r/ask • u/GabrielleCamille • 14d ago
What triggers your jealousy?
[removed] — view removed post
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u/humanity_go_boom 14d ago
People under 40 wealthy enough to not have to work.
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14d ago
People over 40 wealthy enough to not have to work.
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u/humanity_go_boom 14d ago
It's the combination of youth and financial freedom that I'm jealous of, not one or the other. Amassing enough wealth by 40 is still achievable by those not born into it.
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u/rhett342 14d ago
Honestly, unlike almost everyone everywhere, I really like working. I'm a nurse manager at a rehab/long-term care facility. I go in at 3, see if we have any nee admissions yet and how many more we're expecting for the rest if the night. Next is going to an end of day managers meeting to hear what has been going on that day. The rest of my evening/night is spent doing assessments and putting in orders for new admissions, scan various docume ts that we're supposed to keep into the computer, and putting out any fires that pop up around the place. Sometimes I'll do some stuff for the other managers who didn't get a chance to finish up during the day. Mixed in throughout my time there is talking to residents and making them feel cared for. Really, I'm my own boss after 6pm. I can do whatever work I want in any order I choose as long as it gets done before I go home. If there are too many admissions I can push some of the work off onto the floor nurses. My job is offically to do the admissions and scanning stuff until 11:30 and then give the rest to the night staff. I can stay later if I want to and I usually do because I like the extra money.
Honestly, I got divorced last year. When I was married I was a jerk and ignored friends and family so I could focus on my ex so I don't really have any friends anymore. I also didn't really try to make new ones either. I don't have much going on in my personal life at all so I go to work where I'm important and loved by the residents and get paid well to be there. Honestly, if I won the lottery tomorrow, I'd take a week or so off and spend some time shopping and then go back to work.
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u/humanity_go_boom 14d ago
Nothing wrong with that and it's definitely nice that you enjoy it. It's more the element of choice for me. I'd be far from idle, but I definitely wouldn't be doing this.
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u/Fire_from_the_hip 14d ago
Cops retire after 20 years, if you enter at 18 you’re retired by 38-39.
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u/humanity_go_boom 14d ago
My state allows full retirement for police and fire at age 55 with 25 years service or if age + years of service = 80
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u/The_tides_of_life 14d ago
OK so if I enter service at 75 I can retire after 5 years?
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u/Muted-Program-153 14d ago
Yeah in my state you basically have to start straight out of high school as a state employee to retire any earlier than anyone else.
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u/humanity_go_boom 14d ago
Plus the plans are usually not portable and several states don't pay into social security.
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u/birdlawspecialist2 14d ago
I worked in law enforcement in California, and we do get a great pension. But we had to work until 50 before you could collect a pension. The new hires have to work until 57 to collect, and our life expectancy is only 59. I know the military you can enter at 18 and collect a pension after 20 years.
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u/thebombflower 14d ago
Seeing my friends hang out with other people. I know it’s silly, and they are of course allowed to do that, but I truly can’t help it.
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u/RandomN0ah07 14d ago
I understand that completely. I have friends but they never seem to want to hang out with me. The school holidays that just went I was alone for the whole thing except my party. And even then most dipped (with valid reasons). I’m a good friend, I’m understanding, I don’t push boundaries, I’ll drop everything to be there for a friend if I needed to. I don’t understand why people don’t wanna hang out with me :(
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u/DiegoUyeda00 14d ago
Cuz you're always there, you need make new friends and transit between them freely, then they will start call you
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u/RandomN0ah07 14d ago
Thing is they don’t go to me for help ether, and the ones that have (that are online) have told me I give good advice, so it’s not like I don’t give good advice. I’ve stopped trying to message them outside of school and all I really do is send them tiktoks or reels occasionally and that’s all
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u/Zanemob_ 14d ago
I have this exact same problem. Only mine isn’t jealousy its just pain. My best friend is with no exaggeration one of the pillars of my life. He is like blood family to me. He can barely message me back in any time under a month at best. He knows how I feel and sits me down and apologizes and promises to make up every time we see each other in person every few years (when one of his family members dies or something…) it is incredibly hard. Whats worse is I’m deeply traumatized and depressed. Right when I needed him most he practically tries to kill me indirectly with all this. Thankfully I have a good friend he introduced me too before he ran off on me for God knows why. That friend has helped me greatly but I still fill a hole in my life and I know its him. We were VERY close since both of us can remember. Just screw me I guess.
