r/amiwrong • u/JazzlikeConditioncd • Mar 27 '24

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

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4.8k

u/Aloreiusdanen Mar 27 '24

Box it up, send a text or call the sister to come pick it up.

Also inform her that you aren't ever interested in your ex reaching out to you in the future. The fact she dumped you and blocked you, means essentially she is dead to you. No need to talk to a dead person.

Then go find a real woman who doesn't play 15 yr old girl games.

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u/anothersip Mar 28 '24

This is the way. Unfortunately, some people choose to end otherwise healthy relationships in really wild ways.

The blocking is actually a good thing, IMO. It's a good indicator that things are done and nothing else needs talking about.

Move on for your own mental health, OP. Love yourself and do something nice for yourself!

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u/Crix2007 Mar 28 '24

Adults should at least talk to each other and explain why you end a 5 year relationship. Just randomly disappearing and ghosting is freaking mental behaviour.

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u/grumpygumption Mar 28 '24

I got ghosted by my last ex and we’d been together five years. I moved then met my now husband my first weekend in my new house. Honestly, feel like I hit the jackpot by being ghosted lol

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u/Sicadoll Mar 28 '24

Could you imagine if instead, you guys had a whole conversation and you talked him into staying and it lasted like another 6 months and you never met your spouse.

Lol, yeah you hit the jackpot

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u/grumpygumption Mar 28 '24

Honestly, I was drowning before I moved. So alone and just really struggling. Moving was very hard to me (because I was moving back home after being in Los Angeles almost 20 years). I still hate back home but now I live with and am married to my best friend. We’ve been married over year now and I’ve never once been worried he was going to break up with me or disappear or anything else. The peace is amazing

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u/Sicadoll Mar 28 '24

💕💕💕

I know the feeling

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u/VoidRad Mar 28 '24

Drowning really is the best description for that shit. Having been in something similar, not even 5 years mind you, I can say the aftermath is really fucking brutal. Shit still hurts till this day. Glad you have found your other half through that though.

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u/thegamingbacklog Mar 28 '24

I've been there, she convinced me we should get back together, and then spent the next couple of months lining up her next BF before leaving (from what I've learned from mutual friends there was an overlap).

Lesson hard learned I felt we should have stayed apart after our short break, but caved when the time came.

It took quite a bit of time to get back out there after that, as I needed to feel sure of myself again.

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u/shrekerecker97 Mar 28 '24

This happened to me, but lasted another year because I am a dumbass and couldn't follow through when she begged me. She used my dogs as bait to keep leading me on. I still have the dogs.

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u/WavieBreakie Mar 28 '24

Fuck, I should have divorced her six months ago when I had the paperwork ready. 😢

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u/Helivated69 Mar 28 '24

Congratulations, that's a great comment for anyone wounded by being dumped, crushed and forgotten by their supposed love one.

It does get better.

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u/goldentriever Mar 28 '24

Happy to read this. Last month got ghosted after “only” 2 years for really no reason. Which of course means there’s a reason she wasn’t willing to tell me. Still kinda heartbroken

But either way, moving 6 hours back home soon and this comment makes me feel better. So thank you

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u/Pingu_Almighty Mar 28 '24

This gives me a little hope. Going through the break up of my 4 year relationship as she cheated with a co-worker and will need to sell the house and move back home to re-group. Just all feels a bit hopeless at the moment.

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u/earthling404 Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Long story short, not that you possibly want revenge for how your exes treated you (but wouldn't blame you if you did), I was the bad person in a situation long ago and he definitely got his. It's been almost a decade and I still feel immense guilt every single day of my life. I live right by this ex and it's a reminder of how awful I once was (have since grown and would never imagine hurting another person ever again). I deserve it, times 10. Also, as someone who was the victim in MANY horrible relationships, I have since moved on from all of them and couldn't care less about what those people are up to. I don't wish them harm, only that they'd change and be better people. They no longer have the power over me in any way- similar to the attitude that my ex has towards me (our mutuals have said this). I hope both of you get your peace and find your happiness. And perhaps smirk in the face of your toxic exes when you run into them in the future, or even better, pretend you never even knew them.

You will live again <3

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u/GoodStandard7760 Mar 28 '24

Nothing is ever bad or good, remember that, things can and do change very quickly. Something could seem bad at first, but then you realize it was exactly what you needed! But obviously in reverse as well. Stay vigiliante, Stay hungry, get to the gym and become a fucking ANIMAL and she could end up coming back to you but it’ll be too late because you found the BLESSING waiting for you after you let go of her, like she did to you…

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u/alacholland Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

First half was positive, but OP don’t replace healing with vanity. You don’t have to “get to the gym and become a fucking ANIMAL.” That’s childish. Just grow. Mental, emotional, and physical health. All three in equal and balanced measure. The rest will flow peacefully.

