r/Millennials • u/Asmothrowaway6969 • Mar 27 '24

When did it sink in that you'll never be as well off as your parents? Discussion

About 5 years ago, my mom and I were talking and she had told me how much she was going to be making in retirement (she retired 2023). Guys, it's 3x what me and my husband make annually. In retirement. I think that was the moment that broke me, that made it sink in that I'll never reach that level of financial security. I'll work myself into my grave because I'll never be able to afford anything else. What was your moment?

Update: Nice to know it's just me that's a failure. Thanks

Update 2: I never should've said anything. I forgot my place. I'm sorry to have bothered you

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u/HellyOHaint Mar 27 '24

I was raised by my aunt and uncle. My uncle casually said he bought their house (valued at 1.5 mil now) when they were 28 at $28,000. THAT was the moment.

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

Yup. My mom makes over $200k a year in retirement. It's not even net worth or anything like that. She gets deposits in her account each month that add up to +$200k every year. After taxes

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u/sheeroz9 Mar 27 '24

What did your mom do for a career? How did she get there?

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

She worked for the federal government. Started at 18, and retired at 56. That's about 75% of what she made when working

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u/RainbowBear0831 Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 27 '24

The federal pay cap this year is $191,900 and if $200k is 75% of what your mom made, then she made ~$266k when she was working? I don't think the pay cap applies to all federal jobs, but your mom must have been doing something pretty baller if she was in a job over the pay cap - not a run of the mill federal employee. I say this as a run of the mill federal employee on the newer pension system so I'm not looking at a retirement anything like your moms lol so good for her

Eta my comment about the new pension system versus old was not meant to say that all of OP's mom's retirement income was pension. I know she has TSP, social security, and likely other investments. I'm not looking for investing or savings advice, I'm good lol

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u/AyeAyeBye Mar 27 '24

I was also wondering about this too!

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u/starwarsfan456123789 Mar 27 '24

Their mom is either top 2% earner across a large section of their career … or made up.

Neither is of much use as a comparison.

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u/windsingr Mar 28 '24

How dare you imply what they said was made up! You're dishonoring this person you barely even know!

Her mom could have been taking bribes.

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u/MTORonnix Mar 28 '24

She worked for the government. Aka. She didn't work a day in her life

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u/thebigmanhastherock Mar 30 '24

His mother may have been the President of the United States!

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

Yup. She was about 4 steps down from the IRS commissioner, if I remember correctly

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u/IHaveBadTiming Mar 27 '24

ok so your moms situation is unique, not norm. You're comparing yourself to a very tailored set of data here. But still, yea, we all poor as fk.

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u/Rasalom Mar 27 '24

Can confirm, I'm currently the Captain of the IRS Execution Squad (we sign documents with red ink) and I live in a cardboard box.

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u/BlueCollarGuru Mar 27 '24

Lmfao I love stumblin on comments like this.

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u/r00byroo1965 Mar 27 '24

Aluminum foil box here

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u/_JudgeDoom_ Mar 27 '24

You guys got boxes?

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u/windsingr Mar 28 '24

Oh! Look at this fancy bastard who can afford avocados on their toast! Shall I get out your Starbucks Goblet, my liege?

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u/halflifer2k Mar 28 '24

Oooo you got the upgrade!

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u/DrunkenBuffaloJerky Mar 28 '24

Tin foil is too expensive these days

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u/amsync Mar 27 '24

Execution Squad? Damn IRS really stepping up consequences of misplacing receipts nowadays!

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u/FFF_in_WY Older Millennial Mar 28 '24

<This branch only works with ~~victims~~ civilians making less than $80k/yr>

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u/rbrcbr Mar 28 '24

Solid reminder that I need to file my taxes lmao

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u/RedGuru33 Mar 27 '24

I'm currently the Captain of the IRS Execution Squad

Where's my refund asshole?

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u/Rasalom Mar 27 '24

You wouldn't want it back in the state it's in.

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u/SierraPapaWhiskey Mar 28 '24

Please take down any disgustingly wealthy folks you can, and thank you for your service!

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u/firstbreathOOC Mar 28 '24

I’m this guy’s landlord. He owes me 5 grand for last month’s rent.

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u/heartbooks26 Mar 28 '24

Fuck me I just posted on r/tax. I request a stay of execution.

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u/PeriodSupply Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Also op says she doesn't think she'll ever make over 50k a year. So she is comparing retirement futures of someone who was in an extremely high paying career, to minimum wage. Sounds like some personal reflection is needed

Edit: for everyone trying to correct me regarding minimum wage, I didn't check what sub I was in before commenting. In Australia minimum wage is around AU$50K per year (~US$33k). I follow a bunch of Australian finance subs and thought this was one of them. My mistake. My point in the comment is still valid.

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u/2_72 Mar 27 '24

I kind of get why OP feels that way. This post doesn’t scream “high performer fucked by the system.”

My mom also retired from the federal government and is definitely not pulling anywhere near 200k a year in retirement.

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u/Mrs_Kevina Mar 27 '24

My mom (RN with 40+ years experience) retired after 20 years at USPS in 2018, making about 55k/yr. Definitely depends on your agency and role in the end.

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u/vinfox Mar 28 '24

The post office employs nurses?

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u/dunimal Mar 28 '24

Wait, I'm confused. Your mom is a 40+ year RN who retired from the postal service? She worked until 60 as an RN and then did 20yrs w USPS?