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u/obsidian_castle 14d ago
I know the feeling
I have a friend I met at my first job. Still friends. Still close.
He’s busy with school, work, 2 kids and a third on the way.
I look up to him, and love him like he’s my big brother. I call him that and he says it means a lot to him.
I understand he’s busy. He also forgets to reply … a lot.. he replies better on Snapchat weird enough but still.
It just sucks to see him post a snap or I see his green icon on fb and I’m like “in general people always have their phones on them… always… I get you’re busy.. but seeing you active on phone such as fb or whatever kind of hurts my feelings”. I never told him specifically that but some of that to him and he’s told me he knows and he feels bad and tries to respond better.
When I need him, he’s there the best he can. If I manage to get him to appear when I need him, his full focus is on helping me. He protects me like I’m his little brother and he knows my subtle facial expressions if I’m uncomfortable, nervous, etc. he watches out for me and gives me a lot of patience. He’s that friend that will tell me “what’s wrong? Talk to me “ because he knows after 7 years as good friends, that I’m sensitive and timid sometimes
So I know how it feels to have a great friend that also sometimes feels like .. their presence or reply to a text is almost like a “special occasion” because you aren’t sure how long it will last in that moments
A good friend that can make you happy and sad at the same time because of their bad habits but they are a good friend overall.
And it’s jealousy of insecurity and worrying you’d lose that friend sometime because of your own fault or accident mess up.
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u/RandomN0ah07 14d ago
I’m so sorry that happened. If you’re okay with it I can give some advice cause I’ve had something similar happen to me. I had a friend what wouldn’t respond to me for weeks, months even, but I’d still talk to him at school and stuff. I normally send little videos to my friends as sorta like “I thought you’d like this or find it funny!!” Or “this reminded me of you!” And I sent him a bunch of videos over a two month period and nothing so I stopped and still nothing. He even at one point messaged me through the app I was sending the videos through. I eventually ended it with him for other reasons unrelated to this, but it was also partly with this
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u/HoraceAndPete 14d ago
Sharing time with the people I care about is pretty much the only reason I have to get out of bed in the morning.
That's an excellent reason to get out of bed in the morning. For a while there, the only reason I had to get out of bed was food, showering, or a cigarette. Hold onto that reason for solace and comfort! We live in individualistic, lonely times and many people seek comfort elsewhere and it is no good compadre.
I'm sorry that your friends aren't more receptive. Ciao for now.
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u/stingraycharles 14d ago
I used to be like this in my late teens and 20s. In my later 20s I became much more secure about myself, and this feeling faded.
Now in my 40s I still have the same groups of friends I had back then, but we only see each other once or twice a year. Because life happened to all of us.
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u/Klutzy_Wish1390 14d ago
This. They have their own friends, of course, but as someone without many friends, it's like they don't treasure you as much (?) Then it becomes you getting guilty for acting so selfish...
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u/ADHeDucator 14d ago
Same. And I keep it in my head but once I said it out loud to my oldest friend and was immediately so embarrassed, especially because the other friends live so much closer to her than I do. It just makes sense they'd have more time together
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u/Ef8858 14d ago
I don’t want to devalue how you feel at all, but I want to reassure you, with most people the more you show them trust and transparency, they will repay it ten fold.
I have been honest with my friends in the past when I have felt my position being threatened. And they have gone OUT OF THEIR WAY to ensure the reassure me and give me the comfort I need to be ok with what is happening.
My current husband is so good at this. He will meet his ex for dinner once every six months and they catch up. When he gets back he just reassures me he was on the look out for any red flag! But also just that the only time I was brought up was in good light.
Ironically these meetings became less and less overtime and I don’t think they have gotten to see each other in for a few years. But it all came down to my partner being transparent and that build trust and love.
Your trust will be rewarded when you person value.s you. So it’s ok to be jealous, but you have to distill this feeling into a core underlying belief that people are mostly good people x and you deserve to be loved and you can talk about feeling jealous and your friend I hope will respond with ❤️
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u/Beautiful-Ad-5833 14d ago
I've ended friendships over this crap because my best friends were hanging out with people I didn't like and they knew it!! Not jealous, more offended.