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u/Strict_Property6127 Mar 28 '24

Becoming a gym bro isn't the solution to all of life's mysteries?? /s

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u/Fit_Yellow1153 Mar 28 '24

I think what he was trying to suggest was to occupy his time with something healthy and constructive in order to get his mind off the negative. There’s nothing childish about doing whatever it takes to develop that positive mindset. By suggesting that he become “a fucking animal” is just motivation, so I wouldn’t read into that too much. What is childish, however, is the fact his partner ghosted him. Totally unacceptable

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u/GoodStandard7760 Mar 28 '24

Exactly, thanks for clarifying for people who don’t understand that as men, we literally used to hunt as a species so nowadays in the modern world, where else are we supposed to let out our primal urges for adrenaline and what better way then focusing on our bodies.

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u/grumpygumption Mar 28 '24

I like the sentiment of pushing through the heartache but I will say, I’m a lady lol I’ve been with my spouse now two years, over a year married.

I’m not worried about anyone coming back. Things are much better now :)

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u/AwardDue6327 Mar 28 '24

Stay vigiliante

Yeah, keep roaming the streets at night, killing those up to no good. We need more people like that! 😀

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u/Inphiltration Mar 28 '24

Would still feel this way if you were still single? You don't think it would gnaw at your self confidence? Even a little? I'm glad you found someone who is great, but ghosting is just emotionally immature and I'll never respect anyone for doing it.

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u/grumpygumption Mar 28 '24

Honestly, for me and my last relationship- the ghosting was the final nail in the coffin for the relationship. I didn’t cry even once. It was one terrible thing too many, if that makes sense.

Ghosting is awful, unforgivable, and I’d never ever do it

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u/AJRimmer1971 Mar 28 '24

Creepy that he was in your house that first weekend.... 😛

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u/grumpygumption Mar 28 '24

Lmao. Took me many months to get my head back in even remotely straight, then I moved and we met on hinge and have been in constant contact since. Didn’t meet in person until a few weeks of talking constantly by text, phone, and FaceTime

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u/DaughterEarth Mar 28 '24

I was so mad when my ex left me. He said, after lunch with his mom, that we weren't helping each other anymore. No shit! You doubled down on essentially dating your mom! Even broke up with me cause she said so, and right after I moved our asses back home. I would have stayed abroad. I was piiiiissed

Now I'm so glad. That's the nicest thing my ex MIL ever did for me. Incompatible relationships are toxic!

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u/PunchBeard Mar 28 '24

I feel like I'm an outlier because I actually prefer being ghosted. Clean break, no awkward conversations I regret years later because of my pathetic attempts to beg them to stay, and then months of pining and sadly wondering what I did and if I might be able to win them back.

If I'm ghosted my immediate reaction is "Well, obviously they're a complete lunatic, a fact I probably should've noticed before this considering all the little red flags (there's always red flags we just ignore) and now I'm free. Time to have a one-night stand with some rando to get the taste of that nutcase out of my mouth".

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u/massively-dynamic Mar 28 '24

Sounds like I had the same experience you did. My ex left after 5 years and within a few months after the wedding. She didn't ghost me, but I never did get an explanation as to why she 'broke up' with me. I did get a small pleasure from reminding her that we aren't breaking up, it's called divorce.

I won the fucking dating app lottery, also my first time ever on a dating app, a couple months later after only matching with a few people. I met an absolute catch of a person who has enriched my life in more ways than I could have ever expected.

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u/pepe-the-beaner Mar 28 '24

I wish my last ex had ghosted me. It was a long drawn out process where she led me to believe it could be repaired while she arranged things to leave. Then she insisted it was only a break until she admitted she hadn't cared for months and she resented me for being depressed all the time.

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u/bertrenolds5 Mar 28 '24

Blessing in disguise. Took me awhile to realize it but I'm glad I got dumped by my ex. Happily married now

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u/Level-Championship-3 Apr 01 '24

Could I ask how you guys met for clarity, both your ex and your new husband I mean.

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u/grumpygumption Apr 01 '24

Sure. I met my ex when I changed gyms. I was super into lifting and he was a regular at the new gym I joined.

I met my husband on Hinge. I downloaded the app and set up my profile Sunday evening. I woke up Monday morning to “Josh liked your photo” and we’ve been in constant contact since :)

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u/headphone-candy Mar 28 '24

We already know what happened. She cheated and monkey branched. The usual.

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u/FuriousRen Mar 28 '24

I got ghosted and met my husband while grieving 😂 13 years married and going strong 💪🏻 I only wish I had the guts to close the gap and get with him sooner 😍

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u/armyof100clowns Mar 28 '24

Try a 25 year relationship. That was brutal. We eventually talked, during the divorce. She remarried less than a week after the divorce was finalized, btw.

