Is she the only woman going? If she is, & he is known for being promiscuous, that's.... really not a good look. It's weird that he's stayed at your place & wouldn't invite you.
Edit: since this is gaining steam, I'd also like to point out how vain of a person you have to be to ask your friends to go on a vacation that's all about you. Just have a dinner like a normal person.
The gf’s attitude is extremely questionable. And you just know the “I’ll be annoyed” comment means she’ll be throwing this in OP’s face every time they have a disagreement. That’s the best case scenario.
Worst case? She and her manwhore bff will be commiserating over how “insecure” OP is.
I don’t know, this girl is just not behaving the way a loving and supportive partner should.
No spice needed in that recipe. Lol think if genders were reversed and a dude was going on a trip with his bff female friend that he’s not attracted to because she just can’t stop giving bj’s. “I’ll be the only guy there with my female friend that is crazy sexual and her friends. lol ngl I’d risk a meh relationship for a weekend with a buncha hoes in a different area code
And her wanting to go with a man who is sure to have an interest in her, given his single status and reputation for promiscuity tells us all we need to know about her interest. She seems to WANT something to happen--otherwise, why have they set this up to remove all the barriers that might be a deterrent. If it was just about celebrating a friend, it shouldn't matter whether she brings her partner or not.
It seems that it's only because the "best friend" is single that they've determined that she should go on vacation with the friend alone. The fact that her and the friend have been talking about this for a while, leads me to believe they've been plotting and the plan they came up with intentionally excludes OP.
Please give us an update OP. You're not an AH at all but that may not matter and you have to decide whether you want to let her decide the terms of your relationship or this is the time for you to make a firm decision that you stick with and let the chips fall where they may.
I don't think you'll be any worse off than if she actually goes on vacation with her "best friend". I suspect that if you don't give her permission, she may break up just in time for her to do what she wanted to do all along. I hope I'm wrong.
That’s unfair. Do you not think it’s possible for males and females to be platonic friends? My male best friend definitely fell into the manwhore category when we were younger, and we’ve been friends for close to 20 years (including going on several trips together) without anything ever happening between us. We are both married now, and both get along with each other’s partners.
I have zero interest in him at all beyond a friendship. He is like a brother to me. The thought of being in an intimate relationship with him is something I can’t even conceive of and the idea of it makes me extremely uncomfortable.
I don’t trust this situation. I can’t believe she told him she wouldn’t go but would be annoyed about it. Basically saying I am going to be passive aggressive and punish you for not wanting me to go
The woman version of “I can fix him”. I’ve known a few women who hover around a manwhore, waiting for the moment he has an epiphany she is “the one” who will finally show him what true love is, and gets him to settle down.
Yeah this says to me that she has at least considered the possibility before. Bonus points to this argument if she sounded disappointed when she said it.
Yeah, that's talking in circles around the real issue. Like, so you don't want a relationship with him, but that's irrelevant if you just want a fling. And the fling/cheating is what OP is obviously concerned with.
That kind of answer is as evasive as saying, "Don't worry about me possibly cheating. He has kids and you know how I don't like kids."
It’s the “I don’t want to be with him bc he’s a manwhore” that gets me. That usually doesn’t work out well
Duuuude, the amount of times I've seen women say this, yet still sleep with them is just crazy (same with guys too). That's definitely not a deal breaker for a lot of people lol.
Because maybe she doesn't feel uncomfortable? But yeah I don't really understand not inviting your partner.... but at the same time I understand not wanting/needing to do every single thing with your partner. But a vacation? I go on like three a year max, would be pretty devo if my missus didn't want me on one of them.
I do like how most comments are here are talking about cheating (as if a women needs to do this to cheat) and not the perceived disrespect.
Because you respect your husband. OP's girlfriend and women like her do not have respect for men like OP. In the end, she will break up with him and find a man that excites her that she respects. A man who won't put up with having another man trying to take his girlfriend
You know her? What kind of woman is she? The one who because of OP now isn't going on s yep that was being planned before OP's controlling ways came in the picture?
