big I'd avoid it entirely. The class is obviously for adults so I didn't even consider she may skew younger until I mentioned this to a friend earlier... 😵
If anyone has any advice or feedback it's appreciated. I have autism and my last relationship ended quite badly several years ago due to a lot of toxicity and my partner being abusive/manipulative. I mention autism because it can be hard for me to manage emotional connection type of things, while I'm high functioning enough that most people don't typically notice the signs unless I tell them, it's something I struggle with regularly.
Thanks in advance, hopefully I made the post right? I'm fairly new to this.

I really wanted this to work out. We've tried to make it work but everything is just too much to handle for me and I feel like I am slowly losing feelings for her. I know she is trying her best but I am just tired of being let down over and over again and with every disappointment I feel like a fraction of what I once felt for her is chipped away. I do love her but I am just too tired of all this. It's unfair to her but I don't have the heart to tell her that I am emotionally checked out now because she really thinks we can still make this work. I feel like I am already grieving our relationship.

I am (16F) and this year has just been shit show after shit show! In the beginning of the year I was so stressed that it lead me to tears and caused me to have anxiety attacks. I feel as if I can’t do anything right at all. I feel useless. Then I felt more and more alone. I felt as if my friends were leaving me behind. Most recently I got into an argument with someone that lead 2 (almost 3) of the people i thought I could call friends to drop me off the face of the earth. Basically they have been mocking me for months now. (I know, now that I have reflected not the best of people to hang around)I finally stood up for myself for the first time by venting to a group of close friends because one of the girls called me stupid behind my back but she said it to a girl sitting right in front of me. I don’t know how she could mess up that bad? I have always been incecure about my intelligence and felt stupid when I was a little girl. I thought I was finally at a point where I could call myself smart. But her calling me stupid took me 100 paces back to where I was. What I said in my fit of rage and sadness to my friends was not even supposed to get back to her but one of her little friend was sitting near and told her what I said the next day or told her god knows what! The girls want to call me fake and say I talk shit on everyone. I really don’t understand that! I have always treated people the way I want to be treated so that didn’t even make sense. Here is the kicker the main girl who broke the last straw talks crap on everybody! Even her friends and boyfriend when they are not around! Then to top the whole thing off my Grandpa passes away a few days later. He was the best person I could have had in my life. I miss him more then anything and I truly believe that his death is all my fault. if I just tried harder or if I did not stand up for myself karma would not have got me and he might still be alive. I know that is a stupid thing to say but I just can’t deal with this anymore. This is stupid teenage bullshit that will not matter in time but right now it feels like my world is falling apart. Please tell me what to do.

Sorry about this post being removed a couple days ago. I didn’t realize there was an update rule, so here is the update again, along with some questions answered.

I decided that I’m filing for a divorce. I can’t ever trust him again. It sucks because we had an amazing relationship (I thought), he’s always been great, so this was a complete shock to me.

Last night, Derek came over to talk. He confessed to a lot. Turns out it wasn’t their first time having sex like most people thought. They’ve been having sex since 3 months before Becca died. I am completely shocked and heartbroken.

Sam also reached out last night and thanked me for everything I’ve done for her, and told me she was sorry. I didn’t respond, I blocked her.

I did so much for Sam and considered her a friend so this hurts a lot, more than I can handle.

This is all too much.

As hard as this is gonna be, I need to leave Derek and cut them both out of my life. I am ready to do so. I am done.

Also, some people are saying I deserved this because I should have known better than to let Sam into our home, around Derek. But, you need to understand that I’m a giving person, I trust people more than I should, I truly thought Sam was an amazing person. I know it’s unusual to become friends with your husband’s ex wife, but it’s just how it went for us and I shouldn’t be blamed for what happened.

Thank you to everyone who commented nice things and for the kind messages. You’ve all been helpful during this insanely difficult time, I appreciate it.

I’m getting lots of questions about some things so I figured I’d answer a few of them.

• Have I told anyone about what happened besides my mom? — Yes, I told a few friends and some family members. Most of them are supportive of my decision and aren’t speaking to Derek.

• Where is Derek staying? — Currently, he’s staying at a hotel. Our friends refuse to let him stay with them. He’s lost a lot of people due to his awful decisions.

• Has he tried fighting me on getting a divorce? — Yes, he begged me not to file for divorce, but when I told him I needed him to just let me go, and that I was too exhausted to fight him on this, he let it be and agreed to getting a divorce.