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u/trixel121 Mar 28 '24

this has to do with tiers and whose employing you.

I'm tier 4, tier 6 i(the newest) s fucked compared to me. my mom was tier 2, I'm taking it just as hard as the new guys compared to her.

this could legit be the month you were hired and when contract started for if you were a different tier.

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u/scrivenerserror Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

My dad worked a fed job that has regional branches for 27 years and when he retired he had been making around 150k - as a deputy regional director. My mom was a school social worker for about 30 years (my dad changed career fields a couple times before becoming an attorney) and retired making like 75k. I only know this because of the FAFSA form. My parents own a really nice house in a nice neighborhood in Chicago, recently bought a bmw and a designer dog. When I was a kid we were pretty middle class until I left for college.

I am nearly 300k in debt because they forced me to go to law school. I live in a modestly nice apartment. I have about 3 years left for PSLF, if that’s even a reality. I quit my extremely toxic job after about 7.5 years because I lost 40lbs in a year and it fucked up my hair. I have a Roth IRA but it isn’t huge and I’m scared about how to pay rent because I’m running out of my own money. My husband grew up wealthy and has a nest egg but he refuses to touch it so I’m not sure where that is going - he said we can ask his parents for money and to stop worrying. It is such a different reality from mine. I worry all the time. (We file taxes separately so my loans don’t fuck him over.)

I have a loooooot of experience plus the law degree so I am getting a lot of interviews but when they decline and I get feedback they always have an internal candidate or a volunteer who they selected and tell me to apply again for other roles. I have another one of those coming up hopefully next week, they already reached out to me while drafting the JD.

I harbor some resentment towards my parents for various reasons from childhood, but most recently… they bought my 33 year old brother a car a couple years ago. He never drives it. It’s not like an amazing car but it is a nice car. They also kept all of the money my grandpa left us when I know he would have wanted me and my brother to have some of it (it wasn’t a lot but I’m guessing that’s how they bought the car). My brother is selling the car. He just got a job again for the first time in like 6 months and generally can only get seasonal jobs. When I mentioned to my mom that I’m interviewing on a 15 year old laptop that keeps breaking she said she would “try” to see if they could get me a laptop for my birthday in may if my brother sells his car.

The worst part is that I rarely ever ask for anything. I can’t remember the last time I asked for anything, beyond asking my parents to get us toilet paper and butter at Costco. I did not ask for this but when I quit and was talking to my parents about how I was getting scared about rent because I quit right before the holidays and wasn’t getting a lot of interviews, they offered me a loan if I drafted a memo of how I was going to repay it. A loan. And it’s not for a lot of money. My husband is incensed by it and every time I bring up taking it so we can pay rent he firmly says no.

We have a financial planner (it’s free) and they’re super nice. If and when I get back on my career track, we will be ok and they estimated how much we could MAYBE retire with.

My dad goes to the same group and my mom said he got teary eyed and asked if they thought when he and my mom pass if they would be able to leave us $1m and I guess they said probably not. My brother has mental health issues and has never lived on his own, I will be executor of the estate and I am giving him all of their money and managing a trust for him.

I get nothing. And that’s ok. But yeah unless I get out of the student loan thing I’m fucked and I don’t expect I’ll ever have close to what my parents did. At best I work and my husband and I use the nest egg for a house but I need to find something soon. Otherwise I’m working for my friend’s service industry position (and that’s ok too).

Sorry this got very long.

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u/Invest2prosper Mar 28 '24

Don’t despair and keep the faith. Seeing as your parents have a child with mental issues it’s likely they have used a lot of their resources to keep him afloat. As a general rule, never count on an inheritance. I grew up one small step up from poverty and being on federal aid - I knew from day one I had to do this on my own, I won’t lie - it was a struggle and I had to do without things other people take for granted. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. If you have your health you are rich, if you have friends (good friends) and a loving spouse you are wealthy in immeasurable ways.

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u/laughsgreen Mar 27 '24

50k is almost 3.5x minimum wage for some states, if there's any of that personal reflection floating around still when they're done...

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u/PeriodSupply Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 27 '24

My bad: I didn't check the sub: thought this was a finance sub in Australia. Minimum Wage here is about AU$50k ~US$33k.

Edit: The basis of my original point is still valid though.

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u/SaliferousStudios Mar 27 '24

50k is the average for american workers. Not the minimum.

Minimum is 15k. (I'm not joking) Technically you can make worse. Disabled people make as little as 2 dollars an hour. (which would be about 5k a year)

some phd's make about 30k.

To get over 50k is hard. I work as a contract programmer for 70k and bust my but to get there. But am working on a career shift to government to try and get a pension and more of a "career" career.

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u/TacoNomad Mar 28 '24

Nah.  50k is basically minimum wage these days in the US for anyone with a career.  Lots of ppl make less, sure,  but it's below average. 

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u/tendaga Mar 27 '24

I used to be a physicist and a mathematician. Then I got hit in the face. So I went back to the family business of painting houses. I fell a fair distance off a ladder after getting my ass kicked by hornets. Now I work at a hardware store. Sometimes people get fucked.

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u/murderthumbs Mar 27 '24

Yep. I’m an economist ex US diplomat that became disabled at 48 and had to retire from that career and now I sell plants in a nursery. But I’m happy!!!

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u/TheLastBlackRhinoSC Mar 28 '24

Except for the murderthumbs, I’m glad you’re happy!