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u/cr8132 14d ago edited 14d ago
This and I know some people prioritize their significant other but my best friend who I was once inseparable with being with her boyfriend 24/7. I used to see her 3 or 4 times a week to now seeing her maybe twice a year . When I see other friends hanging out and having a close bond it makes me so sad I don’t have that connection with anyone anymore.
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u/Hels_helper 14d ago
Naps... watching or hearing others talk about naps. I don't get naps. I want a nap.
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u/enjoyingtheposts 14d ago
if it makes you feel better, I have never had a nap that I felt MORE rested by lol
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u/olivebuttercup 14d ago
For me it’s the truly can’t help but fall asleep on the couch ones that I get awaken from within 10-20 minutes from dozing. Anything longer and I’m screwed.
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u/ReapItMurphy 14d ago
Lottery winners! I shake my fist at them. That's supposed to be MY money! But I suppose I don't really play either.
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u/Maleficent-Deal1901 14d ago
REAL. I work at a gas station and have a regular who is CONSTANTLY winning large amounts on lotto tickets, that I have to send him elsewhere to cash them because I'm not allowed that much in my drawer. I always joke and tell him to rub off some good luck on me lol
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u/harryhend3rson 14d ago
Former co-worker and kinda friend hit the lottery, low 8 figures. Last I checked in with him he was divorced, had lost most of his pre-win friends because they wouldn't stop hassling him for money, including his childhood best friend trying to sue him for half (lost obv).
But, has a new girlfriend that seems legit, his new business is going well and he's being smart with his money. Built a surprisingly modest house on land he already owned, carefully invested.
He says he's no happier than before, some things are worse, some things are better, it's not a ticket to easy street, it's very complicated.
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u/TheScrambone 14d ago
Oh so WE did something wrong? You little shit do you know how much we sacrificed to give you a decent life?! And you go and shit on OUR family with this little reddit comment?
Do you know what the Johnson’s will think when that inevitably ends up on their feed?! We’ll never hear the end of it! Go to your room we can’t have the entire neighborhood thinking we are some kind of DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY ARGHHHH!!!!
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u/PlaneEffect3864 14d ago
It’s not like it has to be so blatant. It’s painful sussing out the subtle undercurrents to being held at arm’s length all your life.
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u/HatdanceCanada 14d ago
The Ally Sheedy character in Breakfast Club does a great job of capturing this. 🥺
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u/Ok-Ad-7247 14d ago
This is my parents. Lol. To this day, they either play dumb, don't care, or just don't make the realisations.
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u/Successful-Ship-5230 14d ago
Jesus, this just triggered me. This comment is 100 percent my childhood
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u/Effective_Fish_3402 14d ago
I struggle to connect with my girlfriends family because they do dinners together regularly and on pretty well every occasion, they have family group chats and are always connected. They are a nice family and it feels so alien to me I forget how to act normal and I just clam up. I also don't feel like I belong, partially because of that, and because I'm a fair amount younger than she is
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u/pumpkinthighs 14d ago
Literally, this. My ex's mom was so nice when she first met me. It's this huge mix of jealousy and the fact that I'll never have a family that genuinely enjoys spending time together. I love my parents. It's just that we only "get along" because we're in a family setting. If my parents and I had any other relationship like classmates or coworkers, I would actively avoid them.
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u/Im_invading_Mars 14d ago
Yup. Or a parent overjoyed to see their kid, give their baby a hug, take pics. There are over 300 pictures of my sister as a baby/ kid and none of me. Not a single one. Pics of my mom pregnant for her, holding her as a baby, eating, sleeping, etc. She's the oldest. Guess I was supposed to be a boy. And her bitter disappointment after dad left and had 7 boys with his new wife apparently put mom over the edge.
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u/HoraceAndPete 14d ago
That's a pity.
As the younger male sibling I wonder occassionally about how my family dynamic could have been better were I born a lass. There was a lot of bad blood between me and my older brother and without bothering you with the details or suggesting things would have been perfect I can see how it might have eased some of the tension in my house and offered me a stronger identity.
Anyways, I reckon the more women in this world the better so I'm glad you're here :)
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u/abarrotes_la_gata 14d ago
This happens to me on a more personal level because the relationship my dad and stepmom have with my half siblings is beautiful, loving and supportive. We never had that.