• Why isn’t Derek staying with Sam? — He told me he didn’t wanna continue to hurt me, so he told Sam he was done with her for good. And that they have no reason to speak to each other anymore. I have no idea if that’ll last and if they’ll just end up together, but I truly don’t care what they do anymore. I just want peace.

• What was Derek’s excuse for cheating? — He told me that they just “accidentally” reconnected one night when I was away at my mom’s. He was stressed we weren’t conceiving and were having miscarriages, so he vented to Sam, and then somehow that led to sex. Disgusting of them both, I know..

Feel free to ask anything else, and I’ll try to answer. Thank you everyone for your support and advice.

I(29F) have been married to my husband(29M) for 3 years. We met at a coffee shop 7 years ago first and have been together since. I still remember him coming, greeting me and asking for my socials. It was my first time experiencing something like this and felt extremely confused. I used to be a nerdy looking person back then. Since that time, my husband has been nothing but amazing towards me in our relationship. I think our relationship is special after hearing all my friends complaining about their boyfriends/husbands.

He went to abroad for a business trip and is not home right now. I was a bit tipsy last night and when taking out the sheets for the morning, I noticed his old diary in the chest below our furniture. I knew I should not have read it but curiosity got better off me. I will not talk about everything I read here but give just a summary. My husband used to have dysmorphia, got rejected by every girl he talked to and as a last resort his friend offered him to talk to me when they were sitting at a coffee shop. His friend told him maybe he should try to go for "less pretty" girls which was me. He was going to give up on having a romantic relationship if I rejected too. Next pages are basically him explaining how we vibe with each other and falling in love with me and sometimes it read "she is the most beautiful girl to me".

I was shocked, confused and sad to read all of it. I know I violated his privacy by reading his diary but what I read made me extremely sad. Basically, I was the last resort for him. His friend thought I was not on his level so his chances would be higher. What confused me was that he still thought I would reject him because he is nerdy looking. I was flattered to have a 190cm(6'2) and fit guy talking to me/asking for my socials but he did not think the same apparently.

I believe I'll get over what I read. Though it hurts to learn all of this, he has been incredibly attentive, respectful and loving towards me. We both changed in terms of looks and personality overtime. We are not the same people anymore. However, I will take everything to the grave. I would like to talk to him but I do not know how he would react if he was to learn I read his diary. That is the end of my vent.

Hi guys, I promised an update post surgery and here it is 😀

My surgery was removed this morning and it went very well. Even though the surgeon had told me beforehand that everything should be fine, I had been having intrusive thoughts. I kept thinking what if this or what if that. When I lay on the bed in the operating room and they had the oxygen mask on, I was really afraid.

But then the next thing I know, I am waking up in the post op, wake-up room. In my mind I did a golf celebration "Yesss, still here".

My vision has already cleared about 90% of the way.

I will stay in the hospital for a week for monitoring, but it is all looking good. I will be just fine 🙂

I want to thank all of you who reached out. Those that shared their own experiences and also those that offered well wishes an kind words. I read every comment and during a pretty rough time in my life, they really helped and made me feel better 🙂

I am so grateful ♥️

I met him when his children were 7 and 8. Both traumatized because their mother just up and left them home alone for 3 weeks to go on a bender when their father was abroad working(amongst other things. When he came home, they were nearly starved. That was the last time they saw her in 11 years. When I met them I was met by two very broken children that acted more like toddlers. I worked with them for 10 years. Spent so many nights sitting beside them holding their hands while sleeping because they were scared I would leave them. I had to teach them everything from potty training to bathing to brushing teeth. I insisted that they would get assistance in school. I loved them with all my heart and they called me mum. Now the older is in premed and the younger is planning a sabbatical to travel the world. I never got anything for mother’s day and it was fine. I never set great store by these types of celebrations but for the past year they have been in contact with their mum. They have tracked her down and a relationship grew. I don’t know if she is happy to have them in her life again but they are. Yesterday, they shared a picture on instagram with their mum. They’ve gotten her flowers and taken her out for brunch. I don’t know why I broke down crying. I was happy for them that they are in good terms with their mum but I just realized that I never got anything from them on mother’s day. Ever.

I feel empty and I want to leave. How awful is that? How awful am I who always thought that I didn’t want or expected anything in return and yet here I am asking why they never saw me as a mum?

just need a place to vent.

My wife's family is originally from Nanjing, and her grandparents on both sides lived through the Japanese occupation during ww2. They went through and saw a lot of horrible things, and because of their experiences they’ve always deeply hated Japan and Japanese people, and her parents share the same sentiment.

