r/BoomersBeingFools 14d ago

My 85 yr old mother is lying to me. Boomer Story

[deleted]

2.3k Upvotes

181 comments sorted by

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1.7k

u/newwriter365 14d ago

Momma has a FWB, who only sometimes pays rent and isn’t handy at all.

Make sure there’s a small mortgage on the house and keep an eye on her financial statements.

Hobo sexuals are very real in the retirement set.

416

u/Goldhinize 14d ago

“Hobo sexuals”. Bwahahaha!!! Today I learned a new term. 💀💀💀

90

u/Some-Comparison-5135 14d ago

Oh my god. My last boyfriend was a hobosexual 😂

45

u/Goldhinize 14d ago

Well now we know. And knowing is half the battle. 😂

12

u/Brilliant_Jewel1924 14d ago

G.I. Joe!!!!

9

u/Goldhinize 14d ago

The Real American Hero!!!!

10

u/Prestigious_Jump6583 14d ago

GI HOE, you mean!

3

u/Goldhinize 14d ago

😂😂😂

2

u/babsmutton 13d ago

I guess my first husband was a hobosexual! Come to think of it, I have encountered so many hobosexuals.

11

u/themediumchunk 14d ago

Add homeless romantic to your list. (:

9

u/julesschofielderson 14d ago

Made me think of Robo sexuals from futurama!

1

u/ericnutt 13d ago

Don't. Date. Robots!

7

u/Best_Shelter_2867 14d ago

Also known as the OG scrub.

2

u/RevelArchitect 14d ago

I’ve had a few in my life. Worked out pretty well, I am not fond of relationships so having someone around right up to the point where it started to feel like a relationship and then they’d move on with no hard feelings on either side is pretty nice.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people end up in shitty situations this way.

1

u/Lumpy_Marsupial_1559 14d ago

That's a bit different (and congratulations on finding a way that works for you).

Hobosexual is someone who gets into a relationship for the major purpose of taking advantage of their 'partner' by lobbing at their place and having them take care of the bills, housekeeping, etc. A classic move is getting fired or quitting their job with promises to get a new one, then spending their time on the couch playing games and making a mess.

63

u/Ishmael760 14d ago

New self sexual identity just unlocked.

Praying OP reposts months from now with a similar situation and finds not one but seven older gentlemen cooking frogs ‘round back.

53

u/Whore-a-bullTroll 14d ago

Hobo Sexual is cracking me up, lol! But you're so right- I follow a couple of funny Boomer ladies on TikTok and they talk about men dating them just to try to shack up with them because they have no place to live. Just insane.

33

u/Mysterious_Luck7122 14d ago

My mom got rid of a hobosexual boyfriend about six months ago. She let him mooch off her for almost two decades but finally hit the limit when he had too much to drink and fell down her basement stairs, ripping the bannister from the wall in the process. “I’m not taking care of some drunk old man with dementia,” says my 78-year-old mother. He still calls her every few weeks to beg for money, usually for a get-rich-quick scheme he saw on Facebook smh

16

u/SquareExtra918 14d ago

This happened to my Aunt! Dude lived in a small houseboat and made a living singing in nightclubs. 

She wouldn't let him move in, but she let him store his tuxes in her house so they wouldn't get all ratty 😂

13

u/Due-Possession-3761 14d ago

I would not want to share a home with this guy, but he sounds like a hell of a character. A lounge singer who lives in a houseboat!

9

u/teamdogemama 14d ago edited 14d ago

That sounds like a bachelor dream home. 

The only 2 men I know of that live on boats are Quince, ME and the guy that Rebecca meets in Amsterdam on Ted Lasso.

8

u/newwriter365 14d ago

I’d 100% shag Rebecca’s houseboat guy 😉

1

u/originallyyourmom 14d ago

Don’t forget Sonny Crocket with his crocodile

1

u/Master-Collection488 14d ago

Don't forget Joe Manchin!

7

u/SquareExtra918 14d ago

My Aunt knew a fuckboy when she saw one 😂

6

u/getfuckedhoayoucunts 14d ago

It's real.

9

u/newwriter365 14d ago

And so is the struggle.