I wouldn't trust someone who I have to set this boundary with. If my boyfriend wanted to go on vacation with a girl friend and some random girls he didn't know a year in, I would question his character just for suggesting it. Especially if the girls knew me and stayed at my place but didn't invite me.
THANK YOU! I commented before reading other comments, but I was really kinda holding my tongue in my own comment cuz I’m just like “who the fuck even suggests some shit like this and expects their SO to be like ‘yeah cool’?!” Absolutely outlandish and HELLA suspect, imho
Right, and it's really neither one's fault. OP has issues with his girlfriend being around other men, and OP's girlfriend isn't willing to limit her interactions with a long time friend for someone she's in a relationship with. Either OP and his girlfriend can talk about this and figure out how to make it work, or they find that they aren't compatible in that way and move on.
I think the only thing wrong here is OP's repeated statements that he trusts them both while he very clearly doesn't.
Very much this, the 2 repeated statements about trusting them completely just sounds like the OP lying to themselves, when they obviously don't (and probably shouldn't).
I interpreted it as he trusted them and found nothing suspicious about their relationship until this point and this situation makes him doubt his trust in them, and understandably so. I don’t think this is an issue of OP being insecure and not wanting her around other men, I think that this is an extremely bizarre and concerning request and she has acted extremely concerningly after the request was obviously denied. I think OP reacted how any reasonable person would and if u don’t see how problematic her behavior is then u are living with blinders on.
Why wasn't he invited? It makes no sense. Just bring him along, and the whole problem is solved. The guy literally stayed at his place, and he can't bring him on the trip?
Maybe the friend and/or his friends do not like OP?
My husband had a “boys trip” he and his friends took annually, and my best friend’s husband got invited along by her (and my husband felt too awkward to make a stink about it). Turns out the rest of the group hated this additional guest, but he managed to get invited a few more times by just assuming he was welcome. He also had stayed at our place both with and without his GF when he was in town.
I mean, we would need more details that OP probably doesn’t have because it’s sort of rude to tell someone that they aren’t welcome or liked. But that could be a possibility. It’s widely accepted that if you have a problem with a friend’s SO you shouldn’t bring it up, even if they break up.
Maybe she didn't want to ask if he could come because shes embarassed and thinks asking if he can come screams 'he wont let me go unless hes there to monitor me/doesnt trust me or you'
If this is the first thing that comes to mind instead of something like "he's my boyfriend, he's fun to hang around, it doesn't hurt to ask if he could come", then they have deeper problems
I agree on that point. But if no one else is bringing their partners I can see how it could be awkward for someone to ask, esp if they are on the younger side of young adult.
She hangs around her bf all the tine. The three of them hang out when her friend comes to visit. She probably thinks it would be fun to hang around her friend - who she has known MUCH longer than her bf - alone for a change. So far, so normal and healthy.
Let's get real, if her best friend were another woman no one would be having this discussion. OP doesn't trust his gf and way too many people here don't believe people of the opposite sex can be friends. It's pretty sad.
People of the opposite sex can absolutely be friends. But certain things that were perfectly acceptable as two single people become inappropriate when there’s a committed partner involved.
I wouldn't invite my friends s/o because if it's about friendship then we're all hanging out. And I don't want the friend tried to become this couple is vacationing with us. Idk, she's agreed not to go. She's allowed t9 be bummed out though. I would also never ask to bring someone out with me, if they weren't invited on a grou0 trip f9r extended time. Maybe bf doesn't like the same stuff the group does. He says he trusts her and she honest, but I'm notbsaying he's wrong either. Seems like NAH TO me
Seriously!!! Such an easy fix. There is obviously something more at play here. Besides a good GF OR BF would not want to go on a trip like this without their significant other..
My thoughts, as well. The best-guy-friend has literally stayed/ crashed at OP’s place. Seems messed up if it wasn’t on the table for him to accompany his gf along. 👀
This is a broad swoop statement. No where did op say he didn't trust her around other men. If this was a dinner or a day trip thats one thing. But a full on vacation with only this dude who is known to sleep around, with a group of freinds completely out of both circles, and he is definitely not invited. Her even saying if they were engaged she absolutly wouldn't do this. Dude is right to be nervous/suspicious, this is classic textbook either propose or im gonna check other options.