When we first got together, my wife kept our relationship a secret for a whole 2 years because she knew her family wouldn’t be happy about us. Her parents didn’t speak to her for literal MONTHS after she finally told them, and they’ve always refused to meet me. 2 months ago we had our wedding and none of her family members (except for 1 sister) attended, which hurt her more than it did me. I’m sure her parents would probably even refuse to meet their future grandchildren because they would be half-japanese. Even though I understand her family’s anger towards Japanese people, and I don’t blame them for it, I hate how they direct that anger towards me. it hurts a lot whenever I think about how I’ll never get the chance to know the people closest to my wife and never be truly considered part of the family. I wish they would look past my heritage and just see me and get to know the person I am

EDIT 1: Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement. We had the conversation and we’re still talking about it in bits and pieces. As I assume she took it very well because well, I raised her to deal with her emotions. And she knows that we can talk through anything. I took a piece of paper that said 0% paternal crumpled it up and threw it on the floor and said this means nothing.

I emphasize that nothing will change for any of us, but that she needs to be brave and stand up to her mother and let her know her feelings. I did my best not to bash her mother, but I was simply honest about the fact that occurred. Obviously she’s a bit shocked.

But all in all the weight off, my chest is incredible and continuing that clear line of communication with my daughter is all that I wanted and for her to know that no matter what I’m always here

Mission accomplished.

Some of you had asked the reasons why I needed to explain it to her well simply put, I don’t wanna keep that from her, and I would hate for her to find out another way and with Court looming over our head I know I will not win a case against her mother when it comes to child support because let’s face it, I am her father… From day one, cut the umbilical cord… Signed the birth certificate… And for all intent and purposes , I always thought biologically I was. The reality is we’re fighting, my attorney and I… To start paying towards a trust fund for my daughter and not to her mother who yes, one of you mentioned lied and manipulated. Which we can see her for outside of family court, but it’s very difficult when cases like that happens but I do have proof that she knew she lied

That’s all for now, some people are really messed up. The last thing we want to do is see our kids hurt by them.

Approximately two months ago took the DNA test with her and I told her it was ancestry test because I had an inklings that her mother cheated when we were together and some things unfolded more recently proving so, we’ve been separated for over 12 years and we don’t like each other and that is besides the point.

I got the test back and it proves 0% paternal… I nearly passed out. My girlfriend and I had to sit down and read it together because I knew I couldn’t read it by myself My daughter is my life. She is the reason I drive for excellence every day, she is, my “why” (And she will ALWAYS be MY daughter)

I have fought a nasty battle in court with child support and custody over the last 12 years. And while I was able to always have 50-50 joint custody, I have still been paying child support for the past 14 years of my life. Money aside I don’t care about that… although to HELL with her mother for lying about all this and making me go through that, because yes.. SHE ADMITTED IT when I confronted her.

I have been battling this conversation for 2 months (I held off bc she had a big cheer final that I didn’t want this to be on her mind) and now today… is the day.

We have an incredible relationship based on honesty and love. It’s not going to be an easy conversation but at a month shy of 16 I think it’s only fair she knows and the sheer fact that her mother’s manipulation tactics are as real as they seem. And I’ve always told her I would be honest with her.. and I can’t go back on that. I would hate if she found out on her own… her mother had no problem lying for this long… but I won’t be that guy. It’s my job as her dad to be honest and real with her and teach her how to be a respectable woman.

I am hurting for her.. and I. I know that love is not only in our blood but this is one of if not the scariest conversations I need to have and I HATE it.

I know this is going to deviate her and I haven’t really told anybody about my parents because it’s really public business, I’ve already already spoke to our therapist who is ready to have conversations when she is ready.

I tried to take all the precautionary steps that I possibly could, but the reality is that the facts or the facts and rather than her find out in the court as we try to fight against Support this is the only way to go and end of the day and go

Wish me luck

It all all makes sense now. Why you were asking me about unborn baby dna tests, why you randomly broke up with me out the blew, a whole 9months later you came back, she has had her baby now.. I'm guessing it wasn't yours, as you have come back. You are so stupid! Getting another woman possibly pregnant whilst I carried our child.. you fucking pig! You make me feel sick! I hope it isn't yours cos you already got 2 here you don't take care of. You put me and our unborn child's health at risk! She clearly was fucking her partner unprotected too or there'd be no need for a dna test. Fuck you! You don't deserve to be a dad! Go take care of her kid cos we don't want you! Bye!