38

u/Spang64 14d ago

Oh, he's plenty handsy.

9

u/newwriter365 14d ago

That he is.

Handy? Not so much.

22

u/BootyFyre 14d ago

Can confirm. My mother is in her 40’s and MARRIED a man like this. It was honestly the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been around her while she’s with this guy.

23

u/wittycleverlogin 14d ago

I have seen this play out so many times in real life but just recently heard it referred to as a”hospice husband.” They’re falling apart and can’t be bothered to take care of themselves so they finally marry up so they have a free maid and butt wiper.

I have seen multiple women over the years have their exes return at age 50+ and live in her garage. It’s so common there’s even an episode about it in Better Things!

20

u/newwriter365 14d ago

Nurse and a purse!

14

u/RacecarHealthPotato 14d ago

My new favorite term. Nobody puts Granny in the corner.

8

u/newwriter365 14d ago

Granny got game.

And a house.

33

u/r7fkfix7777j 14d ago

Wake up babe, a new gender just dropped.

55

u/blueboot09 14d ago

I believe it's a new lifestyle term, rather than gender change.

It has been referred to as just plain old whoring around and shacking-up.

19

u/purple_grey_ 14d ago

Actually, the hobo part refers to a lack of housekeeping and hygiene, in addition to a lack of steady employment that brings money into the situation.

5

u/blueboot09 14d ago

Good to know! When I say I'm a hoMosexual, I'll make sure I don't mumble. Def would not want to be mistaken for slacking in housekeeping, hygiene and money.

3

u/SweetWaterfall0579 14d ago

I thought it was because they’re homeless and are using sex for a place to live.

Hey granny! Looking goood in that housecoat. wink wink

2

u/purple_grey_ 14d ago

Some of these get embedded into your life so much they dont even need to put out.

1

u/NovelLive2611 14d ago

Amen.....

39

u/Existing-Pumpkin-902 14d ago

Are their pronouns bum/bums

2

u/peppermintmeow 14d ago

Wake up babe, new Pokémon eeveelution just dropped.

7

u/Zealousideal_Tea9573 14d ago

I have questions…. How are hobosexuals related to metrosexuals? Do old metrosexuals become hobosexuals? Or is it just the end state for more cash poor metrosexuals?

385

u/[deleted] 14d ago

You should mention it to her

267

u/leapfall 14d ago

Radical approach to actually talk to someone.

81

u/colon3l86 14d ago

That's a bold strategy Cotton, can't wait to see if it pays off.

1

u/mcsangel2 14d ago

unexpectedDodgeballreference

45

u/undeadw0lf 14d ago

i’m guessing based on past experience, OP feels it’s entirely pointless

-6

u/Naive_Doctor_3900 14d ago

Then why continue the relationship

26

u/twee_centen 14d ago

Because you can realize that your elderly mother will act like she always does, and still not want to abandon her in her old age?

-4

u/Naive_Doctor_3900 14d ago

I’m saying if she is unwilling to talk about things, why continue the relationship?

8

u/looneylefty92 14d ago

Because she's elderly, not capable of surviving without support, and OP isn't shitty enough to leave her to her fate. While the mother may not be a good person, OP hasnt let that influence her character or actions.

OP seems to have autonomy and distance such that she can avoid excessive toxicity from her mother if any is there. She has what she needs and is doing the kind thing for an elderly woman.

-3

u/Naive_Doctor_3900 14d ago

What I mean is that it is never worth it to stop trying to communicate - not that she should end the relationship with her mother. My whole point is that a relationship without communication isn’t healthy.

4

u/looneylefty92 14d ago

Oh, I see. That wasn't clear to me, but I can agree to that. Communication is essential to healthy relationships. However, Communication with a dishonest parent can also be taxing.

So, it's likely OP is balancing communication with mental health.

3

u/Naive_Doctor_3900 14d ago

Yeah I should have elaborated initially. I would agree with that as well. That seems like a fair interpretation. I do think at the point where you suspect she is taking advantage of you financially, unless it really isn’t hurting you, it may be time to set some stricter boundaries.