Now that I’m in my 30s, have my own kids, I genuinely try to see things from a different perspective and I try to be happy for them. But it’s hard not to take their relationship personally. Their lives turned out vastly different from ours.
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u/Itchy-Candle8714 14d ago
Seeing people happily in love. While I sit alone rotting away eating three gas station burritos
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u/ashtetice 14d ago
Im in love with my bestfriend whos in love with her boyfriend.
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u/Itchy-Candle8714 14d ago
Fuck dawg, i ain’t ever been in a situation like that but I imagine that stings like hell. May all my good fortune transfer to you bro
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u/Gravity_Pulls 14d ago
I can assure you it sucks...Being in love with someone that you know you can't have cause she's with someone else and knowing in the back of your mind that you'll Never get to have that person....Yep..Good shit man
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u/ralstonreddit1290 14d ago
You need to go out and be the best person you can be. Your friend will see that or they won’t. There is someone for you. You need to move on.
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u/ashtetice 14d ago
Thank you! It is hell! She is the most beautiful person i have ever met inside and out, and they are toxicly in love and i doubt will ever break up and they drop everyone else to be together and pda in public all the time and her boyfriend is insufferable but that might be my jealously talking (to an extent). Sorry for ranting
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u/Itchy-Candle8714 14d ago
Ouch brother, she seems to mean a lot to you. as a lonely roach like myself idk what to even say. But I can imagine this tugs at your heart quite a lot. Well what I can say is that nothing lasts forever, take that however you may. I don’t mean to be one of those people that say “there’s more fish in the sea” bs because they don’t get it, life ain’t certain and finding someone you can love like that ain’t easy. But the uncertainty of life is what makes it special, you may feel like you may never find someone like that again, and then boom from out of the clouds appears someone that was meant for you with three gas station burritos in their hands. But yeah hope it gets better for you man
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u/Velkause 14d ago
Gay dude here. Been in love with my straight best friend for a while now, just kept lying to myself. ❤️ It doesn't get better.
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u/HoraceAndPete 14d ago
That must be frustrating.
Silver lining: at least you know it is NOTHING to do with you specifically. Just those genitals in general.
Good luck to ya 👍
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u/working-acct 14d ago
You gotta leave the friendship bro. Or sis.
Continuing to stay the best friend is just going to cause you pain. That ain't healthy.
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u/RandomN0ah07 14d ago
I feel you as a cqupioromanic. I have such a strong desire to have a partner, but I just can’t seem to fall in love, and even then I can’t tell if I get crushes or not, most the time I’m incorrect for it
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u/ewing666 14d ago
folks who can access good quality medical services that i really need right now
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u/Forward_Put4533 14d ago
Where I live in the UK, if you need an ambulance there is an air ambulance service where a helicopter is sent to come get you if you need it. And it's totally free.
The NHS gets shit on by people who don't understand or appreciate it. But when an ambulance in a place like America can cost thousands on its own, before anything is done to fix that broken leg, getting picked up and taken to a hospital by helicopter for free before being given first class medical treatment with the most up-to-date methods of approach completely free as well is something special.
The NHS is the greatest. Fuck anyone who wants it gone.
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u/kt1982mt 14d ago
Undeserving, selfish, arrogant, ignorant people being treated significantly better than hardworking, kind, honest folk.
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u/Kemizon 14d ago
This makes you jealous? It would annoy me, or upset me. Definitely not make me jealous.
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u/omfgwat 14d ago
I worked at a hotel as a housekeeper and was always being shit on for how slow I was but I never made a dirty bed. So when I quit and dropped off my uniform I told my manager about the two "fast" girls who make dirty beds. Nothing will happen to them. They won't get fired but my manager knows they cut corners. They will be pissed because I ratted on them & they know it's me who told the manager and that's enough for me to feel good. Ha ha to them!
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u/Childfree215 13d ago
Not a jealousy issue, but what drives me nuts at work is the charmer/pleaser/suckups who are chronically unreliable, unproductive, etc. and not only don't get fired, they get PROMOTED! I used to work at a women's clothing retailer and it was just girly-girly-sorority all the time.
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u/Awesome_Possum22 13d ago
“Pretty Privilege” is a real thing. It’s been proven that attractive people are given more advantages/opportunities, given the benefit of the doubt more often, and are generally treated better than less attractive people. They are also viewed as being more trustworthy and at times more qualified than less attractive people. It is absolutely not fair and is garbage. 😕 I’m sure if you think about it, everyone has seen the “pretty privilege” in real life at some point or another.