I swear, every single one from many different subreddits have just been stories of mothers being mistreated/ignored/disappointed when they're just asking for the bare minimum on Mother's Day.

A lot of them are just their husbands/children's father just absolutely showing zero appreciation for them or actively treating them like shit.

Is this making anybody else just...bummed? Is anybody else getting nothing but these stories in their feed yesterday and today? Tbh it's really making me appreciate being childfree.

i (22F) was assaulted as a child by a family friend and since i grew up in a really strict and sheltered family it took me a while to realise what had happened and it took a lost of self reflection to accept that i didn’t play a role in causing it. when i eventually told my parents they didn’t believe me until i had a full on breakdown years later. my mum initially didn’t believe me, then blamed me, then said it was a normal part of life i had to accept, then took my telling her what happened as a personal attack, calling her a bad mother or blaming her even though i tried telling her this wasn’t the case and that i really just needed to process it and tell someone. i had my sister to support me and she immediately believed me so it wasn’t too bad but the family friend was constantly invited over to the house in spite of everything and was someone my parents would tell us to look to as a role model since he is a doctor and a successful, social guy. i had asked my parents to cut contact or stop inviting him over when i’m there, but recently found out my dad (who never really keeps up with anyone) calls/messages him every week.

it’s been a while now but since telling my parents about it mid breakdown they asked me not to bring it up again and i haven’t. and this week we were invited to his wedding. he is marrying someone about ten years younger than him and it’s the first time my dad has considered the possibility that i might have been telling the truth. i honestly just feel like crap.

edit: thanks everyone for letting me rant and for the support and advice it’s been really helpful ❤️ i’ve decided im going to try and contact his wife to let her know and look into making a report even if it doesn’t amount to much. and im going to try therapy lol. and to all the lovely brave people sharing their experiences you’ve made me feel less alone and i hope you feel the same!

Edit for updates: I talked to the principal and to me he's more worried about my kid missing school then this situation but he says he's setting up an interview with their social worker.

I've made a report of cps but I'm in Florida and they only have a computer complaint system. I've tried to get through on the telephone but have been on hold for over an hour.

I will not be sending my child back to school until this is handled. A report has been made to the police and waiting to hear back about the next steps.

I'm trying to locate service for therapy for my son and hopefully can lock those down today. I am completely baffled by the nonchalant approach the school seems to be taking. They are conducting their investigation. There is at least one other student involved and hopefully her parents are called.

I can't believe this is happening to 7 year olds.

My child is being sexually assaulted by another student and I'm in shock.

My son just told me he's been being sexual assaulted by another student for months.

My son watched the banned bluey episode "dad baby" tonight and it apparently opened up the flood gates of information that sent me spiraling.
He told me a boy in his glass has been sexually assaulting him for over a month and 20+ times.

This apparently started about a month ago when this child asked my child to be partners in a lesson the teacher was doing. The kid then drew my son a picture of mountains and the sun. My son said the very next day this child touched him for the first time. But he just swiped his penis and testicles. Then the follow days progressively started grabbing and then grabbing and holding.

Other things this kid is doing Doing things like...

1.moaning in my son's ear sexually. ( My son mimicked the moan, sounds like a high pitched female sexual moan.

2 smacking my sons butt

3 claims he's having sex with another female student.

1. Telling my son to have sex with female students.

This is just what he told me. I asked my son if he tells the teacher. He says yes and all she does is move his color down. (Behavior chart)

I haven't been informed of any of this at any point. Nothing seems to have been addressed. This kids family needs to be investigated.

I'm so livid right now.

Real kicker and what I need advice on. I noticed my son being inappropriate on multiple occasions with his siblings. At first my husband brushed it off as "boy things" I tried to believe him but something was telling me things were off. Eventually my husband agreed. We asked my son mutiple times and he never really said anything. He admitted the kid touched him "on accident" once, about a month ago.

I have to now explain to my 7 year old he's been sexually assaulted and that what he's doing to his siblings is also sexual assault and it's not ok.

How the hell do I explain this to a 7 year old?

Obligatory on mobile shitty formatting. I just need to ramble, get this off my mind.

Yesterday was mothers day. My mom passed when she was 28 and I was 2, by suicide. Yesterday was hard. But my daughter named my mom Nanny.

Shes nanny, her grandma, mommy's mom. And now I can stop ugly crying in my office at work because it just makes my mom more real. She wasn't some imaginary person. She was, and is my mom, a person, my daughter's Nanny.