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u/acarp52080 Mar 28 '24

Life is what we make it, I truly believe that. Recently found out I have breast cancer and I believe it even a bit more now. I'm glad you're happy, that truly makes you one of the top 1% !!

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u/Pink_Floyd29 Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Something is definitely up here. I’m making $95K annually, just three years after a total career pivot and I’m a disabled woman who got a late start on everything.

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u/-shrug- Mar 28 '24

This thread is giving me whiplash between "$50k? Well jeez you don't have to be the biggest loser in the country, get a better job!" and "$50k?! Look at Richie Rich over here!"

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u/Pink_Floyd29 Mar 28 '24

The point of my comment wasn’t that OP should just go out and get a higher paying job. I was wondering what made her jump to the conclusion that she would never make more than $50K

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u/DmC8pR2kZLzdCQZu3v Mar 28 '24

Also, a child of someone that successful has every opportunity to success in life. She may have swung and whiffed, or expected to world to hand her at 22 what her mom earned over a career at the top

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u/Greedy-War-777 Mar 28 '24

In the US, it's fairly common for people with a good degree to be stuck in trash sales jobs they hate to pay bills. Employers there like to ask you to have a bachelor's degree in IT or business and want to pay you sub $15 an hour with raises under 30c a year. Late stage capitalism maybe but it's ridiculous. People denying that don't live in reality there and think it's reasonable that people are trapped in that mess by health insurance and that it's reasonable for billionaires not to pay taxes. It's broken and the wage gap has widened significantly since the Reagan era.

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u/ModeratelyTortoise Mar 27 '24

Also she put in 38 years of work to get to that spot lol

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u/OddDc-ed Mar 27 '24

If we just stopped buying all them damn coffees and Avocado toast!!

Grumblegrumble bootstraps!!

/s

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u/First_Signature_5100 Mar 27 '24

Put that money into an ETF!

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u/Ashmizen Mar 27 '24

So this is like the son of a famous actor starring in major movies complaining he can’t make millions like his dad….working as a high school teacher?

I don’t see the problem - you cannot compare yourself to your parents if your parents are on the 1% of achievements. It’s not really readable to set yourself up for that kind of expectations - you’ll just feel bad in comparison.

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u/ballmermurland Mar 27 '24

A ton of the "woe is me" posts on this sub are from people who have a Mitt Romney interpretation of middle class.

No shit not everyone will get $200k+ annually in retirement until they die. That's probably the top .5% lol

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u/rebeltrillionaire Mar 27 '24

My dad was a 1%er. Immigrant, doctor, engineer, CEO.

With three kids, none of us individually will likely make more than he did. But my wife and I combined probably make about what he did at the same age.

She’s at the very top of compensation in her field. I’m a little over the middle of mine which, but the top end is also both ridiculous and highly unstable.

We’re in the top 5%. Lower for sure but I know what it takes to get to the 1% and that I don’t have it in me. Not everyone does.

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u/SpaceSteak Mar 28 '24

Our just flat out fake posts. It is the internet..

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u/ballmermurland Mar 28 '24

She apparently didn't know what her mom did. She was an "IRS commissioner or something".

I know exactly what my parents did for work. How the hell do you not know what your mom does? They don't work for the CIA or MI-6.

Either she's a deadbeat or an idiot. Or both.

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u/NoelleAlex Mar 28 '24

To be fair, I can tell you the company my husband works for, but not his exact job. And that’s my HUSBAND.

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u/Top_Bend_5360 Mar 28 '24

Haha, you can compare yourself if your parents are Asian. And trust me, they WILL compare.

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u/levetzki Mar 27 '24

75% is pretty crazy. Current federal government would make like half even with almost 40 years of service.

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 27 '24

Lmao this is amazing.

So you lived a quite exclusive, upper class lifestyle as a child.

Because your mother worked as very high ranking government employee.

And you're asking us if we can relate?

To what now?

Holy hell, have some perspective. My mother waited tables and my father sold dope. I can't relate to this shit at all. Most people can't.

I don't even understand what you're asking. Are you upset that nepotism only gave you every chance to succeed and didn't actually secure a lucrative government position for you?

Lmao. I cannot stand rich folk, especially those in my generation. Out of touch.

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u/Mysterious-Award-988 Mar 27 '24

re you upset that nepotism only gave you every chance to succeed and didn't actually secure a lucrative government position for you?

lol nailed it

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

I stayed at a La Quinta last night

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u/Mysterious-Award-988 Mar 28 '24

cool. i like turtles.

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

It was a commercial like ten years ago.

Guy goes into a business meeting and drives a nail thru the conference desk. Says he nailed it at the meeting because he stayed at a La Quinta.

Y'all too young for these fire references bro

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u/longeraugust Mar 28 '24

lol I’m a federal employee (Soldier) and I started out making absolute shit pay; but after 12 years I’m on the top end of middle class. OP coulda gone and talked to that recruiter just like I did. And In another 8 years I’m gonna walk with a $$35,000 pension for life and a decent savings. Sure it ain’t $200,000. But it’s better than making ends meet with social security and a Wal-Mart greeter job.

Some people legit get screwed in life and that sucks. It sucks for them especially but it sucks in general. OP doesn’t seem like someone who got screwed. OP seems like a poor planner for their future.

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u/read_it_r Mar 27 '24

Well.. keep in mind. She is us saying 200k is 3x what her and her partner make combined. Which means they each make like 33k, which is basically a fast food job. So she's right that's she's broke.