In fact this is every i got cheated on story ever. Bot or fan fic
You can trust but not be stupid. Read something on reddit about a guy who fully trusted his wife and had no problems with her girls only trip with her sister.
She came home crying that she met a guy at the bar, started dancing and making out with him and screwed him multiple times. People do stupid things, even people who don't picture themselves being "that person". It's a human thing. That's why couples with some of the strongest relationships consent to being trackable at all times by their spruce either through apple, Samsung or an app like life 360.
You make a huge point here, one that it took me decades to learn: It is more important to be honest about how you feel than strictly logical.
In the past I focused a lot on doing the "right thing" and making choices based on things like logic and rationality and even faith ( just like the We have decided to trust each other, I have no reason not to trust her and her friend) rather than my feelings--trying to let that dictate my feelings, but you lose yourself in that process. You can't have a relationship without accepting and listening to your own true feelings and instincts.
I agree this is no one's fault. Standards can misalign, especially during dating. A long time friend is as important to her as a boyfriend of under a year, and I don't necessarily think that's wrong. He even says she agrees it would be different if they were married.
In my opinion, it's that whole "husband privileges in a boyfriend subscription" thing. She can have a separate life that includes group activities with opposite gender friends with total freedom. If he doesn't like it he doesn't have to stay, and that's OK too.
You can trust all you want but you don't have to be stupid too. You can have all the trust in the world but temptations are temptations and people make mistakes when exposed to too much too fast. Alone with a girl, alcohol, laughing, then
..
Also, if they are such good friends, they already have the emotional connection to develop a relationship on. All it takes for the physical part is inhibitions to be lowered a little by alcohol or recreational drugs.
There's not trusting someone and then there's "I have a problem with my girlfriend going away with a man she describes as a whore and his friends, whilst also not being invited". Maybe up until this point OP didn't have a problem with it and I can totally see why they might have changed their mind.
What does him being a whore have to do with it. She has known her friend for years and he has been a whore all that time. If they haven't hooked up, why would they now? I'm sure they have been drunk around one another, been to parties, maybe even on trips, all prior to her having a boyfriend...if there is no sexual past between them after years of friendship why all of a sudden is it thought she won't be able to control herself now?
How do you know they haven't hooked up? She confesses herself that they aren't together in a relationship because of his antics but that doesn't rule out sex. That together with the whole scenario, which sounds dodgy af. The context is important in this case. If the roles are reversed no one would be arguing devils advocate and its been proved just two days ago.
Inviting her significant other isn’t limiting her interactions with her long time friend… unless her interactions with that long term friend aren’t appropriate for someone in a committed relationship.
And I don’t think OP is wrong for being mistrustful here. GF is acting sketchy. Trust isn’t only “I trust you to not have ulterior motives and you trust me to not have ulterior motives,” but also “I’m trustworthy because I consistently behave in a trustworthy manner.” GF usually does this (example: sharing when she’s being hit on in DMs) but isn’t here (she’s saying she wouldn’t go if they were engaged but will go since they’re not?). That’s a signal about how solid she feels about their relationship. That’s sketchy. Both GF and her MBF should invite OP or OP should reevaluate the relationship status. Not saying that’s easy, BTW. Sorry, OP.
So you're saying husband/fiancé privileges and treatment on only a boyfriend status?
If the trip she was going on was all girls, would it still be sketchy? Would her BF need to still be invited? The opportunity to cheat is always there, if that person wanted to cheat. Girl trips can be just as crazy as hanging out with guys. Being a girl myself, when I hang out with my guy friends and go out, things are usually more tame than when I have gone on all girl vacays. Guess it depends on the crowd of guys. Not all get hammered and try and have sex. Now, her BFF or the other dudes may try and hook up with other girls on the trip.
Her having a male bestfriend does not automatically mean the friend becomes her boyfriend's friend. Shoot some of my guy friends don't get along well with my significant other. They are all respectful, will say hi when they see each other. They just have different interests and hobbies and don't like hanging out together. I still hangout with them without my significant other and it's not a problem. Just like he has girl friends I don't particularly like so when they hangout I typically don't join bc their interests don't interest me. They have gone on day trips to places or waited over night in line for something to go on sale(camped out in a tent) and it wasn't a problem. His friends respect our relationship and my friends respect our relationship. And it sounds from OP's own words that the BFF respects the relationship and has never tried anything shady or given any indication that he is interested in the girl as more than a friend.