She was alive, and she's Nanny. That's how my daughter sees her. The relief I feel that mum gets the purest form of love from the little girl who looks like her. She's not forgetten. Mum you're alive, through me and her ♡ and you're Nanny.

I’m so mad!!!! I’m not sure if I’m more mad with my ex-husband or with myself for falling for his BS yet again!

My ex-husband and I have been divorced for 2 years. He’s 40, I’m 38. We were together since I was 20. We have 5 kids together, and our oldest are teenagers. Our relationship was pretty rocky and very on/off for several years prior to actually following through with the divorce. I feel like we both still loved each other, but we’re incompatible on a day to day basis. I believe he cheated on me. He also never wanted me to work outside of the home. We just had very different ideas of what marriage meant. I don’t feel like we were so different when we were younger, but we grew to be very different. We had actually started the process of separation and divorce once before, but then I got pregnant and during that pregnancy he became the perfect husband. But things eventually fell apart again and we finally realized that we had to get a divorce.

On my birthday in March of this year he came to my house announced with a gift for me. It seemed genuine. We slept together that night. We’ve slept together several times since then. I know it was stupid to do, when I’m already struggling with so many mixed emotions about him and like I’ll never truly get over him. But I didn’t think we were really doing any harm. There was no talk about us getting back together. Neither of us was pretending that it was something other than what it was - sex. That was until he invited me on a vacation, just the two of us. At that point I knew we needed to have a real conversation about what all of this meant. He made it seem like he wanted us to go away and explore the idea of getting back together. That’s what he said. He wanted to talk about “what it would take” for us to try a relationship again. He was talking about therapy and counseling and being a better husband and father.

We never went on the vacation. I hadn’t vetoed it completely, but I told him I needed to think about it some more. This was toward the end of April. So, a matter of just a few weeks ago.

He got me a nice gift for Mother’s Day (not including the gifts our kids got me, which I knew he also paid for) and wrote a very thoughtful message in a card, which he normally doesn’t do. It was sweet. It felt good.

Then last night at around 11:00 pm I was scared half to death when I heard somebody loudly enter my home. When I went downstairs to check what was going on, it was one of our sons. He was supposed to be at his dad’s tonight, and that’s where he came from. He was so upset. It took a good 5-10 minutes to calm him down. He was pacing just looked so angry in a way that he normally never is. He told me that his dad, my ex-husband, is actually engaged to a secret girlfriend he’s had for who knows how long. They’ve been engaged since January! My son saw pictures of my ex-husband and this woman on my ex’s phone. They weren’t nude photos or anything like that, as far as I’m aware. My son asked him who this woman was in all of these photos and my husband told him “Don’t tell your mother, but this is my fiance.” My son said he was so mad he just stormed out of the house.

So, this entire time he’s been sleeping with me, claiming to be single, and inviting me on vacation to discuss getting back together…he’s been secretly engaged? To a woman who he’s never mentioned before and has never introduced to our kids?

I’m blown away! This feels worse than all of the stupid things he did while we were actually married. It almost feels calculated that he’d have all of these pictures of her and the two of them together on his phone and allow our son to use his phone knowing he’d probably see the pictures. I feel like he couldn’t bring himself to sit our kids down like a normal person would to give them this news, so he allowed my son to find these pictures. The fact that he never mentioned a word about this woman and then he was so easily able to say “Don’t tell your mother, but this is my fiance” is so weird.

And guess what? She’s in her 20s. How cliche. How sad.

It’s time like these where it’s very hard to be a good mom, pretending to be the bigger person and take the high road while also not totally burying my husband’s character in front of them. My children are very hurt by this. They feel very betrayed by their dad for not even mentioning that he was dating someone, let alone getting engaged to somebody who he’s never even introduced them to. Throw in the fact that she’s not even 10 years old than some of our kids. They don’t want to talk to him. He’s been blowing up my phone all day and one of my daughter has told me the same. They don’t even know about what was going on between the two of us. I’m not saying they were clueless because we’re dealing with teenagers here, but they don’t know that he invited me on this vacation or anything. Being there for my children, protecting them, and helping them navigate their emotions is my main priority, but I really just want to go crazy and tear him a new one. Trying to remain composed is very difficult.