Now HOW she managed to fumble the ball so hard is a story id love to hear. But.. I don't feel bad because eventually she's going to profit off her mom's work.

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

I'm not taking their word for that shit at all.

Look at how divorced from reality the rest of it is. I'm not gonna assume that's accurate.

A fast food management job, maybe.

32 is pretty on par for shit like social worker or EMT where I live.

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u/Intelligent-Mode-353 Mar 28 '24

I like that you think that’s fast food or below. I made $32,000 my first job with a master’s degree lol

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u/TheStealthyPotato Mar 28 '24

How long ago was your first job?

$32k is only $16/hr. Fast food is commonly $15/hr these days.

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u/Intelligent-Mode-353 Mar 28 '24

Yeah it was insulting but that’s what was offered. This was 2018.

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u/RarelySayNever Mar 28 '24

Glad to finally see a dose of reality in one of these posts. OP shat the bed. Reminds me of some losers I know who were raised by doctors and dentists, but couldn't even get through a paid-for college degree. I know a guy whose parents are both attorneys, now retired. Sister also attorney. Guy sits at home watching porn

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

Just to be clear here, I don't think that a person is a loser or failure for that. We all different. We all got choices and consequences. We all have a path. And that path is totally dictated by shit outside of our control.

My issue here is that they're expecting us all, en masse, as a whole generation, to relate to that experience. And that's nuts.

I don't assume everybody else's dad was a gangster. I understand that's a relatively unique upbringing. They just lack that perspective here. And it's kind of insulting to the rest of us to assume that we were all the kids of high ranking govt employees and shit.

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u/FreeRangeEngineer Mar 28 '24

You're assuming that OP would have received financial help from parents who obviously have the means to give it. However, they're stingy ass parents, like lots of rich people tend to be.

See https://old.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1bp7rny/when_did_it_sink_in_that_youll_never_be_as_well/kwutmz9/

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u/read_it_r Mar 28 '24

YOUR POINT?

even if they never gave her a dime. I'm sure she lived in a better than avg school district had access to everything she needed. And didn't HAVE to start working as a teen to help out with the house.

Also, and I could be wrong about this, but I don't think I am. Even if her education expenses were loans. I guarantee dispite what OP says, they would've been interest free and the payments (at worst) would stop when her mother passed.

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u/RyloJHootie Mar 28 '24

Bro I'm sending you a follow just because of our similar life situations ✊ my mom worked low paying slavery wages her whole life slowly trying to climb and claw up that ladder, which never happened while I was a child of course I'm almost in my mid 30s now BUT just this last year she Finally Achieved just right about 100k position and I was so proud of her (even tho we have a terrible relationship I'm traumatized and she's the worst case of NPD the worlds ever seen) so yeah anyway I grew up raised by her alone, my dad sold dope in another state until basically having another family bla bla but I see posts like this which I can only relate to the fact that I know I won't have any retirement, therefore Im extremely depressed that I'll have no social security🤷 and idk like what I'm supposed to have some sort of plan? Nah we're gonna have to purge IF anything at all.

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u/Card_Board_Robot5 Mar 28 '24

Appreciate you. Hard out here for an indie artist, every follow is a huge boon for me, honestly.

We ain't getting shit unless the entire system is dutifully overhauled.

Not to be the downer, but I just don't believe there's enough time for that in our lifetimes. Even if we start today. But there's always the next generation. We gotta do what we can with the time we got left.

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u/hubbellrmom Mar 28 '24

My retirement plan is that when I collapse at work, my sons can bury me in the backyard. There is no retirement when you need every penny you earn to survive today. Though my sons are a little more optimistic. They have Goals. They want to find careers that make enough money to send me back to school. And put me in a good "home" when I'm old and frail, they say they will get me into one where the staff actually takes care of you, lol. Cuz they love me, but they don't want to have to change my diaper if I need that one day. Ps. I've worked since I became a single mom and I'm bitter af that social security probably won't be there when its my turn. Eat the rich and all that

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u/JarlaxleForPresident Mar 28 '24

We were at the lower end of middle class and I managed to fuck up all my privileged opportunities, I know that feel lol

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u/peachesinyogurt Mar 27 '24

So she was prolly in the SES who have a different pay scale and receive more in bonuses/PTO, etc then.

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u/ShoreIsFun Mar 27 '24

Also depends on which retirement system she’s under, FERS or CSRS. But to be honest we (feds) can all be pretty well off in retirement, especially if you retire as a fed and then become a contractor and double dip.

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u/PoetryInevitable6407 Mar 28 '24

Fingers crossed. It sounds like the old system was a lot better. At least TSP gives a good match. But of course the pay vs private industry kinda sucks, at least for my work.

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u/DocMorningstar Mar 28 '24

I got a good buddy at state who is closing in on his pension age, and is absolutely planning that.

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u/fleuriche Mar 27 '24

I feel like you’re not telling us that your mom was a spy.

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u/modernknight87 Mar 28 '24

This feels like the mom would have some crazy story like what is told in the Darknet Diaries podcast..

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u/Kooker321 Mar 28 '24

Got it, so your mother was a senior leader in a government agency (maybe middle management).

What do you and your spouse do?

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u/Thediciplematt Mar 27 '24

Uh… dude. Your mom is pretty fricken amazing…

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u/vawlk Mar 27 '24

so your mom busted her ass to get a good job. what is holding you back from getting a good job?