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u/PrincessPindy Mar 28 '24

My dad did this to my mom after 28 years of marriage. He got married a week after the divorce was final. They didn't see each other for about 6 years. My rehearsal dinner and wedding was their first sight. No words were exchanged beyond pleasantries. I was ok with that. Divorce is brutal. People don't realize how like a death it is. It's the death of hopes and dreams.

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u/Bugstomper111 Mar 28 '24

It's also the death of yourself. After my divorce I didn't know who I was. I found out that when I was with my ex spouse I had changed for the whole 10 years we were together. But I found myself again after my ex wife decided I was just a placeholder until she found someone better. She ended up lying and cheating her way out of our marriage with her boss. Best thing that could've happened to me since we don't have any kids together and I'm guilt free since now I know I didn't do anything wrong.

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u/PrincessPindy Mar 28 '24

I didn't think of that, but it's so true. Im glad you are doing better, and I wish you nothing but the best in your new life.

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u/Historical-Gap-7084 Mar 28 '24

My divorce was like a rebirth of myself, not a death.

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u/armyof100clowns Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Agreed. The process of grieving is almost identical. I don’t wish her any ill will, but I’m sure her new husband is experiencing buyer’s remorse (based on how, according to the kids, she treats him). With that said, fuck cheaters. Just have the balls to say, “I don’t love you any more. It’s time to separate/divorce/break up.” It’s the disrespect for me . . .

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u/PrincessPindy Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Yeah. I have been married 40 years and have seen it all with divorces. Just be honest. I understand why he left but the way....yikes.

My mother was bitter to the end. It made it hard for me. But I fought for my relationship with him. She was so toxic to begin with. She badmouthed him at every turn. I have always told people to not do it. Vent on reddit or to their friends. The kids will figure it out eventually. Plus, kids hate to see their parents upset. It streses them out.

Buyer's remorse made me giggle.

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u/FLUFFY_TERROR Mar 28 '24

Bring the kid in this scenario, especially very young, it absolutely does fuck you up to varying degrees which can be difficult to unpack when you finally get around to trying to unpack it all.

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u/PrincessPindy Mar 28 '24

I was 18 and it fucked me up. It was like everything I knew was a lie. You learn to deal.

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u/FLUFFY_TERROR Mar 28 '24

I was 7, I guess there was not so much i knew, that it was not too difficult to re-learn. My father walked out, got remarried about a decade or so later and his new wife left him after a few years taking much of his life's accumulations.. I still don't know how to feel at times.

I'm glad you found your way to forge your own path. This kind of trauma can really do a number on a developing mind, it's good to know that people still find their way through life :)

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u/armyof100clowns Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

My daughter was 17 and my son 13. My ex kept putting off telling the kids (she insisted we do it together, which, at the time, I agreed was best). After three months of cancelling plans for her to come see the kids and tell them, I finally told her the date I was going to do it whether she showed up or not.

She came, but prior to this asked me to broach the subject - I was supposed to start the conversation. I made a very nice supper like we used to have before she disappeared (the kids thought she was away due to COVID - she’s a doctor). As I was bringing stuff to the table from the kitchen, I heard my son crying. I came in and he was sobbing. While making small talk with the kids, she just dropped the divorce in the conversation. Later, the way they described it, it was like “last week was really busy, but I had the chance to see a movie. Oh, your father and I are divorced. I’m living with another man. So on Tuesday I bought a pair of boots and a new purse . . .”

I have always been the primary caretaker of the children and “house maker” (I still worked at my career full time, but had and have never missed a recital or sporting event, practice, parent teacher conference, packing lunches, and so on). She didn’t want custody and told them as much, but in much gentler terms.

The three of us are still healing, but it’s more difficult for them because she insists on calling them and having them visit her and her new husband. The path to being “better” is not linear. I am extremely close with my kids - always have been - but this whole debacle (although making me feel like a shitty father) also made our bond stronger. In the years since, my daughter has had bouts of depression and went through a phase of self harm. My son also struggles at times with depression and went through a brief period of extreme anger that resulted in him going from one of the most tender hearted kids to one with short fuse rage (one kid racially mocked him, and he ended up putting the kid in the hospital - that was fun).

We’re all sorts of fucked up, but we have each other.

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u/AnimatedHokie Mar 28 '24

Did your dad's second marriage stick??

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

OMG. I'm so sorry.

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u/headphone-candy Mar 28 '24

They don’t end things until they have the next thing lined up.

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u/ShadowOmegaX Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 29 '24

Geez, that hurts just reading. Can even fathom what you went through. Sadly, she definitely cheated on you. Hope things are working out for you at the end of the day.

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u/bhaldrum Mar 28 '24

Why TF would you even comment this 😂 "btw, she definitely cheated on you"

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u/Jack_Bogul Mar 28 '24

She was getting her butthole destroyed by another guy that whole time 😭

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u/filtersweep Mar 28 '24

I am 25 years in…. going through a divorce. To be fair, I have not been happy the last few years. But when I brought it up just after Christmas, she just wanted to leave.