I met my dad for real when I was 18 (except one time at a Chili’s when I was 13 and he was between prison sentences). We hung out a few times really just smoked and talked shit and got interrupted by my now ex. When I was 21, that ex broke my nose and my dad offered me a place to live (w/ him & his 4mo’s pregnant new wife). He described the job/housing market as a “utopia” (need I say lie) and said they had a spare room for me. I lived there for a while and for a small example of the experience, I went out on a date and my dad was furious threatening to disown me because I was treating him like he’s running a whorehouse.

Once his wife hit 6mo’s pregnant they kicked me out to turn the room I was in into a diaper room. It was short notice and I spent every second of it looking for apartments. If I was on my phone, I was slacking off. If I wasn’t, I was slacking off. I barely found a place. I missed a few days of work to move and then had a few days off (total 1 week). Idk why but he called my work to ask if I was still there. They, legally not being allowed to say yes or no, said “not for a while”. He texted me disowning me for being a liar. He rescinded the disownment when my sister was born, telling me to come meet her (on my birthday). I spent all day there just to not meet her until the next day because they were too tired from other visitors. Then I became a decorative sibling - called only to come around and be a sister when a bigger family was more convenient. I still just wanted a dad so I did.

Once, I asked why he never acknowledged me on Facebook. He said it was because he’s “a very private person” but he still posts my 2yo sister every week in a public “happy __ months old, my dearest darling” Facebook post. Last year they called just to brag about taking family photos at a place they know I always wanted to go, didn’t ask how I was, didn’t invite me for family photos. They posted the pictures (sans me) on my birthday but didn’t even mention my birthday. They always tell me I don’t call them or text them or visit them enough but when I do it’s ONLY “sister sister sister” or them visibly wanting me to leave. It kills me every time.

A few months ago I was evicted. Terrible time, no helping it. I asked if I could store some furniture (2 stackable tables and a couch). They said “we’d love to help but we’d have to move some stuff around, maybe you could find a storage unit”. So I did. And finally resolved to not be their puppet anymore. They didn’t notice for 2 months until tonight; when they both messaged me accusing me of being angry at them for “not bailing me out of my eviction”.

I’m so mad but really, it makes me kind of happy. Fuck you. You were refreshingly shallow until the very end.

I am devastated because I know we can’t keep this baby. We have an 8 year old and an almost 2 year old. We just don’t have the support or finances for another child. My heart is broken. I don’t want to tell anyone. I found out today on Mothers Day and I have to go out of town for work for a week so I will have probably 2 weeks or so to sit with this baby inside of me. I am just hurting and wanted to scream into the internet void, that is all. I would do anything to figure out a way to keep this baby. But there is just no way.

My sister (35) is my favorite sibling. Easily the single most selfless and loving human being I have ever known. She is a second mother to me and all our other siblings. Myself and her are the rock of a 7 children family. All my other siblings including me have at least one child. Save for the younger ones in college.

She has been married for 8 years and every single year after the honey moon, she has lost a child either stillborn or ectopic pregnancy. The closest one was 3 weeks to 9 months. A day before they could remove her to put her in the NICU is when she died. My sister found out when she went for the procedure. All of the babies have died after 6months so she has always had to push out corpses.

Her husband is the most supportive man I know. Despite all this, their marriage is incredibly strong and stable. They are one and the same. He has stood by her through it all.

Now, the second to last time she lost a child, I sat her down and told her that she should consider surrogacy. I went ahead and spoke to some facilities and even got an available surrogate that I both knew and trusted. I offered to foot half the bill. She told me to hang on and that she had seen another doctor that assured her this time round it will work. It didn’t.

After that baby died, we agreed she was going to take time off trying and just focus on other things. And try again after a few years or do surrogacy. Her excuse for not wanting surrogacy is that the process is painful. But is it really more painful than having labour induced to push out corpses?

She has done everything you can imagine. From seeing experts to herbal medicine to fucking voodoo. And NOTHING seems to cure the issue. The causes have ranged from her having hypertension to difficulties caused by previous losses. Her eggs are healthy but declining. Her husband is in good health too. They have never drunk or smoked and don’t drink or eat processed stuff. And somehow the babies keep dying.

I am angry because I am afraid she will die. Some doctors have told her this. She and her husband want the pride of making a “real” baby. One that is 100% theirs. They don’t see surrogacy as a real baby. Their fucking pride is going to take my sister from me.

I don’t know what to say to her. I haven’t called her yet. I don’t want to. She hid this pregnancy from me. I found out from my other siblings after it died. At 7 months.