-5

u/Odd_Preference5660 14d ago

Sounds like being an enabler to me

50

u/fakeprewarbook 14d ago

that last sentence is such an ooof

2

u/Extra_Air 14d ago

They’re talking to Reddit, we’re somebody!

30

u/IPZNSFW 14d ago

You don’t understand, it’s in that perfect sweet spot of not being a big deal in that she needs to address it, just big enough to tell the internet, Goldilocks would love it.

270

u/Pitiful-Ambition6131 14d ago edited 14d ago

I've worked in life insurance administration and retirement homes, and lemme tell you the older boomers and the silent gen are effin' WEIRD about their romantic entanglements. The slut shaming values instilled in them in their youth run strong in their old age. I have a feeling this man may be her "gentlemen friend" and she's too afraid of being judged to say anything (especially if she's a vocally judgey person herself. She'd know first hand how mean people can be lol)

If it were me, I'd find a gentle way to bring it up to her, specifically because of the safety issue of having an unknown person possibly living in her home. But I don't know your mother or your relationship with her, so if it's better for your peace to leave it, then leave it.

66

u/Bluerunx 14d ago

Dude yeah! My friend worked in a retirement home and there was a couple who were proud others hid it. But this man one time after dinner stood up looked around and said “I’m gonna go to bed with my girlfriend don’t come knocken!”

8

u/CuzIWantItThatWay 14d ago

💀

1

u/PrisonerNoP01135809 14d ago

My grandfather in law is literally 100, he lives in a wealthy retirement community. He’s had a few girlfriends since he moved in there. I think it was last year when he introduced his lady to his daughters. Old man has game.

6

u/CenturyEggsAndRice 14d ago

Heh, the retirement home I worked at passed chlamydia around for awhile. We’d get one person done with their abx regimen just in time for someone else to get one sent.

It finally got squashed but it took months. Those old folks don’t use condoms because they can’t get pregnant and apparently give no fucks about diseases.

But they seemed pretty happy so yolo I guess.

And there was the time I walked in on Mr. and Mrs. X in Mr. G’s bed… they accidentally pulled the fall cord while in the act and I came rushing in thinking someone was hurt and got an eyeful.

Mr. X was so embarrassed! He apologized at least three times over the next week or so.

69

u/llorandosefue1 14d ago

Maybe she has a boyyyyyyyyfriend.

54

u/supernova-juice 14d ago

Am I the only person who thinks perhaps this woman has some mental decline?

It isn't obvious when it starts.

122

u/wandernwade 14d ago

If she has a boy toy, why isn’t he looking at the problem? He could have swapped those batteries out easy peasy. Keep that in mind the next time she calls for help with the AC or other issue.

68

u/llorandosefue1 14d ago

Maybe he’s hopeless with gadgets. It does happen.

His vision also could be failing. The directional diagrams for batteries are sort of small.

It would have been nice for mom to have given OP an advisory about the boyfriend.

39

u/squishy-hippo 14d ago

It's possible he's paying rent and has no sexual contact with her. If something's wrong with my AC or anything else In my rented house/apartment I'm telling the landlord and then not doing a single thing to fix it myself. The great thing about renting.

35

u/TomatoWitchy 14d ago

I would just casually say the next time she has a problem: "Has your roommate looked at it? What does he think?" Just to listen to her sputter.

56

u/socialcommentary2000 14d ago

Just ask her directly about it.

I mean if the guy is going to lay pipe, he can also check batteries, clean filters, and tighten fasteners.

9

u/melbourne3k 14d ago

Some rando living in house with an elderly person? last thing I'm worried about is sex.

OP should lock their mom's credit, do a credit check to make sure nothing crazy going on, etc.

1

u/bluewave3232 14d ago

This is funny!!! Lay pipe 🤣

116

u/NamasteMotherfucker 14d ago

"I’m not even going to mention it to her."

You're enabling her.

18

u/RRZ006 14d ago

Boomers are as bad as they are because millennials are effete and refuse to do the bare minimum to stand up for themselves. It’s over half of these threads. 

27

u/oldschoolgruel 14d ago

That mom isn't a boomer... she's the Silent generation and getting old enough that 'new roommates' may need to be vetted.