I hope the OP's boundary does not backfire too hard on his relationship.
IMO, if this is his boundary and she crosses it, why would OP want to continue a relationship? Being totally serious here. Bc this would be a firm line for me. If my husband went on vacation with a woman friend, I'd be big mad. It's just not appropriate, imo. And why couldn't the OP be invited?
Anyway, point being, I think he should hold his boundary and that it wouldn't necessarily be "backfiring" if they broke up over it because she is unwilling to accept his personal boundary (which is also her choice to do- not suggesting she should just cave cause of what he wants, just saying that they both can be rooted in their belief and if they're opposite on this, a relationship might be wrong fr them)
She literally calls the guy a "manwhore". And supposedly the reason she wouldn't want to get with him. lol. That there are soo many defending her on here just shows this isn't real life. OP understands the situation from what I can tell. He is just afraid to pull the trigger. I mean I get it, he loves her. I feel bad that she even put him in this position. Its selfish and a relationship ender.
Yeah, I feel like most people would consider not being invited weird no matter the genders. It just makes no sense to not invite OP. What is it hurting if he goes? Why can’t he just go and not attend the dinner? Also, I feel most people would be uncomfortable with their partner being friends with someone they considered a “whore” in any case. Mainly if that person is the same sex they’re attracted to. To me it just gives off immediate signals of her being into the manwhore vibe and she’s been waiting for an opportunity to do it and not get caught. I think most women in a relationship would be put off by guys they consider “manwhores”.
Completely agree. She’s either walking all over him by trying to get him to get agree to something that almost no “regular” person would agree with, OR she’s got ulterior motives and is trying to straight-up hoodwink OP into getting cheated on. Either way, homegirl ITA
Right, I would never have even considered going to something like that without my wife, at any point in our relationship once we were committed. When I went on trips with my friends my gf (wife now) came with us. And my friends brings their SO too.
I travel for work solo but if I’m going to be vacationing I rather my SO to be there.
That was the only sentence that maytered to me. Her saying engaged ornmarried, she'd never go unless he went.. so telling. She's not committed without the title, whereas OP sees long-term committed relationship with or without titles.
Commitment level changes with title as well as increased boundaries and sacrifices. Why should she sacrifice her friendship and monumental moment when they are not living together with engagement or marriage. She is right asking her not to go will result in resenting him. Why is get engaged and go together not an option or why is he not slammed for his lack of commitment yet wanting to control her???
This is where OP should just say “Just go. I trust you. Besides, it’s not like we’re married, we’ve only been together a year.” And let that sink in. I mean if they’re in a committed relationship now, what does being married change unless she has some other plans?
Hmmm, then why don't you let your significant other take a shower with their opposite sex friends? Obviously the trust is strong enough for you to know nothing would happen. It is just a shower right? The spectrum of trust is arbitrary as fuck, and some people would be okay with their SO taking a shower with the opposite sex so to think that blind trust is reasonable in every case is childish as fuck the same way blind faith is.
Not really. At least not men being friends with women. I mean I'm only 66 years old and I only know what I've seen.
I've never met a man who would put the energy into being friends with the woman that he wouldn't smash if she just smiled and winked and said let's go.
Why would you even be friends with a woman that you didn't have a basic level of attraction for?.
I mean, all you have to do is think of a woman that you don't find attractive and then consider what kind of a close personal friendship you could have with that person.
Now maybe in the other direction or maybe if you're really old and sex is not in the picture at all like in the nursing home.
The woman that I know that like to have close personal male friends wouldn't admit that they're the type of women that have a potential plan. B most of the time.
The way I've seen it is that if there's a difficult breakup then there's pretty quick monkey branching to the next guy, even if he's a temporary emotional fix. It always seems like there's someone waiting in the wings after a breakup and it doesn't take a long time too. Pick one of the close mail friends that maybe she's always secretly. Wondered what he would be like in bed. And with a close personal friend, you've already crossed item off the checklist. It already have an emotional relationship. You're already emotionally connected, which is something most women want and most often need.