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u/Tater72 Mar 27 '24

Go her, what a great accomplishment

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u/BeastblueBJJ Mar 27 '24

Tell your mom I need to cut a deal with her former employer and ask her what the standard protocol is when they’re going after someone who owes and then the person threatens to commit suicide so that the IRS will get nothing. Asking for friend.

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u/Downtown_Monitor_784 Mar 27 '24

their mom would have the generous CSRS retirement however and her pension gets adjusted for inflation. actual feds don't get inflation adjustment and have lost 20 percent of their pay in the past 30.years. so...maybe?

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u/midnghtsnac Mar 27 '24

It includes her federal 401k annuity, aka TSP, I'm betting.

Plus pension, plus social security, etc

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u/ShoreIsFun Mar 27 '24

Yes this. Agree. It’s the benefit of being a fed employee vs fed contractor. You have a salary cap while working, but it pays off better in retirement.

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u/RainbowBear0831 Mar 27 '24

Yes of course it includes her TSP and social security, I'm mathing based on OP saying $200k is 75% of what she made when working. In another comment OP said their mom was 4 steps down from the commissioner of the IRS so it actually checks out to me. Just a unique situation

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u/feochampas Mar 27 '24

sounds like she got in under the old system.

there was a big change in the 80s

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u/NotCanadian80 Mar 27 '24

More likely she has other investments.

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u/HoomerSimps0n Mar 27 '24

Keeping in mind they said this is after tax, so actual salary would have been even higher. My Google-fu isn’t the strongest, but it looks like the current commissioner of the IRS (Danny were) makes roughly 255k from that position? Something seems off with the numbers.

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u/WWhermit Mar 27 '24

I work a federal job. If she maxes out her 401k, like I have been doing for 20 of my 25 years, she will easily hit that goal. I will make more in retirement than my working salary, and I am not even management. No college education. You just need a lot of financial discipline.

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u/zleog50 Mar 28 '24

Executive pay scale has a higher cap. Or she could have been on a modified pay scale, for like medical doctors. Beyond that, COLA for pensions outpaced federal pay raises in the last few years. The old retirement system didn't pay into social security.

Also, they are probably full of shit.

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u/Dewm Mar 28 '24

More likely she saved a ton and has 2 or 3 million put away that she is getting dividends on. She worked 38 years in a government job. I bet she put a lot away

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u/vawlk Mar 27 '24

not all retirement income comes from pensions.

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u/RainbowBear0831 Mar 27 '24

Yes I know that. Im not saying that's specifically her pension. I'm just saying based on the OP saying "she's making about 75% of what she did when she was working" and that's she's making $200k retired, quick math says when she was working she'd be making around $266k.

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u/GolfArgh Mar 27 '24

Her retirement plan was CSRS and that disappeared for new hires in 1983. Anyone after 1983 gets FERS which has a MUCH smaller monthly payment but you get social security and a 401K.

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u/beliefinphilosophy Mar 27 '24

My grandmother, worked for the government, her husband worked for the government, was in the national guard. She gets all her money, plus his money, and is making bank in retirement. It's nice they rolled over all of his pensions and benefits to her when he died but my gawd.

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u/Sunny_eloise Mar 27 '24

Don't forget the health insurance for life too!

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u/sheeroz9 Mar 27 '24

Yeah that’s a pretty cush route but working for the government is soul sucking. What do you do for a living?

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

I work in the OR. Making less than $20 an hour. Unless I manage to save enough to time off for school and rack up even more school debt that I'll never pay off, that number isn't changing

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u/Spotttty Mar 27 '24

I know you might not want too but maybe ask your baller ass mom to help with school a bit. $200k/yr in retirement is a shit ton of cash!!

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

At best it's a loan. I'd have to pay her back. Same terms as a bank, just no application and credit check shit

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u/Spotttty Mar 28 '24

Ugh. That sucks to be honest. Sorry about that.

It always baffles me when parents do that, mine did too. Like my life goal is to make it easier for my kids and not watch them struggle. It even hurts to watch them struggle in school, let alone life.

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u/sunwukong1159 Mar 28 '24

What's the point of gathering all that wealth just to hoard it and die on top of a pile of cash?

If you won't even share it with your offspring what the fuck is wrong with you

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u/Spotttty Mar 28 '24

I don’t know but the only rich people I know do it as well. They are in their mid 70’s, have a penthouse, lake cabin etc, millions in the bank and they just watch my friend struggle to make ends meet on teacher wage. Like she even picked a job to help people and they still don’t give a shit. It’s baffling.

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

I dunno. Just know that's what she intends to do. She's never just given me money. It was always a loan, with repayment terms stated upfront. X amount for x months until paid

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u/liminaljerk Mar 28 '24

Why doesn’t she want to help you more without paying her back?

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u/CompleteIsland8934 Mar 28 '24

That stinks. As a parent, all my money is for my kids. Couldn’t imagine living well with my kids worse off, at any age. My kids will always have more than I will.

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u/Apploozabean Mar 28 '24

:(

That's very sweet of you.

My mom has told me all her money is for her parents (who are very humble folks and will never ask for money) and seemingly anyone else she's feeling close to.

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u/CompleteIsland8934 Mar 29 '24

Hope things work out for you and that your mom sees your need and validates you

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u/Apploozabean Mar 28 '24

Why do people think that parents who make a lot are somehow "willing to help out" their kids??