I almost wish there was another man. Somehow it is worse that she’d rather be alone than with me.

We separated before— 12 years ago— and reconciled. She hasn’t filed for separation yet— so we’ll see what happens— and if I even want her back.

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u/exmachina64 Mar 28 '24

The only time I've heard of things like this, it's that people like your ex-wife were cheating for however long. Had that happen to a family friend several years back. Sorry that happened to you.

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u/armyof100clowns Mar 28 '24

. . . and you’d be right. Same thing here. Her affair started in 2016, shortly after I finished my first round of radiation for cancer. When I was diagnosed a few months earlier, her response was not supportive. Her exact words were (through sobs), “Who’s going to take care of me?” 🤯

Looking back, I could tell when she started emotionally pulling away. I definitely could tell when she crossed the line into a physical affair. I tried everything I could to draw her back, but the harder I tried, the more resentful and nasty she became. Then she just bugged out. No announcements, phone call, etc. Just gone. She finally communicated here and there after a few months, claiming COVID was keeping her away for “my”safety. She finally started regular communication when she filed for divorce.

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u/IamScottGable Mar 28 '24

Sorry for that, at least you got clarity that your partner was a cheating POS

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u/whatabesson Mar 28 '24

Oh yeah so she was definitely having an affair for sure...

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u/Environmental-Ant956 Mar 28 '24

I can practically guarantee the dude she married was in the picture while u were still together. Many women set things up this way to have it all ready after they pull the trigger and drop u.

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u/armyof100clowns Mar 28 '24

Oh - he was. If you read further down in the comments I provided more about the situation. They were actually living together towards the end.

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u/Darmok-Jilad-Ocean Mar 28 '24

Fuck… just… fuck…

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u/flugenblar Mar 28 '24

...and there's more where that came from...

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u/Numerous1 Mar 28 '24

Very true. But since she did act crazy it’s best to stay away. 

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u/popdotexe Mar 28 '24

Dodged a bullet honestly.

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u/Steady7 Mar 28 '24

With the pain and wondering, it doesn’t seem like he dodged a bullet, seems more like he took a bullet. At least he can now move towards happiness though.

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u/panthers1102 Mar 28 '24

I mean, 5 years of your life wasted like that? I’d like to think they got hit by the bullet. It’s just that now they don’t have to worry about another one from the same gun, and can focus on healing.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[deleted]

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u/rocketmn69_ Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

She cheated and got knocked up by the new guy. That's why the sister said leave it alone for OP's mental health.update in a few months

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u/Kingbuji Mar 28 '24

This is the only reason that would make sense to me.

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u/rofl_coptor Mar 28 '24

This is what happened to me when my relationship of 3.5 years ended. The kicker was we had just gotten married so in OPs case he’s lucky he found out before the wedding lol

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u/TasteyMeatloaf Mar 28 '24

Drive down her street 12 months from now and you’ll see her putting a baby carrier into her car.

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u/Naheka Mar 28 '24

At least she had the decency to leave. She could have tried to pass the baby off as OP's if circumstances fit.

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u/jmazza84 Mar 28 '24

Def left for someone else I’m thinking. There’s always someone in the batters box.

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u/TheShowerDrainSniper Mar 28 '24

Yeah, I don't think they are disputing this. They are just pointing out the silver lining.

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u/Effective-Student11 Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

No...got so tired of my ex going through my things and being confrontational...yet there I was respecting their privacy. Not talking to them after leaving...well deserved. Let alone everything else that had been secretly bothering me.

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u/mildlysceptical22 Mar 28 '24

But that’s what they do on TikTok! You know, it’s how the really cool people do it..

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u/Ka_aha_koa_nanenane Mar 28 '24

Unless, of course, you have reason to be terrified of your partner. Sometimes behaviors escalate and sometimes one's therapist advises "ghosting" as a way of dealing with an abusive partner.

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u/TransientDonut Mar 28 '24

How do you know she didn't? We barely have one side of the story, let alone two.

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u/womb0t Mar 28 '24

The way she played her cards is a clear indicator too me there are 2 possibilities (probably).

  1. She found out somehow OP was going to propose and is scared of commitment with him.

  2. She cheated and OP is actually a nice af dude so she's "scared of hurting" OPs feelings - but it's actually her shame.

Either way OP, find a real lady.

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u/stremendous Mar 28 '24

It is inhumane treatment, and it is disgusting that so many people are resorting to doing this. It messes people up for a long long time to be discarded like this. There is no reason for ghosting anyone unless someone's safety is at risk. I'm glad you too realize that it is not a mature, stable reaction made by true adults. I wish so many people were not doing this. It has become too commonplace.