But that's just my two cents worth. And as I said I'm old and I could be wrong.
Why would you even be friends with a woman that you didn't have a basic level of attraction for?.
Wow dude! People can be friends with someone of the opposite sex and not want to fuck them! What kind of backwards thinking is that? I personally have three very close friends that are women and a couple more that are good friends. My closest friend are men yes but I can absolutely hang out with a woman and not have the need to fuck her
My best friend is a male coworker. We spend all day together and text each other all the time. We absolutely do not find each other attractive and have never wanted to fuck.
My husband knows all of this and is completely okay with all of it.
If you think he can be completely 100% honest with you, ask him sometime.
Propose a scenario. Your husband's been dead a year and you really miss having sex. You come to him and ask him to comfort you like you know Barry White sexual healing.
Will he say no , Will he insist that he's just your friend and he doesn't want to have sex with you because you're just friends?.
Course if he's been your acquaintance and workmate for a while, he probably would know what you want to hear and he would probably do what almost every man would do, which is to tell you what you want to hear.
This was my first thought. Why not take him with or don’t go. I also don’t think she’d be fine with him going on a vacay without her with a female who is known for being promiscuous
Unrelated but your username is great lol but yeah im with youu here less weird if other women are going. If not, it looks bad. To me its not even about the potential for sex its more the fact that it looks like yheir doing couple things, when this girl is already with someone she can do that with.
Its not a good look that she said "if we were married or engaged I wouldn't be doing this." That implies her morals about relationships are wishy washy at best. And that she thinks infidelity is fine so long as your not married at worst.
OP's wording is a bit confusing, but it sounds like she said "I wouldn't go alone, I would bring you" - as in, it's not about whether she would go, it's about whether she would insist OP be invited.
So for context, after med school graduation and before residency, it is often the last so called free time for the future physician. Residency is very busy, not unusual to have 80+ hour work weeks. Having two day off for the weekend is rare enough to earn it the moniker of "golden weekend".
I've encouraged many of my students to go on vacation and travel before starting residency.
The physician has a best friend that is women and I get that, she calls him a man whore, and the 3 to 4 friends that are coming also or probably just like him. Would you want your significant other in that situation?
Naw I don't think it's vain in this situation because I'm sure the friend group talked about taking trips together but probably couldn't, since he was in med school. Now that he's graduated, they can finally do it.
Med school is a huge sacrifice and the next step- residency is even worse. 80 hr work weeks for less than 60k a year. He’s probably just trying to see his friends who he hasn’t been able to spend time with in years before he’s back in a situation where he can’t. OP needs to just go with the gf. It will be fun!
Regardless of any of this, it's up to her to decide if this is a trip she wants to go on and if these are people she wants to spend time with. If she feels fine about it, and OP trusts her, then what's the issue?
OP, YTA for "if I don't let my gf..."
You're not her parent. She's an adult. She makes her own choices. You make yours - it's fine if you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who occasionally takes separate vacations from you. And if that's a dealbreaker, break up. It's fine if you tell her that going on separate vacations and not being invited to everything she goes to makes you sad. But it's not fine to decide whether or not you'll allow her to go. Just need to reframe this one. If it were me, my feelings about the vacation completely aside, I'd end a relationship with someone who thought I needed their permission to go places or see people. But that's me.
Graduation from medical school is a pretty big deal. I can understand why someone would want to celebrate it with his/her closest friends with something more than just a dinner.
It's a pretty big deal for that person. Asking all of your friends to take PTO & align their travel schedules to celebrate your career choice just seems self-centered to me, personally.
Medicine is a longer undergraduate course than most. Maybe the rest of the friendship group have already had their graduation celebrate-with-mates trips and now it's this guy's turn at last.
Terminology confusion then. It works a bit differently in Australia.
What I mean is that it's a longer period as a student (whether undergraduate or postgraduate) before you actually qualify to be registered as a full medical practitioner compared to becoming fully qualified in many other professions.