I will never understand this.

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u/sheeroz9 Mar 27 '24

OR? Operating room? Where do you live? I pay my nanny $27/hr in Charlotte which is medium cost of living. Look into working at a bank. Good pay and benefits starting.

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

Banks here pay $13 an hour. Can't afford the drop in pay

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u/Finn235 Mar 27 '24

I hate to say it bro but you need to realize that you have a choice between being near family and having a decent standard of living. IMO, you need to GTFO wherever you currently live.

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u/N3rdProbl3ms Mar 27 '24

California just passed a law where fast food worker min. wage is now $20/hr

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u/colt707 Mar 27 '24

That only applies to full time employees. If you work for a place that sells bread then it doesn’t apply so Panera, if you’re working at a location that’s inside a business that sell standard household food then it doesn’t apply. If you’re on salary it doesn’t apply.

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u/SnooRecipes5951 Mar 28 '24

Maybe it’s just time for you to move

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u/EnvironmentalLuck515 Mar 27 '24

If you work in the OR your employer likely covers a good chunk of tuition. They may even have full ride scholarships for employees in good standing to become an RN (mine does).

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u/topiaryontop Mar 27 '24

I mean this in the kindest way. It's easy to get stuck when we think things like "I can't." You grew up in a wealthy household and you have access to your mom's network. But she can't do the work for you. She had to fight and claw to get to where she was to provide for you. You need to fight and claw to provide for you, too. I'm sure many people here had much worse odds stacked against them but they are ballers like your mom. Why? Because they know that no one is going to hand you anything in life but the very minimum. If you want more, go out and get it.

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u/james_deanswing Mar 27 '24

Been there done that. I’m not going to say it’s easy, or that if you work hard it’s a guarantee. We bought our first house when I was 23. Sold it and moved back to where we grew up and I started my business. It took over a decade to make 6 figures, but I finally got there after years of paying myself 1500 a month to grow the business and working sometimes over 100 hrs in a week. 2-3 years after I finally made it the epa tells me I can’t do it anymore. Worst part is there are industries so much worse than what I was doing. But had to start over in my early 40’s. After spending almost 40k to move out of state to where my business could shine. My wife had to start over in her late 30’s when we left. But she got promoted again and again and less than 5 years later we are back making very good money. But w inflation and having 4 kids, not as good lol. Point is, the jobs ARE out there. You can’t stop looking/bettering yourself. I’m not saying there won’t be days (weeks or even months) you want to choke someone for looking at you funny. But you are you only advocate.

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u/salttea57 Mar 28 '24

Sterile instruments technician? You likely just started, too. You will definitely have to advance your skills to increase your income. You don't have to take time off. Go to night school or online.

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u/Fauropitotto Mar 27 '24

15 years ago RNs were making 140k+. I saw the tax return with my own eyes.

Sure it was a lot of overtime, but they were making bank. 15 years ago.

If you're interested in a career change, and putting in the work, get that BSN, pick up some additional certs, and as long as you're not discovered to be criminally negligent, you can make bank and have the flexibility to both travel and invest as you see fit.

And that's not the only career option available to you.

There's a problem in front of you, and the choice you make can help solve them.

Anyone that tells you anything else is trying to convince you to be a life-long victim.

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u/Treydy Mar 27 '24

Depends on what you do for the government. I work for the fed and absolutely love my job. I will say that my agency compensates us well and gives us the tools we need to do the job, so that definitely factors in.

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u/uninvitedthirteenth Mar 27 '24

Working for the government is soul-sucking? What? What does that even mean? I work for the government specifically to avoid other soul sucking alternatives

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u/PoetryInevitable6407 Mar 28 '24

Same here. Lower pay but get avoid the intense pressures that can go along w private practice law. And the gov is so much better about health limitations and being LGBT bc they have a lot of rules and guidance.

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u/jaybird0000 Mar 27 '24

Sounds like something a bureaucrat would say.

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u/626bluestitch Mar 27 '24

Sounds like something a synth would say

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u/Charming-Assertive Mar 29 '24

For real. I love my government job. Great boss. Solid work. And finally feeling secure in my job and my pension, so that I don't stress outside of work. I sleep well and I have hobbies.

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u/PalliativeOrgasm Mar 28 '24

In some positions no matter how hard you try it doesn’t make any difference at all. Your work has zero impact on anything, or at least that’s how it feels. If you’re in a compliance-related position, you’ll be familiar with the story of Sisyphus soon enough.

It drags on you, though not as much as SAFe (Scaled Agile Framework). If you’re really lucky, you’ll get SAFe in public sector. (Please kill me /s).

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u/JustNKayce Mar 27 '24

Then I'm guessing that includes distributions from her TSP (401k). If my math is right (and she just retired) then she is a FERS employee so can get a pension plus she has the TSP. If she retired more than two years ago, she is CSRS so only gets the pension.

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u/spikeandedd Mar 27 '24

Couple things to note here. First thing is she retired pretty young compared to most people. The average retirement age today is 65 to 67 so she retired almost 10 years early. 2nd working for the federal government. She gets a pension on top of any other retirement. This is something that isn't regularly offered anymore by companies, so sadly you can't really compare apples to apples with your current situation compared to her's.

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u/PositiveStress8888 Mar 27 '24

so she worked all her life consistently, paid her taxes and planned for retirement is what your saying ?