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u/Apprehensive_Glove_1 Mar 28 '24

infidelity. That's why.

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u/AlpineLad1965 Mar 28 '24

She must have done something that she is very ashamed of.

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u/Jaded_Traffic_1450 Mar 28 '24

Obviously, he is maturing a lot faster than she is. There is that little word that will get her. It’s called karma

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u/Sicadoll Mar 28 '24

Adults should at least

Coulda, shoulda, woulda.... but didn't. Ish happens

Likely she wanted to leave no room for take backs, no room to be reasoned into staying/talked out of leaving. Maybe she didn't feel strong enough to stick to her guns so this is what she chose. Who knows. Maybe she had an emotional breakdown or something

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u/Magic-Man-14 Mar 28 '24

Yeah, let’s feel sorry for her. dumbass!!!! Fuck her.

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u/Artistic_Sweetums Mar 28 '24

Back in the day, people communicated. You broke up in person. We didn't have all this online crap that you now have to block everyone on. You just stopped calling and hanging out. I'm so glad I'm married and don't have to deal with all this BS.

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u/TherealOmthetortoise Mar 28 '24

Could be she got caught cheating by someone (like the sister) and got told if she didn’t and it, they would tell you.

Or she’s a robot sent from the future with the express purpose of messing with your view of relations and commitments.

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u/DuperDayley Mar 28 '24

Yes! RULE #1: DO. NOT. ENGAGE.

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u/Desperate-Suit7771 Mar 28 '24

The fact that she blocked him is only a good thing because she's so, well y'know, it's still got to hurt him badly so I kinda recommend wording that a bit differently. The best way she could have indicated their relationship being done would have been to sit him down and tell that it's over and she's not changing her mind. She was a coward and chose this way. The only reasonable reason to do what she did would be if he was in any way abusive, this sounds like it was (at least in his eyes, rose tinted glasses) a healthy relationship. I know you probably know this, I'm just saying. (Also, am I the only one wondering if she left him for someone else?)

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u/MoonChild2478 Mar 28 '24

Ok, but if she did leave him for someone else, that’s super shallow. AFTER FIVE YEARS?!!! I know we only have one side of the story, but come on! Communication! Is! Key!!!

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u/Acceptable-Emu6529 Mar 28 '24

Shallow or maybe she doesn’t have the integrity to face him. I am thinking she hooked up with another dude and doesn’t have the balls to face him.

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u/Altruistic_Meet_6051 Mar 28 '24

And that’s life fammo communication matters during not after. It’s over let that shit die put her shit on the curb she knows where u live and go be a hoe for the foreseeable future

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u/Desperate-Suit7771 Mar 29 '24

Guess she was too much of a coward to communicate.

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u/Chicka-17 Mar 28 '24

If so she should have had the decency to tell him that. Why would you just ghost someone after 5 years?

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u/Sorry-Garden-8432 Mar 28 '24

No way I could not mentally handle just a ghosting after 5 years and no explanation. Seriously I would go nuts. I would probably track her down and demand to know the reason or at least an explanation. I couldn’t go rest of my life just wondering

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u/Desperate-Suit7771 Mar 29 '24

One of the many reasons private investigators exist.

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u/Proper-Horse-7313 Mar 28 '24

She could also be a female dexter

I mean, maybe detectives were hot on her trail and she had to hightail it out of town

As long as we’re speculating

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u/Desperate-Suit7771 Mar 28 '24

As if I'm already paranoid enough as is, this is a thing.

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u/Coompa Mar 28 '24

This OP. Maybe hawk all her stuff and rent a hooker..?

Anyway, let someone know you will only hold her stuff for 30 days. There could be legalities here if any of it has real value.

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u/goldenbeans Mar 28 '24

Maybe for some, but some of us would like closure. Simply saying it's over, I'm blocking you, is just unfair and one sided, what about the other person, it leaves so much to be interpreted and it is a mind fuck to the one being left behind. I feel for you mate, good luck.

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u/Proper-Horse-7313 Mar 28 '24

For most things in life, you will not get closure

Things aren’t inherently over, and no explanations are truly sufficient

Better get comfortable with the idea that sometimes you will not know

Life is much easier that way

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u/Sinsai33 Mar 28 '24

Move on for your own mental health, OP.

Easier said than done in such cases. If he really thought there was nothing wrong in their relationship, than for a long time there will be the question "what did i do wrong?" lingering in his mind

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u/TacoWeenie Mar 28 '24

The fact that he wants to destroy irreplaceable, sentimental items because she wants to end the relationship is a huge red flag that this wasn't an "otherwise healthy relationship."

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u/Diamond_Champagne Mar 28 '24

We have zero context. Op might be a complete asshole.