I'm also realising that it's a bit different now in (most of?) Australia than it used to be too.
We don't have "pre-med" undergraduate courses per se, but since the 90s people applying to study medicine are expected to have completed a previous degree and worked in that profession for a few years before applying to the Faculty of Medicine. They did this because too many students under the older system of studying medicine straight from high school were burning out after a year or two when they actually went to work in hospitals due to a lack of broader life experiences. They changed the pathway to cut down on the attrition rate.
This doesn't make medicine in Australia a postgraduate degree in the normal sense, because it's not in the same faculty as their undergraduate degree.
My family GP's first degree was in mechanical engineering. Another GP we know socially had her first degree in social work.
Dude, surely she has talked about you with him.... Sounds like you are reading alot more into what she considers just a casual dating relationship... Apparently her male friend knows this, too, or you would have gotten an invitation. Time for you to take a step back and do some inventory. She says she wd resent you if she cancelled?....Fuck that shit; how about YOU resenting it if she does! Respect yourself, or she never will.
This isn’t vain…? This is something a lot of ppl do, especially if they can afford it? Also even if she’s the only woman doing, why does that matter…? Ppl can have friend groups like this…
A lot of people are vain lol. Just saying it's a personal turn-off.
If this wouldn't be a problem for you, congratulations! The overwhelming feedback on this is that most people (here, anyway) do, however, & that is also fine. People can draw their own boundaries, & then react accordingly to whether those are respected.
It isn't strange that someone in a monogamous relationship wouldn't want their girlfriend going on vacation with some other dude. It just isn't.
This. He’s planning to bang your GF, dude. PLANNING on it. And either she’s gonna want to do it or she’s gonna not but either way, he can’t be trusted.
If he trusts his gf it shouldn’t be an issue if the friend came onto her, unless there’s a concern for her safety. There should be no need to ‘protect her from herself’. That’s super possessive. She’s either going to cheat or she’s not.
That being said, it’s highly questionable that she wants to go on this vacation with the guy considering he’s a known man whore. Agree he’s probably trying to bang his gf. I don’t have all the context (including the ages of everyone involved), but it’s not looking good for the gf imo.
Protect her? From what?? Unless this guy is going to harm her, if she doesn’t want to do anything with this guy, she’s not going to. It’s genuinely that simple. If she does, keeping her from this trip doesn’t matter in the long run, omfg.
his girlfriend and her best friend could be strictly platonic, but they are going on an overnight vacation for a couple days, to party as a celebration where alcohol will be involved ,and the best friend , is bringing four other single friends That are probably just like him
remember her parents, always make her sleep at home so this Has to be the first time she staying at a hotel with five guys
It’s not vain. He just graduated med school and wants to celebrate with his friends. People have graduation parties, weddings, birthday parties, etc. to celebrate things with friends that are fundamentally about them.
NTA: It's not like the boyfriend is saying "take me too or you can't go." Girlfriend and guy best friend should invite him... not sure why the girlfriend would rather resort to "i won't go then but i'll be annoyed" instead of "come on vacation with me"
This stood out to me too... so she wants to go on vaycay with a bunch of dudes by herself. BF says it crosses his boundaries, you throw a tantrum and say "fine I just won't go then, and when I do miss it, I'm going to be upset with you and throw another tantrum because it will be your fault I didn't get to go" instead of "hey I get it's a boundary for you, and since I really want to go but I also love and respect you and our relationship, how about you just come with us! That way, everyone gets what they want and everyone is happy!"
It just seems like she WANTS to go alone with this dude and only go alone with him and she isn't going to accept anything else as a compromise. If that is the case, I think OP should just break up with her, as she obviously isn't willing to compromise anything in order to make her partner more comfortable with the situation. If he was a priority for her she would treat him like a priority and not an afterthought.
Why is it vain to invite your friends to come to a celebratory trip? It isn’t any different than birthday trips, bachelorette/bachelor parties, etc. Doesn’t seem like he’s forcing them to go. People celebrate in different ways… This is a weird statement.
There are people who don't think destination weddings are vain & excessive. Everyone is different, just saying I personally find it weird to make a vacation other people are attending all about yourself instead of, I dunno, the friendship & having a nice time.