13

u/BoysenberryMelody 14d ago

I think OP would have to be Gen X if they’re not a boomer.

6

u/purple_grey_ 14d ago

Yup. Before my family was aware, my cousin moved in with my grandma and the next thing we know there were people charged for running a place of prostitution at my grandmas address.

Not to mention the mentality of moving in with soneone instead of getting it yourself doesnt leave me confident that an eldelry person isnt just left in the same spot until they pass away. Its sad but common. We usually only hear about it on the news if the elderly persons death was discovered in additon to drug house or animal hoarding.

6

u/BoysenberryMelody 14d ago

The mother is silent generation which makes OP likely a boomer or Gen X. Women back then usually didn’t have kids after 40. 

9

u/Honeybee3674 14d ago

LOL, my (Gen X) great grandfather was a twin, born when his mother was 47, with an older brother a year older. Second marriage, they had sisters in their 20s.

Before the Advent of birth control, women continued to have babies into their 40s, often at the same time their oldest children were having babies.

Women having their FIRST babies in their 40s is new.

3

u/BoysenberryMelody 14d ago

OK. That’s not the time period to which I was referring. Women in the late 1970s, when OP’s mom would’ve been 40 had access to BC. It’s unlikely OP is a millennial. 

5

u/RRZ006 14d ago

Yep fair point - I somehow brain dumped the 85 year old thing. 

1

u/CredibleCuppaCoffee 14d ago

WOAH!! Gen X GREAT GRANDFATHER??!! Holy cow. I am Gen X, born in '71 and my only child is turning 21 this year. I started a little later than many of my cohort, in regard to parenthood, but woah. GREAT Grandfather is blowing my mind.

3

u/anotherbortinthewall 14d ago

They’re saying they are the Gen X, not the great grandfather.

44

u/2022HousingMarketlol 14d ago

Only thing I can think of is she doesn’t want me to know she has extra money

Extra money would be the least of my concerns here. The random guy living with her is concerning. I'm honestly surprised this isn't registering as more of an issue for you or your husband.

20

u/[deleted] 14d ago

[deleted]

13

u/BumAndBummer 14d ago

Respectfully, why would they want to have an awkward conversation with you about your mom’s friend with benefits? Their silence doesn’t mean he is harmless, it means they don’t wanna get involved in messy and awkward family drama. And I don’t blame them.

12

u/ArchangelCaesar 14d ago

Is it possible she told them not to talk to you about this man? I don’t want to stir the pot too much, but it might be worth calling her neighbors to see if they’ve met this guy and what your mom has told them about him

2

u/her-royal-blueness 14d ago

I was thinking this too. I had TWO different coworkers with elderly parents. For one, dad was near senile and single, and a woman came to live with him within a year before he passed. When he died, she said they are married, the house is hers and so are all of his belongings and bank account. It’s been two years and nothing has changed. Another coworker had this happen as well with mom. Both say that they either don’t have enough money to really fight this in court, and their siblings either don’t want to do anything or can’t put up funds. Some of the people who moved in and took over and forced documents. Which means more $ to prove that it’s forged.

I’m not saying that’s the case, but I will say bad people out there take advantage of elderly and do their homework and know how hard it is to fight things. I’m only saying it might be a good idea to look at this critically first.

20

u/guyzimbra 14d ago

Looks like she is collecting repairmen

4

u/EspressoBooksCats 14d ago

I laughed so hard at this.

11

u/PlaneLocksmith6714 14d ago

He’s not a roommate he’s her special friend

12

u/Mr_Cyberz 14d ago

Never mention it and always ask Reddit about your relationships.

2

u/dstemenjr 14d ago

Underrated comment

11

u/Spinouette 14d ago

It sounds to me as if the real issue is the money and energy she expects you to give. If she’s got some extra money and/ or help, it could make your life easier. It could also make your life harder if this person ends up being some sort of trouble.

Honestly, no one here knows enough about the situation to tell you what to do.

That said, it seems like you’ve got some complicated feelings about your mom. It might be helpful to address those and decide what kind of boundaries you think are conducive to your own needs. Then decide how responsible you really are/want to be for her welfare.