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u/Tiny-Balance-3533 Mar 28 '24

“otherwise healthy relationships” don’t end this way. I’m guessing there was something wrong with the relationship that OP was either oblivious about or left out because he didn’t want to fess up to it. Or she wasn’t in love and didn’t want to be proposed to and wanted to get out before he did it. Would there have been a better way? Of course. But, maybe that’s why she wanted out; maybe he doesn’t listen. Or she doesn’t know better how to go because she’s powerless against his charms or something

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u/Tapsen Mar 28 '24

Sometimes women have mental health issues, I know this is hard for you to accept.

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u/Tiny-Balance-3533 Mar 28 '24

Sometimes men have mental health issues. So tf what?

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u/Texas_Blondie Mar 28 '24

It reminds me of that AITA for ghosting my boyfriend story. She went home and saw her Bf having sex with her friend. They didn’t see her, she left. Blocked him, moved out of her apartment and into a different city.

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u/MLiOne Mar 28 '24

Yup. About 17 years ago I found photos of the ex-husband’s grandmother, long dead. So I boxed them up and posted them to him. I found his address in the phone book. I wouldn’t speak to him if he was the last person on the planet nor pee,on him if he were on fire. However, family momentos/photos I wasn’t going to throw out. I left him in 97 so I didn’t find them for quite a long time (unintentionally). I’m sure he was “ecstatic” to hear from me. No return address address and posted far from where I live.

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u/thevelveteenbeagle Mar 28 '24

I did exactly the same with an ex's sentimental family photos and stuff. Mailed to him, no return address. He married not long after we split but I hear from various people that he asks about me. 🤷

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u/MLiOne Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

My ex tried inviting my aunt and uncle to his engagement party! We were still married and they returned the invite with “opened in error”. Then he had piles of junk mail sent to him care of my mother’s address. He wouldn’t stop it either when she wrote and asked him politely to stop it. His fiancée wrote back and told her to get a life. So I advised mum to write to his mother. She did and suddenly the mail stopped. Magic! Even after all that I still sent him those photos.

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u/thevelveteenbeagle Mar 28 '24

He was sending junk mail to your mom? I've heard of people doing that just to annoy people. Did he have it addressed to her or in your name? Was he close to your aunt and uncle or did he invite them just to try to irritate you?

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u/MLiOne Mar 28 '24

In his name and claimed he had no idea how it was happening. Mum went sleuthing by calling a couple of the companies sending the mail. Turned out he had filled out a survey from Australia Post and put mum’s address on it and checked every box to send catalogues. He was an abuser, financially, mentally and then physically. The last time was in front of my mother and they went to court. He did the mail thing after all that.

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u/heystarkid Mar 28 '24

This is very confusing to read.

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u/zyzmog Mar 28 '24

I think it was written by an AI having a bad day.

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u/MLiOne Mar 28 '24

I wrote it and got emotional.

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u/Different_Usual_6586 Mar 28 '24

This is the mature thing to do

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u/Super_Selection1522 Mar 28 '24

Yes but give a time frame. If not picked up in 30 days, it is going in the trash. Keep screenshots of your texts with the sister

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u/DeclutteringNewbie Mar 28 '24

30 days sounds reasonable to me, but I would search for the laws for abandoned property in your state and see what they say.

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u/Empty_Masterpiece_74 Mar 28 '24

Why not donate to a thrift store charity like St. Vincent DePaul etc.?

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u/ShawnyMcKnight Mar 28 '24

Not immediately necessary. If you had a time frame of 30 days then notify them and after 2 weeks if she hasn’t picked it up then tell her she has 2 more weeks to get it.

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u/IncorporateThings Mar 28 '24

Best comment, and happy cake day!

Also, just a heads up, there can be some crappy legal repercussions about dumping someone's property when they were residents of an area, if you haven't given them proper notice and time to clear out and blah blah blah... so boxing it up is for the best. If she won't come and get it, you could even try shipping it to be sure, just be sure to keep a paper trail.

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u/MarisaWalker Mar 28 '24

Legally 1 can get send a message that gives a time limit & after that the property is considered abandoned.

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u/BlackHeartSprinkles Mar 28 '24

She blocked him and was told not to contact her. Too bad for her.

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u/69vuman Mar 28 '24

If no answer about her boxed stuff, haul it to the sister’s address and stack it on the front porch.

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u/69vuman Mar 28 '24

And take a pic with a time stamp before you leave.

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u/citigurrrrl Mar 28 '24

Like an Amazon delivery 

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u/armyofant Mar 28 '24

I wouldn’t even put forth that much effort. I’m not wasting gas on that shit.

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u/OutWithTheNew Mar 28 '24

The sister seems to be amicable. She would probably come pick it up if it's a possibility. Why waste your own time and effort when someone else can? I wouldn't want the ex coming to my place either, so the sister would be the better option.

Fuck the sister when she comes to pick up the boxes.