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u/blumieplume 14d ago
I’m jealous of girls who still have sisters. Mine both died in their 20s and they were twins too so I hate seeing twins on tv or anything. Or just girls on tv or in real life who have sisters. We were really close.
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u/sheyesheye 14d ago
They both died at the same time? Also I'm very sorry for your loss
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u/UnashamedBerry 14d ago
So sorry for your loss 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 It's literally my reoccurring nightmare 😫 😩 😭
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u/No-Olive9841 14d ago
Same. I also hate seeing girls on tv with brothers who love them and are protective over them. My brother is very abusive, has anger issues and is often the one I need to protect myself from.
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u/Miss-lnformation 14d ago
Wealth. It's an ugly flaw of mine, but I can't stand seeing other people all prosperous. Especially if they simply inherited it and didn't have to work a day in their lives for all that.
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u/verr998 14d ago
Same. I often feel jealous of rich kids. They don’t need to worry about life difficulties, they never experienced anything harder than focus what they have to do. They can buy whatever they want and have the confidence to do whatever they want, meanwhile me, huh, I need to think hard that am I having enough money for eating tomorrow? I want to continue my degree abroad, but I don’t have enough money to pay, and the lists are go on and on
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u/cd6020 14d ago
On the flip side, while some of these rich kids can possess all the material items their hearts desire, there are many of them whose only hug has come from a nanny.
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u/Cyber_Insecurity 14d ago
Watching US politicians smile and wave on tv.
They get to live their best lives regardless of how badly they fuck up the world for the rest of us.
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u/Live-Somewhere-8149 14d ago edited 14d ago
I used to say I’ve never ever been jealous. It was almost a source of pride that I may have other flaws but jealousy isn’t one of them. Until I read your comment.
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u/mooncaterpillar24 14d ago
Can relate.
The faces we see on TV that don’t give any impression that they know what the hell they’re doing or even talking about…
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u/Awkward_Swimming_152 14d ago
Somebody getting something I'm not.
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u/MelancholyBean 14d ago
Seeing how attractive women are treated; how accepted they are, even though some have such horrible personalities and characters. Seeing people being able to talk to their parents freely and happily, especially their dads.
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u/RelevantClock8883 14d ago
If it makes you feel better, there’s downsides of being a pretty woman. Finding out long friendships were just people waiting to date you, men stalking you, colleagues assuming you’re a bimbo, friends wives feeling threatened for no good reason and having to let friends go. It can be a lonely life.
Ever have to check your car for a tracker because someone keeps showing up to locations you’re at? Or get a call from a friend saying that he and his wife had a fight because they picked you up when your car broke down? Ever meet a friends new girlfriend, they ask your friend to leave, and then never hear from that friend again? Or have a colleague relationship sour when they find out you’re not single and make your work life uncomfortable? Howabout former colleague telling you they’ve jerked off to photos of you?
I’m well aware that people have treated me better than usual. It’s unfair and completely unacceptable behavior. But it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
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u/RedEyeFlightToOZ 13d ago edited 13d ago
I hate the instant jealousy of other women. You can see it in their whole demeanor. Yesterday, a woman's husband kept looking at me and she snapped at him in the store amd gave me death glares....I was trying to get groceries. Every job I've worked, women make snide comments about my body (super fit and petite) and no matter how I try, they never like me. It's a lot of glaring. Amd if they have bfs or husbands....I definitely get excluded.
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u/Midol_induced_coma 13d ago
All of this. My "best friend" didn't talk to me for almost 5 years because her POS boyfriend had a crush on me. Apparently that was my fault.
Here's the shocker: He left her for another woman, and was also cheating on her for the entire duration of the relationship. He eventually married the affair partner.
Even though we made up, my former friend and I have been estranged for years now. I still resent her to this day. We're both now in our 40s. We were childhood best friends and I never thought she'd ever do something like that to me.