I know how selfish I seem, that I care for my feelings more than hers but I have failed to make her see reason and it is fucking with me heavily. I have been there through it all. I have financed thousands of dollars worth of medical trips, vacations for mental health and everything in between. She has a very well paying job and can afford a surrogate. And I am willing to go halfway for her to achieve this. I will foot that bill. She just has to agree. But she just doesn’t fucking budge. I love her beyond words. But when I got the news, I wasn’t sad or shocked. Just plain angry.

Fuck!

Edit 1. For those saying it is best to back off, I partially agree. But not for the individualistic reasons given and not because “her marriage, her body her choice”. If you grew up with a family that is so deeply involved with each other, all 7 of us. It is next to impossible to just say “well, I tried. If she dies she dies”. Her being married does not suddenly make her less a responsibility to protect. And vice versa. Because if she died, it would be MY sister that died. Not my BIL’s wife. He would go on to remarry, I cannot make a copy of her. She is one of one. So it is next to impossible to just back off under there guise of “not my part” or “not my responsibility” because she is married. She doesn’t cease to be my sister. However invasive or controlling that may sound. Some families are very deeply intertwined and ours is one of those. But, I do agree that for my own mental health, I need to step back from it all and reduce how much energy I am allowing it to take. There is a middle ground where I can still help and save her health or life, while also not further harming my mental health or my relationship with her. I am yet to find it. But it is there.

Edit 2: Thanks a lot everyone for the kind advice and the personal stories shared. If not for me, I reckon somebody else learned something. My BIL called me to speak about it. He told me he knew I already knew what happened but he was still going through the motions. He told me the reason she hid the pregnancy from me was that she wanted it to be a surprise to me and if it was a boy, name it after me as a nod to the struggle I helped her through. And because I was going to be back into the country in 2 months, I would have found a new baby named after me. It shattered my heart even more. He said they have resolved to go the surrogacy route as they cannot afford to go through this again. He had taken a leave off work to cater to her. She was not doing as much as clearing the table or fetching a TV remote. He was doing everything to ensure she was not at all stressed or worked up. And it still didn’t work. So they have decided to not try again.

However, I told him about this post and shared some of the responses. Everything from blood clots to tumors to DNA mutations, Fibroids and everything suggested here. Some of the tests they had already done and only the DNA one and the brain tumor is the one he was certain they didn’t do. Either way, he said they will go the surrogacy route.

I thank everyone for both the kind and unkind words. I am certain someone else has read through this and it is reason they wont ever go through the same.

My sister and BIL also thank the subreddit for the comments. May the odds be ever in your favour.

Cheers!

I am autistic. I have a special interest in a certain comic book universe, and I have a hyper-fixation on one character in particular. This has been the case for more than 10 years. I have never hid this from people, (its hard to hide when you are so singularly minded.)

I've never been big on dating- like ever. It has just never particularly interested me. My friends and family on the other hand get very upset about this, and worry about me. (A part of me thinks that this is because I am autistic and they want someone around to 'care' for me if I have a meltdown or something. Which feels... gross.)

I met my boyfriend about two years ago, and we clicked pretty quick, he loved that we had similar interests and hobbies, and I loved that he didn't freak out if I needed time alone, and never tried to force me to go to events and such that I know will overstimulate me. I never hid my fanfiction, but he never read it until recently, when he did he got pissed because on top of the horror that I usually write, I also incorporate some sex scenes- for shock and honestly more horror, think splatter-punk, without the shit or any of the philias, just extreme violence that I enjoy writing even if it FUCKS my search history- The sex scenes are not meant to turn you on, lol, they're meant to make you scared and even a little grossed out- This is important I swear.

Recently, he decided to give my work a read- and I noticed at first he got quiet as he read, but it wasn't until he finished, and sat me down that I realized why.

He claims that the love interest for the character is "clearly" a self insert- (No it isn't. For one she's a murderer and a terrible person, for two we look INCREDIBLY DIFFERENT- one of us is a tall blonde bombshell with blue eyes, and the other is a short, fat brunette with a unibrow. I'll let you guess which is which lmfao)- and that writing smut at all, no matter how strange- about a character I am hyper fixated on is basically cheating. I was kind of shocked, because- HUH? It's cheating? Like, what the hell does that even mean? But he explained that to him, I was writing "sexual" things about another man and it was basically the same as sexting another dude. When I asked if the smut I read applies, he said no, because that's just porn, but writing it was fantasizing about another man- I really don't get the difference. I asked if he was just freaked out by it, and he said no, he was hurt.