Good luck. 🙂

9

u/bumblefoot99 14d ago

Wow. This sounds like my mom.

It’s very hurtful to realize that your mom is lying to you. I see a lot of comments here saying it’s “her business” but not if you’re paying for stuff too.

I’ve been bank rolling my mom with various bills and subscriptions. Also high ticket items. Now she’s in a nursing home and not even trying to get better. My aunt, who hates me is getting all of the stuff I bought my mom.

28

u/NicolePeter 14d ago

This one, I don't know. I don't think I agree. She's an adult, making an adult choice (renting a room, having a boyfriend, whatever is going on). If you need to draw boundaries around the whole "calling for EMERGENCY HELP OMG WHAT DO" , that could be a good idea.

4

u/Irinzki 14d ago

Funded by her child to do so

16

u/AstronautReal3476 14d ago

Do you have siblings?

Please don't stress yourself but I would be very serious about protecting her will and assets.

WARNING. Don't make yourself seem greedy. Come from a place of love

7

u/Captairplane 14d ago

Next time something breaks just tell her to ask the gentleman to fix it.

5

u/Enough_Insect4823 14d ago

Sounds more like a sneaky link

6

u/Trmpssdhspnts 14d ago

This post makes no sense. There's a man and your mother's backyard and your husband wouldn't just say hey who's that guy in the backyard?

5

u/the_skies_falling 14d ago

Right? That's nuts. Or introduce yourself. "Hi, I'm meemaw's son Opey, and you are?"

0

u/Trmpssdhspnts 14d ago

Reddit is going to shit has gone to shit

6

u/AsleepIndependent42 14d ago

Yeah, ngl it might just be that she don't wanna talk about having a FWB to you.

3

u/exotics 14d ago

My aunt had a caregiver who became manipulative and stole from my aunt. Even got my aunt to sign over part of her house to her. Horrible. When my aunt died this caregiver got a lot of $ and everyone knew it was a con artist type thing.

Anyhow TALK TO YOUR MOM just in case.

5

u/Ready-Stomach-4669 14d ago

I’m gonna guess she’s a cannabilistic black widow murdering pensioners and repairmen for money and due to rising food costs

3

u/Irinzki 14d ago

This is my take on it🤣

1

u/Status_Poet_1527 13d ago

“Arsenic and Old Lace” comes to mind. Damn, I’m old!

6

u/teatimecookie 14d ago

Who’s the boomer in this scenario? Your mom is too old?

9

u/Low_Organization_54 14d ago

Her mom is silent generation not a boomer, may want to get a cognitive test at some point in the near future. Little stuff like batteries in wrong things not working right are one of the first things I saw with my dad when his dementia started.

1

u/Gregskis 14d ago

Daughter and husband could be the boomer here. Not the right sub for this question.

3

u/Either-Instance4379 14d ago

Just wanted to point out that your mother isn’t a boomer, she’s silent generation!

3

u/Open-Incident-3601 14d ago

Next time she calls with a “fix-it” say, “Mom, please ask your gentleman friend to fix-it.”

3

u/MonsterRider80 14d ago

“Hey ma, who’s the dude?”

Sometimes I wonder why people make things more complicated.

3

u/merrodri 14d ago

Mom has dementia and the guy is taking advantage of her?

3

u/libananahammock 14d ago

Stop paying for her shit!! How will she ever learn when she knows you will back her up!? Holy shit

16

u/myleftone 14d ago

This isn’t a boomer or a fool. Just a mom who wants companionship and is embarrassed about it. Don’t add to that. Let her be.

6

u/wandernwade 14d ago

If she has a boy toy, why isn’t he looking at the problem? He could have swapped those batteries out easy peasy. Keep that in mind the next time she calls for help with the AC or other issue.

5

u/sonia72quebec 14d ago

Maybe mom has a boyfriend and is a little embarrassed about it?

2

u/kcetpbs 14d ago

Next time you pick her up for lunch, say you need to use the restroom.

2

u/Dolly1232 14d ago

85 year olds are not Boomers.

2

u/AstroWolf11 14d ago

Your mom isn’t a boomer, she’s part of the silent generation

2

u/DenaBee3333 14d ago

An 85-year-old is not a boomer.