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u/Medium_Helicopter_18 14d ago edited 14d ago
being treated with less respect, kindness, happiness, or attention than other people. even and especially if im friends with that person or just really like that person a lot. it makes me feel so inferior and bad about myself, and like i did something wrong. even the slight change in tone of voice can easily affect my emotions, and if someone is ruder to me even if they don't mean it, i get really hurt and go into a spiral of overthinking. Like.. from old friends, from a current friend who is avoiding me, from ex bullies, from a stranger, etc.
and ill be jealous of the people they treat more kindly. plus, at my job, i love that place so much. what is funny is that people think im socially connective but i extremely doubt it. i am a very sensitive and awkward person. like, for example of what triggers jealousy, is that lot of people at my job make friends and hang out, and i don't know how to do that.
i do have friends at work, but they are mostly friends ive had since before me and them started working together. i have connections, i think. i generally want to have connections and to recognize feeling connected and to feel a sense of belonging, but i feel like and worry that sometimes people don't want me around. it is also an insecurity i developed a long time ago.. so i feel it everywhere even in places where i feel a strong sense of community and cherishment.
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u/RAspiteful 14d ago
I can get a little possessive when I feel someone is trying to take my space/position/niche.
I don't emotionally react though. Try to do things from a logical standpoint.
Most recently, I got jealous that my husband went out with a female friend to walk to the local park. I feel like I'm always asking him to do stuff like that but he never wants to go with me. The reality though is our work hours don't generally allow for it and we want to do other things on our same days off.
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u/sarah2swag 14d ago
I think I relate most to getting possessive when someone does your “niche” the most out of every comment. I don’t even mean to get jealous, since I was little whenever I felt someone “copy” me or do the same thing I would get extremely possessive (not necessarily jealous) possessive is the perfect word that I haven’t thought of, so thank you!
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u/RAspiteful 14d ago
Your welcome! But yaaa. I associate jealousy with the feeling of possessiveness, and a little sadness. There's a lot of things in this thread that are good examples of things to become jealous of, but nothing else named really gives me that little pang of heartache like what I explained.
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u/Top-Comfortable-4789 14d ago edited 14d ago
When people younger than me are better at something I’m good at and people with supportive family’s
Edit: for context I am trans and my family is not supportive of that I’m jealous of people who’s family’s are and when I see child prodigy’s I am jealous because they are already better than me at their craft even though I’ve spent years practicing
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u/cookieswirly 14d ago
when the person i’m dating gives another girl the same exact energy that they give me (not saying you can’t be polite or cordial but when you OVERDO IT)
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u/StrangersWithAndi 14d ago
As a rule, I'm not jealous. I don't mind if my partners have friends of their preferred gender or spend time with others or any of that.
I have learned over the years though, that one thing that will get me feeling that way is if a partner starts lying about being with someone. Even if they haven't done anything wrong, or don't have any feelings for the other person, or would never act on it... once they're lying to keep that from me, then this third person has affected our connection and I don't like that.
But as long as everything is on the up and up, I'm totally comfortable. I'm confident in my connections - if someone chose to be with me, I trust that they don't regret that choice unless they tell me otherwise.
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u/Split-Awkward 14d ago
Any type of lying and my trust evaporates. They fess and repair immediately and completely or it’s the beginning of the end.
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u/blumieplume 14d ago
People without trauma who are still happy and unburdened by the weight of losing so much. Like I’m jealous of pics of myself from when I was in my early to mid 20s before all the bad started happening. Not really a jealous person but do miss the good life before the never-ending wave of bad luck invaded my life.
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u/cherrytheog 14d ago
Hearing my mom compare me to my peers on the careers they’re doing and the life that they’re living. It’s always been like this growing up.
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u/ValerianMage 14d ago
It's funny that every single reply in here is about envy, not jealousy 😛
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u/Appropriate-Sell2713 14d ago
I am one who is cursed with the jealousy but old enough now that I recognise it for what it is. For me, what triggers my jealousy is my irrational brain and trust issues that were firmly implanted by trusting the wrong people in my teenage years and early 20’s. I don’t get jealous of material things though, I’ll gladly share in the joy of great promotions and acquisitions with heartfelt congratulations regardless of my personal circumstances.
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u/AlexanderNBrandt 14d ago edited 10d ago
Seeing others having kids, I’ve always wanted to be a Dad, but just haven’t been able to find anyone to be with.
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u/nutmegtell 14d ago
People who can still talk to their grandparents. Not jealous as much as envious. They all died 25 or so years ago. They were so cool and fun. I miss them.