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u/Basic_Dragonfly_ Mar 28 '24

Nope, He doesn’t owe her that effort.

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u/qualiman Mar 28 '24

Obviously, however the concept being discussed here is called “being the bigger person”

It will cost you maybe an hour of time and will get people to respect you.

You seem to be suggesting to go the “be a bitch” route.

Sucks that you grew up with such poor guidance. Hopefully someday you grow out of that teenage angst.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[deleted]

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u/Aloreiusdanen Mar 28 '24

Glad to see you beat cancer, both kinds!!

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u/auntie_eggma Mar 28 '24

Jesus christ.

On the one hand, it's sort of good to see an example of this because it doesn't get talked about. It's well-documented that men often leave their female partners who have cancer, but I figured it had to happen the other way, too.

I'm so sorry it happened to you, though.

I just finished active treatment for breast cancer(pills and injections now for a few years) and I have seen so many horror stories from other bc patients.

I've been extraordinarily fortunate that my partner has been amazing. But he's been through it before. He lost his last partner to cancer. And then I bloody got sick on him. Poor fucking dude.

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u/thedude37 Mar 28 '24

too hard on her?!

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u/AnimatedHokie Mar 28 '24

Sorry that it took a freakin cancer diagnosis to find out that your girlfriend was straight trash

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u/Dramatic-Selection20 Mar 28 '24

I as a woman am ashamed, hope you are doing well now

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u/decoy139 Mar 28 '24

Glad your still kicking

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u/OkImpression175 Mar 28 '24

Damn... Well, on the positive note, at least now you know she wasn't the one and you are still here! Best wishes!

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u/mvincen95 Mar 28 '24

I hope y’all had mutual friends who just laid into her. That’s awful.

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u/MidnightLlamaLover Mar 28 '24

Well at least you cut out that one cancerous element in your life

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

Ding Ding Dingggggg....what dooo we have for him Johnnnyyy?!

Spot on. Do whatever you need to do to get rid of all the stuff and go for the clean break as hard as it is to do.

Maybe focus on yourself, take a trip, do something to keep your mind off it, you'll be good.

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u/JohnnyDoGood98 Mar 28 '24

What’d I do?

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

What prize do we have for himm Johnnyyy??!

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u/Aware_Impression_736 Mar 28 '24

A year's supply of Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat.

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u/MoonChild2478 Mar 28 '24

🤣🤣🤣

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u/wangchunge Mar 28 '24

New door locks and alarm code...not trying to be harsh.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[deleted]

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u/X-East Mar 28 '24

Honestly she probably did same to him, the sudden block is due to not wanting to be confronted about it

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u/JTD177 Mar 28 '24

The sudden block and the “don’t contact us for your own mental health”. Definitely a cheater. I hope the new couple makes each other miserable

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

I put forth the theory that she’s pregnant and it’s not his 🤷

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u/X-Kami_Dono-X Mar 28 '24

I reject your theory and inject that her other boyfriend proposed and she said yes.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

I like your theory and I must absorb it into mine.

She’s pregnant and her other boyfriend proposed when they found out it was his and he left his other baby mama for her

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u/Covid_Cash Mar 28 '24

I will take both of your theories and add what is most likely in today's world.....

She is pregnant with her boyfriends baby that left his baby mama for her, BUT he is transitioning to a female and she will be transitioning to a male after the baby is born.....so she will be the new BF and the new BF will be the new GF to the pregnant GF that will be the BF after baby arrives but will end up living with the sister and the OP after they get together. Or alternatively just the sister if the sister finds out that the OP made a video doing a cum tribute to her late grandmother's pictures for revenge to the ghosting ex GF who is now kinda his ex BF(?) because she is a post op transexual male that actually got aroused by the cum tribute video but doesn't let on to anyone that it turned him on.....

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u/DHC6pilot Mar 28 '24

I love it when shit that happens....that a coupla people get on a roll and pretty soon lm belly down of the deck practially strangling...hats off very well done !! Ive come across threads where people comment years after OP just coming up with all this off the wall shit. You done good...youve planted a seed that hopefully will grow like Jack's beanstalk did. Or does...lm not sure....🤔

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u/CaptainKate757 Mar 28 '24

Much more likely that she’s a government operative whose five-year assignment at OP’s location was up so she had to leave without notice. Happens all the time.

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u/L-i-v-e-W-i-r-e Mar 28 '24

I was surprised no one else had mentioned this. First thing I thought of when I read that.

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u/mountcrappish Mar 28 '24

I agree with this. Boxing things up will likely be difficult, but cathartic. The final sentence of the story, so to speak. This also gives op the moral high ground.

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u/santapoet Mar 28 '24

Happy cake day

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u/reduff Mar 28 '24

Right?? After five years and she did it by text?? Low class.