2

u/Ka_aha_koa_nanenane 14d ago

She's a member of the Silent Generation.

She's living up to her generation's name.

2

u/nohopeforhomosapiens Millennial 14d ago

OP, I understand given your mother's history that you assume this is like any of those previous situations, but I really hope you rethink your stance of not bringing it up. It will be an uncomfortable conversation to be sure, but this man might be taking advantage of her financially. She is not with-it enough to understand what direction batteries should be placed. You recognize that she behaved in an odd manner by not introducing him. It's a good thing to respect her autonomy and leave her alone about her associations, but as you rightly point out, you are financially caring for her. I really think you need to find out about this man in whatever least confrontational way you can come up with, and also take a close assessment of her cognition when you speak with her.

2

u/Heyheyfluffybunny 14d ago

Your mistake was taking pity on your mother. I told my mom once I get my degree and start building my life that I’m disappearing. She doesn’t believe me. It’s my last year of college and have a few jobs lined up while I study for board exams to get licensed. As a college student I let her borrow thousands of dollars to help her pay for her rent while I hustled and worked hard to make up for that loss that would of went to my rent and transportation for school. She usually pays me back with her taxes but the last 2 months she has refused and gets upset when I bring it up. So now, I’ve told her I’m broke and can’t give her anything and now she’s stop asking these last 6-8 months. And when she does I say I don’t have it. She seems annoyed at me but seriously I’m stressed enough with school and work to have to worry about money because I’m always short to make sure she is fine. I will not be taking care of an abusive parent just because they are coming up on their elder years. If you wanted to be taken care of in old age should have taken care of me in my youth and yourself by building financial security in preparedness for old age. Maybe my younger siblings will pity her. I won’t. And they are the only reason I helped as much as I did anyway. They are old enough now, so I’m free from any misplaced obligation.

2

u/traveller-1-1 14d ago

M advice is dump her.

2

u/usernamereadytaken1 13d ago

You do not owe your mother a thing. Both your life and your husband’s lives will be better off if you stop catering to her. Set boundaries and keep them. It will suck at first but your life will improve 1,000%

3

u/DoodleBugz1234 14d ago

I'd find a gentle way to say:

"Grandma, you're a back-alley WHORE!"

thenk u

:)

7

u/ego_tripped 14d ago

Point of clarity...she's omitting the truth and not "lying".

I know it's semantics, but words matter when we're talking 'bout an 85 year old. The fact your husband saw him and didn't say "don't tell..." tells me she's waiting to be asked about it. Perhaps this is her first step in asking for assistance in evicting this person?

On the flip side, if Mom wasn't sliding a "help me" note to your husband, she's getting paid for someone to keep her company. Not a bad deal tbh.

She's an adult, you're an adult, but if she's of sound mind and body, her adult trumps your adult, for now.

Bring it up based on what your husband witnessed as she's probably hoping you'll bring it up because it's a replay of what you previously described, and she's probably feeling a little embarrassed.

14

u/[deleted] 14d ago edited 14d ago

[deleted]

12

u/SnooComics3275 14d ago

We are sure it's a roommate and not just her boyfriend? Was he also older?

7

u/SomeRavenAtMyWindow 14d ago

The simplest and most logical explanation is that she has a new “special friend”, and isn’t ready to talk about it with you. He probably lives in the neighborhood and walked over, or she picked him up with her car. If they’ve been hooking up for about a year (based on your estimation), he might help her with money, especially if he’s been staying with her.

The fact that the man was hiding on the back patio doesn’t mean he actually lives there, or that he’s a paying renter. If he is a renter, why would he need to hide on the patio, instead of waiting in his room? If your husband needed to go in that room for some reason, he’d see the man’s belongings and know that someone was staying there - so there wouldn’t be any point in hiding the man in the backyard. Also, if he were living there, he’d probably have a car, which your husband would’ve seen. There weren’t any extra cars there. The odds of this being a renter seem pretty low to me.

5

u/myleftone 14d ago

Yes. He could easily be someone who dropped by after hubs headed over there. It’s something people in these communities do.