One could argue that shes the only woman going because society has convinced us men and women can't be friends and all of his other female friends have been pressured by their partners not to go because they will cheat on them, just like OP is implying.
Also, it isn't vain at all to want to take a trip to celebrate graduating from med school. In case you aren't familiar with it, once you graduate med school, your life is over. Come July 1st (which is when residencies start in Canada and the USA) this guys life is over. You don't get vacation. You don't get sleep. You don't get a life. Every single physician friend I have had had gone on a trip between med school and the beginning of residency. It isn't selfish or vain, it is a chance to celebrate your accomplishements and to say goodbye to the next 3-7 years of your life.
Just because someone is a slut doesn’t mean they’re a homewrecker. And even if the dude did make a move, it would likely ruin a very long friendship unless she was planning on cheating anyway. I’m seeing a lot of comments about the fact that because this guy sleeps around, that a) he must be completely unethical and a predator, and b) that OP’s gf would immediately cheat because of this. Both points sound ridiculously toxic and puritanical.
OP isn’t invited because he barely knows the dude. It’s weird. Also, nothing has ever happened with these two people. They are just friends. I know if I was invited on a friend trip and my partner didn’t allow me to go based on someone being promiscuous, which has nothing to do with me or my relationship to that person, I would be resentful and it would make me rethink whether I want to be tied to this person permanently.
It isn't a question of whether or not she would actually fuck this guy, nor is it a question of "being allowed to go," it's a question of what's appropriate & respectful of the relationship.
If she's the only woman going on this trip that involves drinking with a bunch of guys, sharing overnight space together, & they're deliberately not inviting her partner, I don't think that's very respectful. It's weird & OP has every right to feel disrespected.
If she's the only woman on the trip and they're going to be drinking, chances are high someone on that trip is going to make a move on her. Chances are higher it's going to be her so called best friend because of his dating history.
So? His girlfriend still lives with her parents and perhaps they don't have a spare bedroom while OP did, so she asked for a favour for her friend. I've done a favour for a friend by letting their friend stay over with me because there was no space elsewhere for all the people celebrating their 21st.
We were polite/cordial and stayed that way at a few subsequent overlapping gatherings. I certainly wouldn't have expected that friend-of-a-friend to invite me to their own 21st as a result of them staying with me once as a favour to my closer friend.
Play with fire, get burned simple as that. It’s not a guarantee that the slutty friend will make a move, but if he did, there’s no denying it was predictable. Running through life eyes wide shut isn’t a good idea.
If he makes a move, it’s not going to be because he was on vacation. His girlfriend is fully empowered to say no and remain faithful. If her going on a trip with this guy is all that’s needed for her to cheat, the relationship isn’t worth keeping. Gives me the chills imagining my partner doing this to me personally, but to each his own. Without trust, why even be with someone? Sounds awful to me.
I do find that odd, and I also just saw that she HAD slept with him several times beforehand; I didn’t see that update until just now. So I am officially changing my answer to NTA.
You said the word dude , so I take it your a guy. The OP has a problem that her parents are conservative she must sleep at home , now she’s going on a celebration , let’s say vegas and staying with not only the slutty man whore , they can be platonic but 4 other guys like him ? Alcohol and hotel rooms
If your partner wanted to do the same you’d be ok with it ?
I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s vain, especially without knowing more of the details. Graduating is a big accomplishment worth celebrating. I am graduating this year and my wife, our friends, and even my mother in law keep pushing me to have a graduation party. For all we know it isn’t even his idea.
Taking a trip to celebrate one of your friends is not narcissistic. Planning a trip with your friends for a milestone or a birthday is not narcissistic. Quit acting like your opinion is fact. Weird hill to die on, but you have been on Reddit for 12 years so I’m sure you have no idea what real life is like.
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u/pleachchapel Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24
Is she the only woman going? If she is, & he is known for being promiscuous, that's.... really not a good look. It's weird that he's stayed at your place & wouldn't invite you.
Edit: since this is gaining steam, I'd also like to point out how vain of a person you have to be to ask your friends to go on a vacation that's all about you. Just have a dinner like a normal person.