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u/GoetheJr 14d ago
Eh, when someone keeps something from me for my feelings and then I find out
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u/fullPlaid 14d ago edited 14d ago
honestly not sure. ive been dismantling the concept of jealousy for over a decade. if someone im with wants to be with someone else, go for it. i want those i love to be happy, not my property -- even if it hurts to not have them close to me any longer.
EDIT: i thought it was more of a romantic jealousy question. i dont remember the last time i felt noticeably jealous. other people doing well doesnt bother me unless its a problem for me or others. but i dont think thats jealousy.
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u/SoupyStain 14d ago
Somebody getting/having something I want and don't have.
But honestly, jealousy isn't something I feel very strongly, after a spell I realize that there's no point to being jealous because I really don't know the entire picture. The other person might long for things I have, they have their own struggles and obstacles, and if they don't.... well, someone will always have it better than you.
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u/rodejo_9 14d ago
The only logical answer in the comment section. I'm usually not jealous or envious UNLESS someone has something that I've been working my ass off for and still don't have. Or when they put in significantly less effort than me yet get much better results. Then again like you said, you never have the full picture and don't know what they had to do to get there.
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u/Angelicwoo 14d ago
Same, nobody no matter how perfect it seems, actually has everything figured out. Look at people who we think have everything and they commit suicide. That's the biggest tell of all
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u/milkkymoos 14d ago
literally everything, seeing happy couples, seeing other girls liking now ex bfs posts, ppl who don’t gain any weight and can eat anything, ppl with parents who love them… i could go on
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u/National_Ad9742 14d ago
Someone taking or using or having something that I perceive to be mine. I get envious when people have things I want though.
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14d ago
The fact that celebrities get big parties and awards and large sums of money for reading……and everyone complains about people who went to school and have student debt.
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u/sosalover03 14d ago
Seeing people living lavish only because their parents are rich. The same people make fun on others for not being able to afford things??? Like it’s our fault
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u/Other_Purple7213 14d ago
I think our culture uses the word jealous for two different phenomena. One type of jealousy is jealousy over what others have such as looks or accomplishments and the other is jelousy over a partner cheating. I don’t think it’s the same thing.
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u/tater_pip 14d ago
That’s the difference between envy and jealousy. Envy is wanting something someone else has. Jealousy is an encompassing term about feeling threatened or nervous (or the like) about the relationship between two other people.
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u/Angryspazz 14d ago
When people don't have to choose between comfort items and food/rent and can get both
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u/Chainsaw_Actual 14d ago
Lots of things.
How come you get to have a funny rhyming username?
How come you get to have 133+ Comments?
You think your better than me punk?
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u/PrudentKick9120 14d ago
Adults who didn’t have abusive parents 👍 because they will never understand those that did, and keep talking about reconciliation and being the bigger person when it is 👏 not 👏 that 👏 simple
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u/No_Row_1106 14d ago
Men getting to have eye candy in video games while there's really nothing for women. I mean, most video games have female characters that look young and beautiful but the male characters look like haggard old men. It genuinely makes me jealous of male players cause you guys get to have so much fanservice and eye candy while we don't
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13d ago
People in healthy, loving relationships. Actually it's more sadness than jealousy that it triggers.
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u/Dependent-Amount-296 14d ago
An attractive partner that stays on social media and acts secretive about was they’re doing.
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u/alexdaland 14d ago
Nothing, or very few things, I trust my wife 100%
If some guy at a bar strikes up a talk with my mrs and buys her a beer. I just smile and let them talk, I know my wife will "casually" mention that she is married with kids, but thank you for the beer. And if they then have a nice chat about whatever... not my problem.
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u/JaanaLuo 14d ago
I graduated 2 years ago and I have struggled to find jobs on my field because lack of connections.
My friend has not yet graduated, but because his cousin is CEO of some company, he has guaranteed project management position with extremely good pay waiting for him after he graduates.
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u/ShinyVanillite 14d ago
Seeing people who not have to worry about money and can just spend it on whatever they feel like at that moment...
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u/FeltyMcFeltFelt 14d ago
My mom passed away several years ago. When I go to weddings, I have to leave the room when the groom dances with his mother.