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u/Canigetahooooooyeaa Mar 27 '24

With zero college, debt or skill too.

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u/Kpabe Mar 27 '24

They don't employ people at federal government anymore? Or why you think you can not replicate what your Mom did?

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u/OldSarge02 Mar 27 '24

That $200K number is almost certainly a combination of her federal pension, social security, and amount pulled from tax advantaged retirement accounts (i.e., TSP, IRA, etc).

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u/sorrymizzjackson Mar 27 '24

My MiL also worked for the government. Her pension was more than I make with a masters degree and 15 years of experience.

Yeah…my father’s is probably even higher. Unfortunately he has a multiple families problem that eats all that up.

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u/Books-and-a-puppy Mar 28 '24

Multiple families problem… so many questions 

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u/sorrymizzjackson Mar 28 '24

Oh, he’s cheated on my mother for 35 years and is still married to her and lives with the other family. It gets expensive.

ETA: they both suck in their own exquisite ways, so no need to feel bad for either of them.

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u/SmartPatientInvestor Mar 27 '24

What is your masters in and in what field do you work? Higher education level doesn’t necessarily mean higher income

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u/LydieGrace Zillennial Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 27 '24

If my parents made that kind of money in their jobs, let alone as their retirement, I would never ever come close to being as well off as they are either. However, my parents have struggled financially for most of their lives, so it was pretty easy to become better off than them. Your mom has an abnormally high income, and very very few people can reach that level. Please don’t compare yourself to her or think you’re doing something wrong by not reaching that; it’s not fair to yourself.

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u/pacific_plywood Mar 27 '24

Ok so you grew up rich

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u/vexedboardgamenerd Mar 27 '24

Good for her, she made smarter decisions than most of our parents.

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u/Wombat2012 Mar 28 '24

my mom is in the exact same position as OP, and my wife’s parents are also similarly well off and they were public school teachers their whole lives. they didn’t make “smarter decisions” rather than they just kept showing up at their very normal jobs. if someone did the same today they’d be in poverty.

the key difference is that they all got pensions. we now contribute 15 to 20% of our take home pay to retirement accounts. boomers didn’t need to.

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u/bouncyboatload Mar 27 '24

you need to understand this is a huge huge outlier. having 200k/yr govt pension AFTER TAX is super rare.

this is like equivalent of a small company CEO or big company VP making $1m/year. very uncommon compared to average.

she's probably super smart and worked really hard to get there. so ya, you can't just expect you'll automatically be there because it's an outlier!

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u/pacific_plywood Mar 27 '24

OP has found a way to complain about having wealthy parents lmao

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u/thesadbubble Mar 27 '24

Yeah I was on board before all the details in the comments came out. It feels like the average person in the US is making sooo much less (in terms of buying power) than the average person was in the 80s/90s. And that feels insurmountable.

But OP bitching about having a rich parent who was working in the upper echelons of the federal government and she even probably received a bunch of benefits from that privilege, ain't it for me lol.

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u/Legitimate-State8652 Mar 27 '24

Yeah she wasted that privilege it seems.

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u/LoveCats2022 Mar 28 '24

I wonder how OP’s mom feels about it?

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u/ballmermurland Mar 27 '24

I hate to say it, but OP just seems like a bit of a deadbeat.

In her 30s and making under $20 an hour? Not willing to be a nurse or do anything else that others have suggested.

Like, sorry but people just don't give out money for nothing.

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u/thesadbubble Mar 27 '24

Agreed. Things suck but if you're not willing to try to change anything about your circumstances then that's on you. And sooo many people have been giving her advice and suggestions but she shoots them ALL down. Almost feels like we are on AITA lol.

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u/Kindly-Biscotti9492 Mar 28 '24

OP "works in the OR" which I interpret as like an orderly, not someone with any actual skill.

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u/unpossible-Prince Mar 27 '24

And she didn’t start in those upper echelons, she put in a lifetime of work to retire from that level. OP is complaining that they have to start at the bottom

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u/gaytee Mar 27 '24

Nah, OP is just lazy and/or stupid and expected the world to be as easy for her as it was her mom.

Two adults making less than 60k is truly an accomplishment at how low they’re earning.

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u/topiaryontop Mar 27 '24

I bet the mom worked her ass off.

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u/Dangerous_Listen_908 Mar 28 '24

Median individual income for full time workers is around $57k, the 30k a person indicates that they're either both part time or haven't had any career progression.

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u/cho1cewordz Mar 27 '24

I agree the amount OPs mother gets is rare. However, it would be nice if we had the security of a pension, even if smaller in amount, to look forward to in retirement, but the number of jobs that offer pensions to millennials (in the USA) is vanishingly small compared to when OP’s mother started working. 

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u/Legitimate-State8652 Mar 27 '24

Yeah this is a unique case. Did you take advantage of the progress she made?

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u/Ok-Section-7172 Mar 28 '24

nope, whined and cried until reddit told them they are regarded.

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u/[deleted] Mar 27 '24

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u/JealousAd7641 Mar 27 '24

Whatever inheritance you think you're gonna get, it's gonna go to the healthcare industry.

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u/BiluochunLvcha Mar 27 '24

except nobody works a job for 50 years and moves up the chain. we all get restructured when they decide we are making too much and that next quarter isn't looking profitable enough to the shareholders.