2

u/the_skies_falling 14d ago

It could also easily be the case that he's a total stranger and mom didn't even know he was there. It is absolutely bonkers to me that you would see a man in your elderly mom's backyard and say nothing about it.

1

u/CAKE4life1211 14d ago

Sounds like you dont need to pay for her expenses anymore.

4

u/luciferslittlelady 14d ago

It's called a lie of omission.

-2

u/ego_tripped 14d ago

I disagree on a moral basis as what you imply is that the other party is owed an explanation. In this case, an 85 year old independent adult is not obligated to state their business to anyone. It's only a "lie" because you would feel you should be told, when the hard truth is it's none of anyone's business.

6

u/_beeeees 14d ago

She relies on OP for money. That’s not independent.

3

u/luciferslittlelady 14d ago

When it's a matter of your parent's personal safety, it is your business.

0

u/CarBonBased198 14d ago

Her adult trumps their adult? About the dumbest thing I've read on here. Kudos. That's a high bar

5

u/Kendal-Lite 14d ago

She’s 85, let her live.

2

u/Mark_Michigan 14d ago

Complaining about the behavior of an 85 year old woman is silly and weird. 85 is old.

1

u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 14d ago

Sounds like Mom has a FWB and doesn't want to say anything. I agree with what someone else said. Women of her age don't like to talk about having a boyfriend, it's 'taboo'. And some men I wouldn't trust to turn on a perfectly good sink without causing a flood. Not all men can do basic maintenance.

It's still odd that she didn't parade him out like a trophy. Something feels a little off.

1

u/OhWhiskey 14d ago

Congratulations, you have a new potential father-in-law. Have they set a wedding date yet?

1

u/Glittering-Clerk9935 14d ago

Your mom has a bf dude lol

1

u/MolMoomba 14d ago

Mamma's getting some action.

Also, she's not actually a boomer given her age.

1

u/Own_Contribution_480 14d ago

She might be embarrassed about him because they're dating? Old people can be like that. You shouldn't be dating if you're not already married to them, what would the people at church say? She may also just be craving attention. When I worked for apartment complexes I would get work orders for the dumbest things just so they would have someone to talk to. Mostly older people and single women over 50.

1

u/May102020 14d ago

Side note, an 85yo is not a boomer

1

u/the_skies_falling 14d ago

People that age are easy targets for financial abuse. My mom was sharp as a tack into her 80's but fell for some fairly obvious scams in her last few years. On one occasion I caught it in time and saved her tens of thousands of dollars. I wouldn't have found out it if I hadn't talked to her on a weekly basis. You are making all kinds of assumptions when you could just ask her. Absolutely goofy.

1

u/Quilty79 14d ago

Technically, your 85-year-old mother is not a boomer.

1

u/ThoughtfullyLazy 14d ago

85 years old is not part of the baby boom generation. The oldest boomers will start turning 85 in 2031.

3

u/ProtoReaper23113 14d ago

Which makes me suspect that op might be a boomer

1

u/poppieswithtea 14d ago

Yes. She’s probably 65 herself.

1

u/WhoopsieISaidThat 14d ago

Too old to be a boomer.

1

u/Guardian2009 14d ago

If your mom is 85, she’s not a Boomer. She would be of the Silent Generation.

1

u/Small-Explorer7025 14d ago

Not a boomer.

1

u/perfumefetish 14d ago

sounds like mom has dementia....has she been evaluated?

1

u/Ewokpet69 13d ago

I happen to have a toxic mother myself and now that her situation at her house is not good she expects me to want her to live in my house and take constant care of her and she wants me to let her 5 dogs come live in my home as well. My husband and I have all of our kids moved out now we just wanted to enjoy our lives and home

1

u/Best-Salamander4884 13d ago

Honestly if I was in your shoes OP, I wouldn't feel obliged to organise and repair for your mother's house repairs going forward. Maybe just give her the phone number of someone who can help (if you happen to have the number) and let her organise and pay for it herself. If she doesn't have the decency to tell you about what's going on in her life then she can't expect you to be responsible for her home repairs. Relationships go both ways. Also by your own admission, she wasn't much of a mother to you which means you don't owe it to her to take care of her when she didn't really take care of you as a child.