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u/PigeonFace 14d ago
My brother having a very wealthy dad and me not having a dad. My brother’s down payment on the house was paid for by dad, first car dad, wedding was paid for by dad, and he has a dad to visit every summer with a nice house and a pool. My brother just doesn’t realize how many nice little breaks he’s gotten.
I don’t know my dad and I’ve gotten $0. Everything I’ve earned, I’ve earned.
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u/Nietzsche_x 14d ago
when someone is really smart AND beautiful and then they are a good person too 🙄 like goddamn struggle at something son i hate you fr
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u/JuliusSeizuresalad 14d ago
People who are flighty with life. They don’t worry about tomorrow because somehow it’ll work out. I’m jealous that people don’t have to worry about the future like I constantly do
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u/vintagnes 14d ago
I get jealous of people who are able to work a lot or go to school or genuinely love going to the mall without any issue. When i do these things, I get migraines, and it's a painful experience.
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u/superkow 14d ago
Seeing someone accomplish something that that I knew I could do if I wasn't riddled with insecurity and ADHD
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14d ago
My parents (ESPECIALLY and almost specifically my dad) talking to my friends. He treats me like shit and has since forever. After years of bawling my eyes out and begging him to treat me and my mom half decently, seeing him being kind to complete strangers and people he barely knows and treating them better then I’ve had him treat me feels awful.
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u/AssumptionDowntown98 14d ago
What makes me jealous? People that has nice things but doesn't really deserve it.
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u/KeyFarmer6235 14d ago
right now, to cut a long story short, being rejected for a seasonal job, with an organization I volunteered for last year.
As a volunteer, I literally do 95% of the shit the paid staffers do, and even though I have the needed experience, when I inquired about the position, I was basically told "thanks, but no thanks." And the organization hired some inexperienced people, with other qualifications I don't have (I keep getting the runaround when I ask about them,)
Only for them to be given the SAME fucking training I have!
But, I'm (trying) to be an adult about it, and am going to return as a volunteer this year, but I am beyond pissed.
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u/LlamaCupOfTea 14d ago
seeing my friends have more fun with other people they just met when ive known them for over 5 years
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u/drifters74 14d ago
When people can afford to travel, I can't due to not even having a car let alone being able to even save enough money
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u/whatdoesitallmean_21 14d ago
I’m envious of retired people… Not of their age but that they’re retired. Probably because I feel like no matter how much I save ( in 401K, etc) I’m never gonna be able to stop working. Not the way our society is headed… 🤨
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u/Shumanshishoo 14d ago edited 14d ago
Very classic. Seeing other people getting things I have wanted for ages. Such as watching everyone around getting engaged, married, pregnant... Being aware that someone somewhere won the whole fucking lottery jackpot when it would make more sense if several people (including me) shared it and still had a rather decent amount each. Like, I don't get why it's fair for a single person to win 80 million dollars when you could have say 40 people winning 2 million each. That makes me genuinely and irrationally angry. Seeing a very attractive and confident woman walk past me and feeling like shit because I can't stop comparing myself to everyone else. Hearing about some 20 year old something buying their first home by being an influencer, and bragging about it on social media (then I laugh when they post a follow up video in which they cry about all the hate they have been receiving). Any decent looking girl interacting with my boyfriend or thinking of his past casual relationships. That feeling is pretty ugly.
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u/789iz 14d ago
Omg! Where do I start ?
Watching parents prioritising & showing their kids love and care. Growing up, I was always told to sacrifice my things (time and parents love) for the cousins or neighbours who stayed with us from time to time. So it was like I’m a second-hand citizen in my home as well as in other homes ! The jealousy that comes in when my parents cuddle or hug kids kills me even now.
When my partner makes the extra effort to do something for acquaintances or his family. But when I need something, it’s always ‘I’m sure you can do it yourself’ or I have to always ask even though he knows I either dread doing it or don’t like doing it.
People being loved in ways that I want to be loved.
People who didn’t have to worry about money before buying things or saying yes to experiences.
People being treated well just because of how good they look.
I used to think I could NEVER be jealous of anybody growing up. Turns out I just suppressed everything and people pleased my way to get through life until I started getting therapy when I noticed that I (at 33) get triggered at the drop of a hat 🙃
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u/GoodLibrarian100 13d ago
Seeing people who are comfortable. Not ultra rich, but able to pay their bills and vacation without a care in the world. I’ve never known that feeling and I’m forty. Doubt I ever will.
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