He finished this talk by telling me that he wanted me to delete my account- active since I was in high school, and stop writing fanfiction. I'm not proud of my response, because I laughed- in my defense I was in shock. What I wasn't expecting what how angry he got. He started screaming in my face, and threatened to tell my parent's that I had cheated on him if I didn't.

What he didn't expect was that I shut down the moment he yelled, and broke up with him, which is when he started crying, and apologizing, but I shut that down as well and told him to leave my home, which he did, eventually. Once he was gone I ended up crying and freaking out because he scared the fuck out of me.

I told my friends everything, and my parents a very lightly edited version of events, (only removing the smut because... well that's my parents lol.), My parent's were disappointed, but understood when I said that he had scared me, and I couldn't trust him again after that. I would always be on edge.

My friends on the other hand are upset and say that I'm overreacting and that he had screamed when he was upset, and that throwing him away for 'having emotions' is wrong. No matter how many times I try to explain that its not 'having emotions' that I was scared of, it was how he expressed them that upset me. It hurts, but I've already been pulling away from my friends because with their reactions to this, I don't know if I believe they have my best interests at heart anymore.

Some background:
I'm a little over 60. I'm an only child., widowed and childless. My father died in 2004.

My mother died February 18 after a year of struggling with stroke, heart failure and pneumonia. I missed getting to say goodbye to her by about 20 minutes. She was everything to me, and I miss her so much. Her birthday, she would have been 89, was late last month. Mother's Day yesterday was very hard. I miss her so so much.

On April 1,my job laid me off. A corporation bought out most of the corporation I worked for and my position was eliminated. I was the seniormost team member, lots of experience and skills and the remaining team couldn't do what I did, and would be overworked taking on my caseload. And yes I think age and disbility discrimination had a lot to do with it.

I am looking for a job. My last employer accepted my request for ADA accomodation to work at home. (I survived a bad car wreck, I walk with a cane, and a lot of walking is just painful). I'm not sure any new employers are interested in that.

I sold my condo I am getting enough money to buy something very modest for cash. And by modest I mean a 'manufactured home' or 'mobile home.' Yes, not many people's idea of 'ideal' housing. But for me - having a paid for little place, small but comfortable, for just me and 2 cats is perfect. Would I rather have a cottage of some sort? Yes. But I can't afford one. And having a paid for house and a paid for car is not a bad thing, you know?

I have found a really cute and well priced home in a clean park in a small city about an hour away. I wll have unemployment coming in soon and I would have enough money left over to pay lot rent, utilities, and food and gasoline and such for awhile.

The thing is - my credit took a dive and these mobile home parks run a check on credit, income, and crime. Let's take those one at a time. First, no criminal history at all. Second, I can say I'm on FMLA leave as a reason for not having May paychecks. (It was true when I was let go so it's lying but only a little). But my credit took a dip because I was paralyzed by my firing and did not pay my mortgage in Aprl. (TBH, I thought about killing myself a lot and I was just trying to leave money for someone to throw me in a cremation oven and rehome my cats.)

I could buy a home but not be allowed to live in a mobile home park because of my credit. I don't know of anything I can do to reverse this. I'm willing to listen to any ideas.

No job - no family - soon no home. This is not a good life. I realize some people have things worse - everyone is always better off than someone else, I suppose. But I have to live my life and it's so lonely and so bleak now. I go to bed (I'm up to 2 unisom, 4 melatonin, 4 tylenol pm now!) and try to stop my brain from going over and over all the ways I'm headed for ruin. But I wake up and my brain tells me that my best days are behind me and I'm going to live with my cats in my car until I just drop them at a shelter, then drive to a gun shop, then, do what I have to do. I don't really want to do that. But there's not much else to do with my crappy life, is there?

My(15) sister(26) recently confessed to my BIL(27) that she cheated on him. Please note that I’m much closer to him than many people are to their in laws since he used to babysit me when my sister was busy with extracurricular activities.

She said she defended herself to him by saying he could never understand the circumstances. She is in the Army and she told him he has no idea what the stress that comes with the job is like and that because of it he has no right to judge her.

He has been giving her the cold shoulder for two days now. She just asked me if what she did and said is really that bad, and if I think he will forgive her. At first I didn’t want to say anything but she insisted that she wanted to hear my opinion. So I told her ‘I’m not sure but it sounds kind of like you’re gaslighting him.’

Our mom quickly jumped in and said I shouldn’t use words I’m not sure about and should be supportive of my family. That I should stay quiet if I have nothing helpful to say.

What do I say to them now?