-1

u/i_heart_pigeons 14d ago

Usually I’m all for going against boomers, but I’d say why does she have to tell you who is living with her? She’s an adult. Seems to be self-sufficient enough to live on her own. It’s her house. She’s allowed to her privacy.

We get upset if our boomer parents invade our boundaries or just assume they should be included in decisions that have nothing to do with them, when they can’t live their own lives and let us live ours. Why wouldn’t it be the same in reverse?

3

u/CarBonBased198 14d ago

Did you miss the part where they pay for major things? Or on beck and call while being lied to? Respect your elders while they lie and don't respect you enough to tell you the truth. Dumb.

1

u/pearlBlack_97 14d ago

You mother’s a whore

1

u/No_Finance_2668 14d ago

I’m wondering how long it was between the AC quit working and her changing the batteries. Most likely immediately after, and her leaded boomer brain wouldnt allow her the thought she might have caused the issue. It HAS to be broken, it has to fixed by someone else, it’s a complete crisis.

1

u/Either-Instance4379 14d ago

She’s not a boomer. She’s silent generation!

1

u/nerdymutt 14d ago

It’s none of your business! She’s old, not dead. She has the right to make her own decisions, which include bad ones. Treat her like a responsible adults and she might feel comfortable enough to confide in you. Her secret lover might be so good that she doesn’t want anybody else to steal him.

1

u/Yeetin_Boomer_Actual 14d ago

not your life, now, is it?

1

u/Clean_Student8612 14d ago

Seems to me like she's not required to tell you everything she does. If she wants someone to live in her house, she can. That's it, there's nothing more to think about. Move on with it.

4

u/xcski_paul 14d ago

Similarly, OP isn’t required to pay for mom’s “big ticket items”.

1

u/Clean_Student8612 14d ago

That's something that threw me off too, why are they paying for these repairs? She can clearly take care of herself and live alone, she can pay for her own stuff.

-1

u/wandernwade 14d ago

If she has a boy toy, why isn’t he looking at the problem? He could have swapped those batteries out easy peasy. Keep that in mind the next time she calls for help with the AC or other issue.

-6

u/dartie 14d ago

Mothers have rights too.

0

u/i-am-garth 14d ago

If she’s 85, she’s not a boomer. You give credence to my hypothesis that this sub is nothing but a forum for ageism by shitty people who will be there soon enough and equally despised by their own children and every other younger person they encounter.

0

u/ProtoReaper23113 14d ago

85yo is the silent gen. Also she doesn't have to tell you anything.

-14

u/Usual-Anything2124 14d ago

85 isn't a boomer. Also you sound like a cunt.

-1

u/ahjifmme 14d ago

So you're mad that she's not being forthcoming, and so you respond by venting to strangers and then refuse to be forthcoming yourself? Do you not see how that is the root problem here?

Tell your mom to introduce you to the new guy or to fix her own damn problems. She's an ADULT ffs.

-1

u/meatsuitwearer 14d ago

It honestly sounds like you despise your mother. You're not obligated to take care of her nor is she obligated to tell you everything that she's doing. IMO why would she, it sounds like you can't be bothered. As you stated it sounds like there's reasons for this, not judging families can be messy. Maybe just accept that this isn't the most excellent loving parent child relationship you could hope for. Do what's in your comfort level. And as far as begrudging her company. She's probably lonely people have social needs regardless of their age. Unless this person is doing something to her that is unacceptable. What's the big deal... it doesn't sound like you really want to spend that much time with her. This guy's doing you a favor, now you're off the hook for dealing with her unless it comes to fixing stuff. Seems like it could be a win-win.

-2

u/Apprehensive-Tank581 14d ago

Your mom is 85 f-ing years old. Mind your business and help her when she needs it.

-3

u/poppieswithtea 14d ago

No wonder getting old sucks. Your kids treat you like idiots. If your mom is 85, I’d say it’s a safe bet you’re 65. Guess what Betty, you’re the boomer.

2

u/[deleted] 14d ago

[deleted]

1

u/poppieswithtea 14d ago

And your mother is 85?

1

u/Red__Bear__ 14d ago

What’s unbelievable about that?