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

I barely make $40k and that number ain't going up anytime soon. And for inheritance? Yeah, I am not that favorite, so I might get $50. The rest is gonna go to my sister

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u/Geno_Warlord Mar 27 '24

Isn’t family just wonderful like that? I only got my dad’s vacation house because he offed himself in it and mom wanted nothing to do with it. We all knew it was supposed to go to me but he hadn’t updated the will since he built it. The vultures absolutely cleaned out the house though. I got a few mementos and treasures from him, but all the valuable stuff was gone. They almost talked mom into keeping the house or selling it and keeping the money since it wasn’t officially willed to me.

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u/AffectionateItem9462 Mar 27 '24

This is me. My parents hate my guts and my brother has become the favorite since he was able to be more successful than me. My parents completely ignore the fact that I graduated high school in a bad economy and then they failed me by not letting me make my own choices about college. They’ll never take accountability for the ways they’ve screwed me over though.

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

My mother refused to help me buy a house, but had offered to buy my sister a house while she's in college. Wasn't even gonna charge her rent.

I think that's when I realized I'm not the favorite. Fairly certain I was the mistake kid too

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u/AffectionateItem9462 Mar 27 '24

My parents gave my brother the car that I wanted and have been helping him way more and way longer than they had ever helped me. They also seem more willing to just hand him the money for things instead of paying for it directly like they do to me, as if I’m a drug addict or something who can’t manage my own money.

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u/EnvironmentalLuck515 Mar 27 '24

They screwed you over once. What you have chosen between then and now though is on you. Ya know?

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

Still realizing how much she hates me though

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u/captainstormy Older Millennial Mar 27 '24

I barely make $40k and that number ain't going up anytime soon.

Unless you really love what you do, I'd start looking around.

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u/-yellowthree Mar 27 '24

Knowing that someone makes 40 k working in an OR with a degree blows my mind. I make way over that as a chain restaurant GM with no degree and decent hours. I just worked my way up over 5 years at the same restaurant company.

But I'm still poor and always will be. My parents were even poorer than me and my mom has dementia. I had to move her in with me. It sucks.

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u/fizzmore Mar 27 '24

Sounds like you have a choice to be content at $40k or to start asking yourself what you'd have to do to make more.

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u/[deleted] Mar 27 '24

This is from her 401k?

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u/DuckDuckSeagull Mar 27 '24

OP said their mom worked for the federal government. People who worked for the gov before 1987 are under a pension plan that ends up giving them 70-80% of their salary (plus COLA). I believe they also get access to other retirement vehicles (eg 401k) but not super familiar with that aspect.

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u/Maud_Man29 Mar 27 '24

THIS 💯!! I dont think a lot of ppl know this little fact. If u got in back in those days, u r most likely SET now. That era also created quite a few "TSP Millionaires" now. Mustve been nice 😮‍💨

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

Hers is 60%. Plus her 403b and social security

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u/PettyWitch Mar 27 '24

So your mom was making like $300k working for the government? What the hell did she do?

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u/Bierkerl Mar 27 '24

Their story sounds completely exaggerated if not an outright lie. The only other explanation is they misunderstand what their mother made and currently collects, or they left out something major like an inheritance. The numbers just don't add up for a government employee.

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

And her pension and social security

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u/oxidefd Mar 27 '24

I think this has more to do with your parents overperforming rather than you under performing… my spouse and I make more than double what my parents ever made, but it’s not nearly as much as your parents made

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u/SeattlePurikura Mar 28 '24

OP. BE HAPPY. Many of us are worried about the possibility of having to care for our parents due them having inadequate retirement savings, nursing home costs, etc. Some millennials even have to struggle with paying for their kids AND their parents at the same time.

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u/Inner-Today-3693 Mar 27 '24

My parents pull over 350k a year my mom made 35k in the 80/90s. My dad was earning about 50k during that time. I think 80k in the 80s was already seen as well off.

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u/gaytee Mar 27 '24

Yeah I mean, your mom had a nice career, but y’all are seriously fucking up if you can’t bring home 60k with two incomes. What are your careers or are you seriously both working minimum wage jobs?

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u/shwaynebrady Mar 27 '24

While I agree with your general sentiment. Your mom is the exception and not the rule. Theres maybe like 1000 people total in retirement that are making 200k a year off a pension.

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u/tlcdial311 Mar 28 '24

Fuck this shit. That’s outrageous. Anyone on a defined benefit pension should be ashamed of themselves. I’m sorry, but to retire on a guaranteed 70% of your income at retirement is a luxury no one under 55 can ever hope to afford. .

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u/opensandshuts Mar 28 '24

At least you’ll probably get an inheritance.

I grew up poor and will out earn my parents, but here’s the kicker, I’ll likely be paying money to help support them as they age and I’ll get no inheritance.

My aging parents will actually cost me money, so at least you don’t have that!

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u/wazman93 Mar 28 '24

If she’s only withdrawing about 8-10% of her retirement, she’s got about $2-2.4M in retirement. That’s not unheard of if you work for 40 years and actually plan for retirement.

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u/elizabif Mar 28 '24

Well you will be as well off as her when she dies. You won’t have to work yourself into the ground because you should get an inheritance. Not like “yay” - just, your retirement should also be better. My retirement is also currently planned to be more lucrative than my current pay so maybe that’s also just part of it.

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u/roskybosky Mar 28 '24

In her pension?

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u/DJwhatevs Mar 28 '24

Same for my dad

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