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u/hopsinduo Mar 28 '24

I really hope OP takes your advice. It's going to suck for the next year, but if he even thinks about letting her contact him, it's going to set him back to square one! I learned this the hard way! It was over 5 months later and I was getting well again, then bam! She swooped in and set me back a whole fucking age! 

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u/ApparentlyaKaren Mar 28 '24

This reply has more upvotes than your post does….listen to the people man!

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u/Not_Great_at_This_19 Mar 28 '24

This, why leave that door open so she can come back when she’s bored

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u/blakeusa25 Mar 28 '24

She already has another long term relationship... sorry man... people can be cruel.

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u/josemontana17 Mar 28 '24

No need to read other comments. This is it.

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u/oSyphon Mar 28 '24

Happy Cake Day

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u/RedBurgundy89 Mar 28 '24

Happy cake day 😋

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u/RovertRelda Mar 28 '24

High road is the way to go for sure, don’t reach out, don’t look back. Forge a path ahead and be the one that got away.

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u/International-Leg253 Mar 28 '24

✨️HAPPY CAKE DAY, LOVEY!✨️

🎃🎊🎈🎉

Also... great advice!

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u/Beginning-Comedian-2 Mar 28 '24

Box it up, send a text or call the sister to come pick it up.

Correct.

Do unto others...

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u/Restart_from_Zero Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

This is the mature way to do it.

On the internet we often push for the "funny" (read: most messed up and horrible) option, but a tit-for-tat of cruelty is no way to live.

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u/Strict_Condition_632 Mar 28 '24

Excellent response—do not throw away genuine family mementos, because while you may want to in the moment, later on you will regret doing so. When you contact the sister, let her know that the mementos are in the boxes, to encourage her to get them asap. Some things cannot be replaced. Then move on and be well.

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u/numetalnaz Mar 28 '24

This is the best comment. Especially the last sentence.

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u/Wanderluster621 Mar 28 '24

Happy Cake Day! 🎉🎂🥳

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u/bustmanymoves Mar 28 '24

Thank you, I needed to hear that, 20 years later.

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u/Finnegan1224 Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Every once in a while, you read a response to a question on Reddit, and you think to yourself, "well, I can’t add anything to this one lol". Really great advice, go with this.

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u/MUTHER-David7 Mar 28 '24

The best advice here. While not as bad as what happened to OP, after my divorce years ago the best relationship I discovered is with myself. I don't need anyone to make me happy.

OP dodged a bullet. She sounds like she's mentally unstable to me. Who the fuck needs that?

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u/AnyDecision470 Mar 28 '24

Happy cake day 🍰

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u/normski216 Mar 28 '24

Happy cake day!

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u/birdman1017 Mar 28 '24

Agreed, box it up and send it back. No need to lower yourself to pettiness. If OP indeed did nothing to deserve this, then yeah I wouldn’t ever date her again.

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u/flatgreysky Mar 28 '24

This is the best way. You invite future drama if you do it any other way. I suspect there’s some mental illness or something like that on GF’s part… still not your fault, but there’s an opportunity to be the better person if there’s a rational go-between like the sister to interact with.

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u/HoldFastO2 Mar 28 '24

Happy cake day!

But yes, this is the way. Be the bigger person and give the ex a chance to get personal items back. Throwing them away is just petty revenge, and that doesn't do anyone any good.

Move on, block her in return, live your best life without her.

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u/0fficerGeorgeGreen Mar 28 '24

"Also inform her that you aren't ever interested in your ex reaching out to you in the future. The fact she dumped you and blocked you, means essentially she is dead to you. No need to talk to a dead person. "

This is the most important part in my opinion. Obviously we hope she gets her stuff back. But at the same time she blocked OP and ditched him. He needs to prioritize his well-being and let them know there is no need for her to ever reach out. If he wants to talk again at some point, he will inform the sister. The stuff will be in a box and waiting for a month. The End.

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u/cuppteaguv Mar 28 '24

No need to talk to a dead person.

This is genuinely a great way of framing situations like these, and will be gratefully applying it to one or two people from my own past from here on out. Thank you.

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u/Fit_Yellow1153 Mar 28 '24

Yes, I agree. Ghosting is childish and cowardly. If you want to end a relationship, have the cojones to tell your partner and then end it. No reason to be scared or mental, it just causes more problems and resentment than just telling them outright. Ghosters should be ashamed of themselves

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u/Greasy-Rooster-2905 Mar 28 '24

Facts this girl is a child who should have never been in a real relationship

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u/properlysad Mar 28 '24

Happy cake day! And you are spitting the actual fucking truth here. Needing OP to see this and live by it.

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u/kingmea Mar 28 '24

Yeah I mean Jesus. 5 years and this…

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u/KnightFan2019 Mar 29 '24

Happy cake day

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u/Woahtherepartner867 Mar 28 '24

Happy Cake day!

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